harsh delivery but i can’t fault you for telling the truth! the wording does hurt your relationship, i’m not going to sugarcoat that. everyone is riled up in the comments but bearing a child and raising it usually befalls heavily on the mother, so the man having a strong provider role is very important, especially when most men are not very “hands on” parents (from my life experience, don’t come at me if yours is different, there’s a reason why birth rates are at an all time low).

my values are more traditional so i would never consider having a child unless the father could support me and said child significantly, i find it a bit funny how everyone is offended at you assigning a provider responsibility to a man who would be the father of your child. if you will be the primary resource for care, it is only fair for the father to be able to step up in ways you cannot during that time. i have yet to see a world where fathers are just as exhausted or hands on as the tired mothers of the world, so take that pov into consideration for my response.

You’ve been with Jeff for five years, and that’s how you chose to say it? “You can’t afford it”? That’s not just blunt, it’s hurtful. You made it sound like the responsibility of having a child would fall entirely on him and he has failed as a person for not being able to provide. Having a child is a shared responsibility. If you earn more than him, then you can afford more too. That’s how partnerships work.

All you had to say was something like, “I don’t think we’re ready for kids yet. Maybe when we have a stronger safety net.” That would’ve been honest and respectful. I really hope you apologise, because he didn’t deserve that.

I could think of lots of other answers you could have given that wouldn’t have cut him down so much. You make it sound like he isn’t good enough for you and that you are better than him. Why are you with him if you think so little of him? You’ve been with him 5 years and know exactly what his situation is. Things happen, but if this is really so concerning to you, you should have been more careful with prevention. I’m sorry, but you have a really crappy attitude towards your partner. YTA.

YTA. Your statement is exactly why men don’t want to take a chance with women anymore. Jesus, you sound like an entitled gold digger. I don’t think you have any clue exactly how much babies cost. Not only that, your statement about him not being able to afford sounds to me like you expect him to shoulder all the financial burdens of the kid. I hope your BF dumps you sooner rather than later. You don’t deserve him. YTA.

NTA. Look up ” the motherhood penalty.” If you give birth, you may not be able to return to work for some period of time and your salary if/when you do will likely always be lower than if you didn’t give birth. He needs to be financially stable and be able to carry his weight or more, unless you both agree that he takes on domestic responsibilities, which some men feel are “beneath them.”

YTA. Why would you word it like that? I would be mad at you too! A more sensitive and probably truer way of saying it would have been, “I’m worried WE can’t afford it.”

The way you said it makes it sound like you have no respect for him while simultaneously expecting him to cover the hypothetical baby expenses.

Did you have a brain fart or something?

NTA. Wtf @ the comments that you’re supposed to be ‘diplomatic’. You said the truth. One that he clearly needed to hear, since he clearly has some interested in children. I’d go even further and present him with a chart of added expenses, a rough estimate of what you both need to earn in order to raise one etc.

He can’t afford to support you and a child if you take time off? Is that the concern?

But that should be a “we” thing. You don’t seem like you care very much for him and that he’s not

Definitely should be having a conversation. Especially since you can afford it.

You aren’t wrong to not want to bring a baby into this world when you don’t have the financial means to do so. That said, you completely emasculated your bf with how you phrased it. You aren’t fit to be a parent either if thats where your emotional intelligence is at.

NTA

There must be some truth to it, otherwise, he would’ve offered a rebuttal, and pled his case. It hit him hard, because he knows that you know that you’d likely bear the majority of not only the child care but the financial responsibility as well.

Wow, that is really judgemental. Having kids isn’t expense for both of you, not just for him. But if you’ve been together five years and you were scared to have his child… Why are you still with him? It doesn’t sound like you respect him.

YTA.

My friend… I have 4 degrees and my husband has 0. He earns more than twice my salary.

YTA because you were mean and probably made him feel crap. Why throw this in his face when the possibility of a child comes along? Use contraceptives.

Yes you are the a.

You are a team. So you two can’t afford a baby.

Also, poor people can have babies, so can you, it’s just because you value other things more.

And the way you speak to him after 5 years together is just ridiculous

Yikes. 5 years and you’re speaking about him like he’s not just “under board” but under you. Yet you’re with him, half a decade.. also great memory to make incase you are pregnant – he will cherish that comment for years to come… wow!

LMFAOOOO
“Because you can’t afford to get ME pregnant”
If he’s anything like the average man, you might as well break-up. He’ll never forget that.

Congratulations, you got your “Lol #DunkedOn” moment

Yea you are. Are you telling him outright that your money is yours and his is y’alls? Are you not going to contribute financially to raising your kid? For his sake I hope you’re not too.

So it’s solely his responsibility to afford a theoretical child y’all made together? How feminist of you. That is a WE problem, not a him or you problem. YTA for pinning that on him.

*I assume you mean undergrad? What’s under board?* 

ESH 

You afford it as a couple, not as individuals. 

Clearly he wants kids, why haven’t you discussed logistics? 

Well that might be true, but you could have worded it better? I mean did you want to make your partner of 5 years feel like crap? Because it certainly sounds like it.

Does “Professional Degree Holder” provide unlimited funds? No? Then you **also** cannot afford a baby.

YTA. Apologise to your boyfriend, you’re awful.

YTA.

You’re supposed to be a couple, a team. If he can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. The appropriate thing to say would be, “We can’t…”

Lmao: NTA you were keeping it real. Children cost money. Your kids will have a good life and you won’t struggle. I can tell you’re very smart.

Definitely think you could’ve phrased it better. NTA seeing he is not stable enough at the moment to have a child with.

So you explicitly said HE can’t afford. YTA.

If you’d said WE can’t afford it then I’d say NTA. You’re a partnership.

Why are you with a man for five years you know the risk of getting pregnant and not being able to afford it?

NTA. If you guys aren’t ready to get married, you’re Certainly not ready for a child!

You should have been more diplomatic when expressing your sound reasoning. YTA.

Yikes YTA. If anything, it should have been, “I’m worried WE can’t afford it”.

How about you give up your Star Buck’s everyday OP? Now you can afford it.

Probably NOW he IS hoping for no baby….poor choice of words dear.

YTA – yikes. Keep the inside thoughts inside next time dear.

I feel sad for your baby to have a mother like you.

Well, it looks like you can’t afford it either 👀

Because you can’t afford it? Wow

INFO: Do you actually like him?