However, the pattern became one-sided, leading the user to refuse a recent request because she already had prior plans. This refusal led to an immediate negative reaction from Sarah, who made dismissive comments about the user’s lack of children and time commitments. The user is now facing social friction from other coworkers and questions whether her decision to prioritize her own life was selfish.
I (28F) work full-time in retail, and as anyone who’s worked retail knows, it can be pretty exhausting. I’ve got a busy life outside of work, trying to balance my hobbies, taking care of my apartment, seeing friends, and just taking care of myself.
You know, normal adult stuff. I don’t have kids, but that doesn’t mean I’m lounging around with endless free time.
One of my coworkers, Sarah (32F), has two young kids. She’s always asking people to cover her shifts, which I understand because being a mom is hard and things come up. Over the past year, I’ve covered for her quite a few times when she had to leave early or couldn’t make it in because of some kid emergency.
I did it out of kindness because I get that life can be unpredictable, and I wanted to help her out. But I’ve started to notice that I’m one of the only ones she asks to help cover her shifts.
It’s like she expects me to do it just because I don’t have the same responsibilities as her.
Last week, she asked me again to cover for her because her kid had a school event. Normally, I’d try to help, but I already had plans to spend the day with my sister, who I hadn’t seen in a while.
I told Sarah I couldn’t this time, and she just sighed and said, “Must be nice to have all that free time. You don’t have kids, so it’s not like you’re busy with anything important.”
I was pretty taken aback. I told her, “Just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean I don’t have a life. My time is important too.” She kind of rolled her eyes and walked away, but I could tell she wasn’t happy with me.
Now she’s been telling our other coworkers that I’m selfish and don’t understand how hard it is to be a mom. A couple of them have started acting a bit distant toward me, and I overheard one of them saying something like, “She has it easy, no wonder she doesn’t get it.” I didn’t realize not having kids made me less deserving of respect at work.
What really gets me is that I’ve always tried to help when I could. But just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean my life is suddenly stress-free or that I can drop everything at a moment’s notice.
I feel like Sarah doesn’t respect my time at all, and that really bothers me.
I ended up mentioning it to my manager, hoping for a little understanding, but they just said it’s a “personal conflict” and didn’t want to get involved. So now I’m stuck feeling like the bad guy because I said no for once.
I honestly don’t think it’s fair to expect me to cover her shifts all the time just because I don’t have children. I have responsibilities too, and I deserve to have a life outside of work.
But some of my coworkers seem to think I should be helping out more because Sarah’s a mom and I’m not. Am I being selfish here? AITA for finally standing my ground and refusing to cover her shifts after she basically called me lazy?
Conclusion
The core conflict involves a clash between the user’s established pattern of accommodating a coworker’s parental needs and her right to maintain personal boundaries and time commitments. The user feels that her life and time are being devalued simply because she does not have children, leading to feelings of resentment and unfair judgment from her colleague.
The central question remains whether the user acted selfishly by enforcing a necessary boundary for the first time, or if she was justified in refusing a request that implied her time was less valuable. Should personal accommodation cease when it starts to compromise one’s own well-being and scheduled commitments?
Here’s how people reacted:
The coworkers calling you selfish can take her shifts if they’re so worried about her.
You are in a different stage of life and you may decide not to have kids. Not taking her shifts does not make you selfish. Your personal life is just as important as her personal life.
Tell Sarah you will no longer be covering her shifts and if she continues to spread rumors and talk bad about you, tell your boss she is creating a “hostile work environment”. Buzz words like that always seem to light a fire under their ass. If your boss won’t help keep going up the chain.
And now, because, just for once,you said “no”, suddenly you’re being accused of being selfish.
I’m 46 and don’t have kids. My choice. And yes, it makes life easier. And it does mean that I can offer flexibility at work, which benefits me and my employer.
But, just occasionally, I will say “no” to a swap, for precisely the reason that I don’t want to be viewed as a walk-over. You have to do this sometimes – otherwise guess who would end up working every single public holiday?
Your management doesn’t understand the word — management. It’s their job to facilitate everyone doing their job efficiently, which includes putting a stop to any bullying or bad behavior by employees.
When Sarah comes around to ask again, as she will, you keep saying “no,” forever.
NTA, but think hard about getting a career job. Retail will drain your soul and leave noting for you in retirement.
It’s incredibly rude of her to think that your time is less important than hers.
She’s a user. OP you are NTA.
Also inform her you will no longer cover her shifts, ever. Her attitude is gross, she FAFO on what her actions do.