AITAH for ending a relationship after my partner came out as trans

The story involves a 23-year-old woman (OP) who ended a six-month relationship with her partner (22MTF) shortly after the partner came out as transgender. The OP identifies as 100% straight and stated that her decision to break up was directly due to her partner now being a woman, as sexual orientation dictates her attraction.

The ex-partner reacted with significant anger, arguing that the relationship had progressed too far to end based on this change and insisted they should continue dating. The ex-partner accused the OP of only caring about physical appearance rather than her personality or identity. This conflict leaves the OP questioning whether her decision to end the relationship based on sexual orientation makes her the bad person in the situation.

AITAH for ending a relationship after my partner came out as trans

I (23F) and my ex partner (22MTF) Dated for 6 months and she came out as trans. I am 100% straight and I broke up with her because she is now a woman and I am straight. She got extremely mad and said that we are to far into the relationship to break up and she wanted to continue dating.

If anything I’m validating her, i’m just not attracted to her anymore. She says I don’t care about her personality or her being, just looks, but that’s not true. AITAH?

Here’s how people reacted:

axela086

FTM here and I’d say NTA. There’s nothing wrong with having a preference and leaving because your partner is not that preference. I’d say if you had been married for 20 years it might be different but you can’t change your feelings, only how you act. It would actually be a disservice to your partner if you stayed with her knowing you weren’t attracted to her. Also, people seem to forget that it’s about more than just a preference on looks. What if you wanted kids for example. Post surgery, your partner can’t give that to you. It seems really immature to be 6 months into a relationship and get mad because you sprung something life changing on your partner and they didn’t want to stay lol. NTA at all OP

maroongrad

NTAH. You don’t just flip a switch and decide that, hey, now you’re going to be bi or lesbian. You are attracted to males. That’s hard-wired into you. You are at zero fault here, and it’s actually really awesome to read about someone’s SO being MTF or FTM, and just being…accepted. No anger or raging at that, just, no longer attracted because they are now clearly the wrong sex to be attracted to. I love your generation 🙂

rmas1974

Totally NTA. I sort of faced the opposite problem. I’m a gay man and briefly dated a guy but things for one reason or another fizzled out. We came across each other a few years later and this individual was mid transition to becoming an MTF. She said she was still attracted to me etc. I had to say that as a woman, she is not what I am oriented towards. She may have still been LGBT but now the wrong LGBT!

CornEncrustedNugget

You are the asshole. I think subconsciously you want to punish your ex girlfriend For being evolving more in life than you. You also now see your ex as threat. What if people think she is more pretty and elegant than you? I think that is really petty and small minded. Jealousy is awful.

Particular-Try5584

NTA.

No one can dictate who you are attracted to. You aren’t attracted to her anymore.

And while we are reading the “Life Rules Manual” can someone point where it says “Six months is the end date for exiting a relationship and you must be forever glued together forever more after”.

welshgirl0987

Absolutely NTA.. and as for “we are too far into the relationship to break up?” There’s some real issues with how your ex views relationships and you as a person.
You can break up for any reason you want to… for you, sexuality is absolutely not up for discussion, and that’s healthy.

Daphne_Brown

Why does this question get posted like every day, several times a day?

If this is even legit, of course you’re NTA. Also, people get upset and say stupid things when you break up with them but that doesn’t necessitate a trip to the interwebs for support.

ConnectionCommon3122

NTA. You sound really supportive. It’s not your choice what gender you’re attracted to. Attraction generally isn’t a choice. You’re not gay so you won’t date a woman, it makes sense. Def a tough situation for both though I’m sorry.

No-Ad-9867

I’m a trans woman. You are definitely not the asshole. You were respecting her identity and your own sexuality. You did exactly the right thing. Hope you both find what you’re looking for, breakups suck!

lady-seven

NTA

She feels vulnerable because she came out as trans, so she’s taking the breakup the wrong way. Just as she has her sexual orientation, you have yours, and that must be respected.

Hot_Carrot_6507

He is a he pretending to be a she. You should stop participating in the delusion. That said you’re under no obligation to be with anyone especially if you were only dating. Not the AH

mommabear_g

This is a losing situation, sadly. You are entitled to your wants and what you are attracted to. Dating 6 months is too far in to break up??! That’s cute. NTA, but your ex is.

BabyStars1x

Well, I guess you could say your relationship had a ‘trans-ition’ that just didn’t suit your taste! 😂 But seriously, it sounds like a tough situation for both of you.

CornEncrustedNugget

Ytah. It is a tough situation for your girlfriend. I think this isn’t just transphobia but homophobia. You just dont want to admit you now have lesbian feelings. Awful

hannahxxxrodriguez

It’s okay to have preferences, but how you ended things and the reasons you gave hurt her, and it sounds like you didn’t take her feelings into account.

Effective-Mongoose57

NTA. You are not attracted to women. Your partner is now a woman, you don’t have to be in a relationship with someone who is not your preference.

Future-Path8412

NTA – it’s not about looks, she’s a woman and you are straight. She should know better than to try to force someone to be something they’re not.

DreamyBabe12

Well, they say love is blind, but it seems like your eyes had a sudden awakening! 😂 Maybe you just need to update your dating app preferences!

ratbahstad

I’d reply that you thought we were too far in the relationship to start changing the terms without consequences.

siderinc

I love some of my same gender friends, doesn’t mean i want to have a romantic relationship with them.

Nta

Adorable-Doubt-5589

6 months is nothing. You don’t owe her anything. You did nothing wrong.

Sounds like she’s projecting.

RaceMaleficent4908

NAH Gender identity is part of the personality and people are in relations to have sexual intimacy too.

Transformerkay

I’m trans and I don’t think you did anything wrong. You have a preference in gender that’s allowed.

Gonzotrucker1

You should learn to be more inclusive, and it won’t hurt you to eat some snatch once in a while.

Un1oN555

NO, you are a healthy person and denied to be close to person with mental illness. Thats logic.

TheMireMind

Asking you to go gay for her is no better than you telling her not to transition.

Sea-Meringue444

She deceived you by keeping a big secret from you. You don’t owe her anything.

Certiskalu

NTA. You have the right to choose whom and what you like. period.

Emergency_Muscle1187

At least you’re feeding his delusion that he’s a woman i guess

ImportanceFit6749

No, you have a right to date whomever you want for any reason

Tall_Hat414

NTA- you have as much choice to do what you want as she does.

mgrateez

NTA. You also get to be who you are and like who you like.

MOTO_K

Tell that transformer to keep that shit hidden lil bro.

KiriYogi

NTA- you get to choose who to date, when, why and how.

InfamousCup7097

6 months isn’t a long time into a relationship. Nta

numbers_all_go_to_11

NTA. It’s your life do what you want.

Conclusion

The central conflict for the OP is the tension between respecting her established sexual orientation, which excludes romantic/sexual attraction to women, and the emotional expectations of her former partner who feels invalidated by the breakup. The OP feels she is supporting the partner’s identity while simultaneously needing to maintain clear personal boundaries regarding attraction.

The reader must weigh whether fidelity to one’s intrinsic sexual orientation constitutes a valid reason for ending a relationship, even after emotional investment, against the claim that ending the relationship because of a gender transition amounts to a fundamental rejection of the person’s core being. Is the OP justified in prioritizing her sexual orientation, or should the depth of the existing emotional bond supersede this factor?