Concerned that her sister might repeat this behavior, the OP has refused to share the name chosen for her unborn son, despite persistent questioning from her sister and pressure from other family members. The OP’s dilemma centers on protecting their chosen name from potential theft by their sister, and they are asking if their refusal to share is justified.
My sister and I are both pregnant. This is her second child and my first. We’re both having boys. When my sister had her daughter three years ago her BFF was pregnant at the same time.
My sister complained for 8 months that they didn’t have any idea what to name my niece and then all of a sudden she had a name right before she gave birth. After my niece was born and her name was announced, my sister and her BFF started fighting.
The BFF said that was the name she’d chosen for her baby girl and my sister used the same first and middle name for my niece and she couldn’t believe she’d do that.
My sister said it’s first come first serve and she needed a name badly. That her BFF had time to find another name.
My sister is due before me, a few weeks before, and with that in mind I don’t want her to do the same thing to me. And she has asked. Nobody knows we’re having a boy except me and my husband and we plan to keep it that way.
But my sister has asked what our boy name is and as an afterthought she asked for our girl name too when she realized I knew what she was getting at.
I refused to tell her. She tried to whine about name sharing being the fun part of pregnancy. I made up a couple of names on the spot to tell her and she saw through it. She told me to just tell her the name and I said no again.
She asked a few more times, she even asked in front of our family. It was our brother who joked that nobody should tell the baby name thief the name they’ve chosen. My sister got upset and asked if that’s why I wouldn’t tell her.
She told me I was holding something against her that she never did to me. Mom asked why I couldn’t just share the name and everyone would know my husband and I chose it first if my sister used it but I still said no.
AITA?
Conclusion
The core conflict stems from the OP’s fear of history repeating itself, directly contrasting with the sister’s desire for open communication and sharing during pregnancy, which she views as part of the shared experience. The OP feels the need to establish a firm boundary based on past events, while the sister perceives this secrecy as a deliberate slight or punishment.
The central question remains whether the OP is justified in withholding their baby’s name to prevent potential conflict and appropriation, or if their actions are an overreaction that unnecessarily strains the sibling relationship. Readers must weigh the right to privacy and preemption against the value of openness between family members.
Here’s how people reacted:
The only time I did tell someone was with our second child. That’s because my older brother knocked up his SO. We were pregnant about 4 weeks ahead of them. We didn’t know the sex of our second kid and they didn’t know the sex of theirs. We were all together visiting when my ex wife was about 7 months along and his SO was 6 months. They knew we don’t tell the names we’ve decided on. But they told us their boy and girl names they’ve picked out.
Well fuck me, the EXACT same two names. We hadn’t told anyone. And neither names were family names.
So I pulled him aside later. And let him know and that one us is probably going to have to change it. He said no way, cousins can have the same names. Knowing we were first, we couldn’t trust that they wouldn’t just name their kid the same. So we had to change and didn’t come to a decision until the night before the birth. Even then, there was pause when the nurse asked for the name.
Think about it: What’s the worst that can happen if you don’t tell her the name? She’s unreasonably upset? She has to wait for the surprise like everyone else?
Now, what’s the worst that can happen if you do? She steals the name again and you’re either forced to change it last second like her best friend was or your son and nephew are stuck with the same, exact name.
I mean, she literally stole her best friends child’s FIRST AND MIDDLE name, didn’t leave her anything but the last name she already had, then didn’t even try to deny it, just said you snooze you lose. She wants you to feel bad for not telling her, but clearly has no ability to show the same to others.
TL:DR: NTA at all.
Many people are saying to give a decoy name. They are also correct.
Nobody is telling you to give a decoy name which will be ridiculous *specifically* if given to your sister’s child.
Most likely it’ll be something that jars horrendously with her partner’s surname. If they’re a ‘Peacock’ give the name ‘Drew’. If they’re a ‘Taylor’ say you’re thinking of the name ‘Swift’.
Swear her to secrecy, of course. And then “change your mind” when your baby arrives and the name just doesn’t feel right.
There is a thread somewhere discussing a similar issue where the name thief was told the baby’s name would be Cuntley…and apparently that is what the name thief named her daughter. I would stick to this strategy — find the most ridiculous names possible and keep giving her those names.
NTA
If you are wondering I am an asshole…and if she stole the fake name I would absolutely still hold it against her…
NTA
What does her baby daddy have to say about the name? No input from him?
I would come up with a horrible sounding name, like Pubert or Gunthar and stick with it. Let her think you really are naming your child that.
The fact that she is so pushy about this is weird too. So yeah, make up something, stick with it and maybe you will end up with a nephew named Pubert lol!
NTA
If I had been the BFF, I’d have kept the name and dumped the “friend”.
Hopefully that’s what she did.
A lot of people choose to not disclose it til the end. And even the sex.
You can always tell her one from the “no-chosen” list to make her happy. If you happen to change it aftewards it’s not her bussiness
They’d all know she did it, but she’d have still done it.
Don’t tell anyone. Not until that kid’s name is on the birth certificate.
I mean you could tell her any name really as long as it’s not the one you’re planing on using.
Updateme
When I was pregnant with my older daughter. Her decoy name was Jenna Talia.