The situation escalated when the OP learned his girlfriend had given permission for her entire family to stay in his apartment for the remainder of his intended absence, purely for their vacation. After a heated confrontation where the family refused to leave immediately, and discovering that his private medical prescriptions had been disturbed and medication potentially taken, the OP demanded they vacate. This action has resulted in severe backlash from his girlfriend and both sides of their families, leaving the OP questioning his response and seeking external judgment.
My long term gf has my apartment keys, as I have hers. Only unspoken until now but always respected rule was, if you need to go to the other place, just send a text “Hey going to your place”.
Doesn’t matter if the other is at home or even responds. Just simply to tell the other you will be at their place.
I was supposed to be away 700km from home for 2 weeks for work related stuff, but 4 days in and our instructor got into an accident. Work tried to find another one, but no such luck on very short notice.
They decided at like 10pm to get us the 1st flight home the next day at like 6am, pay us the overtime and the next day at home, then resume our normal work schedule.
So I get home the next day at like 9am, sent a text to my gf to tell her I am back. Getting to my door, I am very confused hearing children screaming inside since none of the people who have my keys have low kids like that (my brother and my gf).
I thought I got squatters or something. Opening the door and I see my gf’s sister’s kid running around after a shower, putting water everywhere. Plates of half finished ravioli on my living room ground.
Their suitcases opened in the entrance.
I get inside and see the husband on my couch trying to hook up my PS2(that he must have digged out in my storage room). Getting into a verbal argument with him trying to understand why the fuck they are here.
Said my gf told them they could get my flat for 2 weeks while I was gone (they wanted to visit the city for a bit, go to the beach). My gf sent me a text while i was arguing, telling me “oh ok, btw my sis fam’ is at your flat”
I admit I blew up on him and the sis who left my bedroom in the meantime. Told them to leave immediately. They argued quite a bit, my gf called her sis, then sis put up the speaker so we could all hear, and she said I was embarrassing her, that she told them they could use my place for a while.
I threatened to call the police, also asked my brothers to come.
They left while cursing me to their children, telling that holidays are over because the mean little sister’s boyfriend cast us out.
I have now all of my gf family on my back, and even some of my own family, saying i could have stayed with at my gf so the kids could have some vacations…
Also. They have read my doctor prescription papers(I put them in a specific order, and it was not the same), and obviously took some of my prescribed meds (opened a box of benzodiazepine…).
AITAH for making them leave?
We pretty much stopped talking about anything else with my gf. I feel like i am being gaslighted. I would never invite people to her apartment like that, especially without telling her.
It seems so disrespectful. Am I going insane?
Conclusion
The core conflict centers on the OP’s right to privacy and control over his personal residence versus the girlfriend’s assumption that she could grant indefinite access to her family without consulting him first. The OP’s strong emotional reaction was triggered not only by the uninvited guests but also by the severe breach of trust involving his private medical supplies.
The debate lies between respecting personal boundaries, especially regarding one’s home and private documents, and accommodating family needs or maintaining relationship peace. Readers must weigh whether the OP’s immediate, forceful removal of the guests was justified given the invasion of privacy, or if a less confrontational approach was necessary to manage the relationship fallout.
Here’s how people reacted:
I would NEVER allow someone to stay there without me being present and without his approval. On the days I go there to eat lunch, I text him if a friend/coworker is going to be with me BEFORE we go, so that he can approve or disprove them coming to his house. I know he would not care if it’s my kids or my core friend group comes there with me, but IT’S HIS HOUSE, not mine. Its called respect for one another.
(I do take his dog out to play when I go there for lunch, so it’s a win-win-win situation for me, him, and for the pupper.)
Your (hopefully now ex-) gf treats you and your home very disrespectfully.
I would honestly break up with her, and if anyone else gives you grief over this. Tell them to make a copy of their house keys so you can give it to some rando without telling them. Oh, and if you haven’t mentioned the missing meds, I would suggest doing so. Idk what the legal case is if they stole a few pills, but there’s no way that doesn’t count as stealing.
NTA
Kids can be so destructive, and they were running around spraying water everywhere? With half- eaten plates of food in the FLOOR?! Plus it was so kind of the husband to dig through your closet to drag out your PS2, who knows how much they nosed through your personal belongings?
Don’t even get me started on your prescriptions.
NTA
Like who TF does that?!!! I would have broken up with her ass immediately. This wasn’t just a “forgot to ask situation” this was a total sneak behind your back and try to hide the evidence before you got home situation.
What a load of BS. And now as if anyone is defending her or her families actions.
Never give her the keys ever again
If they needed the place for an emergency maybe, or something useful nit a freaking vacation place.
And wven then treat it treat it with respect.
I would.be.more careful withnthe gf from.now on
It feels like a violation of your privacy, for them to just be going through your stuff like that.
Tell your family that her druggie BIL and sister went through your stuff and stole your prescription meds as well as turning your flat into a tip.
Then tell them all to fuck off.
Honey, you can’t give someone permission to stay at a place that isn’t yours. What the ever-loving fuck?
They came into your place without your permission, made a huge mess, and stole your medication! They all owe you an apology!