The core conflict began when the OP overheard Brian’s mother revealing that she owns the apartment and that Brian is on the deed, meaning the OP had been paying rent for two years without knowing the true ownership structure. When confronted, Brian dismissed the issue, claiming the OP never asked. The OP now feels betrayed by the secrecy and has stopped paying her share of the rent until they agree on a fair arrangement, leading to tension with her husband. The central question is whether the OP is right to feel betrayed and halt payments over this deception.
I (31F) have been married to Brian (33M) for two years. Right after the wedding, we moved into an apartment he said was a “great deal” from a family friend. We agreed to split rent and utilities 50/50 to keep things “equal” since we were starting fresh and wanted to avoid money fights.
So I’ve been sending him $700/month just for the rent this whole time.
Three days ago, at a BBQ, I overheard his mom talking about how “it’s nice getting rent from Brian’s place” and how smart they were to keep it in the family.
Turns out his mom own the apartment, and Brian’s on the deed too, I had no idea. He never told me. Just let me keep paying rent for two years like a clueless roommate.
When I confronted him, he said I “never asked” and that I’m overreacting because we weren’t overpaying. But I feel completely blindsided. It’s not just the money it’s the secrecy.
I told him I won’t keep paying until we talk about a fair setup. Now he’s acting like I’m the problem. AITAH?
Conclusion
The OP is currently in a difficult position, feeling that her trust has been broken by her husband’s deliberate omission of crucial financial and property information. This conflict pits the OP’s need for transparency and fair dealing against Brian’s expectation that she should have proactively investigated their living situation.
The debate centers on the balance between personal responsibility in a marriage and the obligation to disclose significant financial arrangements. Should the OP forgive the secrecy because the rent was not overtly inflated, or does the deliberate, two-year deception justify her current stance and demand a complete restructuring of their shared living costs?
Here’s how people reacted:
If you do not have separated fobances, create a second bank account so that you can finance this.
Oh, and get a lawyer before you start. They will also know who to recommend to investigate.
However, why won’t you pay the $700 a month, is that not actually a fair setup? What would the market rate for rent be like in a similar apartment?
Why would you stay after learning you been conned by your husband and in laws for 2 years.
He outright LIED. Family friend my ass. His mom is a family friend?
You’ve been paying his damn mortgage for 2 years.
This is a HUGE deal. I guarantee he wasn’t paying shit.
You mentioned no kids. Divorce now while it’s easiest.
NTA.
But it doesn’t seem so
Guard your money.