My MIL called me selfish because I won’t give my late husband’s life insurance to his grandparents

A 35-year-old woman (OP) experienced the sudden passing of her husband last year, leaving her and their two young children (aged 6 and 4) grieving. Fortunately, a life insurance policy provided a significant financial payout, ensuring security for the surviving family.

Several months later, the OP’s in-laws approached her with a request: they want her to give a portion of this money to her late husband’s maternal grandparents, citing financial hardship and what they claim the husband would have wanted. The OP is hesitant because these grandparents had a distant relationship with the family, and she feels the money is intended for her children’s future, leading her to question if she is being selfish.

My MIL called me selfish because I won't give my late husband's life insurance to his grandparents

My (35F) husband passed away suddenly last year, leaving me and our two kids (6M, 4F) completely heartbroken. He had a life insurance policy that paid out a significant sum, and while it doesnt make up for our loss, it has given us financial security.

A few months ago, my in laws approached me with a request: they want me to give a portion of the money to my late husbands grandparents (his moms parents). Their reasoning is that they are struggling financially, and my husband would have wanted to help them.

I do feel bad for them, but the thing is that they never really had a strong relationship with us. They didnt even come to our wedding, claiming it was too far, even though they travel for vacations all the time.

They never made much effort to be in our childrens lives either. And now, they suddenly think theyre entitled to the money my husband left for his family which, in my mind, means our kids and me.

My MIL has been calling me selfish, saying theyre elderly and struggling, and that I should honor my husbands memory by helping them. But I feel like this money was meant for our childrens future.

Its not like Im hoarding it, Ive set up college funds and am ensuring were stable. AITA?

Here’s how people reacted:

PyroAR15

You’re NTA.

His grandparents were part of the generation that was handed everything on silver platter, they had 40+ years to build a stable life and future for themselves. Housing was cheap, college was cheap, life was cheap and good. It their fault they are in the situation they are in and they can take loans out if they are desperate enough.

Our generation struggles to buy a car, house, food, college debt and our kids will be probably worse off.

You need to build a stable future for your kids as your husband wanted to. He could have divided his policy anyway he wanted it to but he choose you, his wife, mother to his kids because he knew you’d have the best interest of his kids in mind.

You need to do what your husband wanted you to do, take care of the kids.

sumochump

NTA – the life insurance policy was setup with taking care of you and your children in mind. As a husband and father, my responsibilities are to my wife first, children second, all others third. I would want that money to stay with my wife and children if it were me. You are responsible for raising 2 kids, and need the resources to take care of yourself and them. They failed to plan for retirement, that’s not your fault, and your MIL calling you selfish is projection and her being hostile. Your in-laws are welcome to help their own parents.

PresentationUnited43

Bruh…if George Bush and Putin can wear a fucking Vietnamese Ao Dai at an APEC summit in Viet Nam you can sure as shit wear that at your kids in support of them.

Get over yourself, you’re not that special….and you’ll look even more the fool when everyone else is dressed alike while you stand out in your shirt and slacks.

BarBossaPM

NTA – it is not your job (or your husbands) to look after them. I am amazed by the audacity of some people – they don’t even look at you but when you get the money or something they want, they are all over you.

Keep the money for you and your kiddies. Iam realy realy sorry for your loss. I hope you are doing ok ❤️

Faerie_Boots

NTA. You have two young children who no longer have the security provided by two living parents. I mean, what happens if you are injured, or die? What happens if you lose your job? That money is meant to ensure they are supported throughout their childhoods.

aDirtyMartini

NTA. If OP’s husband wanted them to have some of the payout then he would have added them as beneficiaries. He wanted to secure his family’s future which he did as well as he could. Sounds like they want to use OP as an ATM. My condolences OP.

No_Tough_7320

NTA. I put down the beneficiaries of my life insurance, just like your husband did. If he wanted to take care of them he would have. Plus, they knew they were spending money going on trips, they should have been concerned about saving.

Hyattville5

Nothing that the grandparents did or didn’t do matters. What matters is that the life insurance was for you so that you could raise your children and not be homeless or very poor. For get anything else and get on with your life.

EmbarrassedBeing332

Honor your husbands memory he was not thinking of his grandparents when he put your name on the beneficiary line did he put their names on the document no he did not honor his memory and tell them to go to hell.

oldgar9

Husband is gone, you were his chosen beneficiary, if he had wanted grandparents to have money from his insurance he would have listed them as well. Funny how money brings them like bees to honey

Commercial_Fall_9869

I would stop talking to his parents. He isnt here to make that decision and they cant tell u what he would do. I would just say the money is gone used for bills and college

DoomshrooM8

NTA – they can help their own parents if they want to, it was NEVER your responsibility. Especially if they didn’t even bother coming to “their beloved grandson’s” wedding

mrtowser

NTA. You know best of anyone what your husband would have wanted you to do, and you already know he would have wanted you to take care of yourself and your kids first.

Fun_Organization3857

Insurance is for the widow and the (half) orphaned children. How dare these people who have lost 0 of their support system try to take from a widow. Nta

TimeSuck5000

They didn’t come to your wedding but travel all the time (which is expensive) and now they’re having financial difficulties and want your money!! Fuck em!

Incognito9658

NTA. Cost of living right now is absurd. You and your children need that money. Let his parents help. Do not let them bully you into anything.

MessyMadam

MIL “You’re selfish.”
ME: coming from the people who missed their son’s only wedding… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i don’t trust that kind of moral compass.

lil_jilm

Hell no, NTA. You take care of those kids and yourself, that’s your focus now. I’m very very sorry for your loss

Scoutmom75

NTA. That money is for your children. They’re the main concern, because life as you know throws curveballs.

nugsnthug

No. Kids. Inflation. A 6 and a 4 have a lot of living, eating, and growing. That’s not even counting you.

Throwupmyhands

NTA.

Also, I’m now starting to regret that my in-laws know we have life insurance policies on ourselves.

rossthecooke

It’s no one’s money but yours
I’m sure as a father he would have wanted to secure HIS families future

Witty-Jellyfish3445

…”even though they travel for vacations all the time”…..then perhaps they aren’t really struggling.

Specialist_Loan8666

ABSOLUTELY NOT. NOT A PENNY keep the money for your kids and your future. Audacity to even ask

Alleandros

Maybe they wouldn’t be struggling financially if they didn’t travel on vacation all the time.

Apes-Together_Strong

>they travel for vacations all the time

Sounds like they aren’t financially struggling.

New-Reference-2171

NTA. Protect your children’s future. Your in laws can help the grand parents

BobbieClough

>My MIL has been calling me selfish

Has she? Has she fucking really?

TheColdWind

Nope, not a penny, let the inevitable cards fall where they may.

MappleSyrup13

Tell them to cut the vacations budget, and they’ll be fine

fidddlydiddlyee

I would be concerned about you MIL. Sounds a little shady.

YankeeRepublican

NTA. say sure you’ll help and write them a check for$100.

Round-Ticket-39

You have two kids. Word is harsh place. Nta

feddybusiness

If he hadn’t died what was their plan? 🙄

Not_a_c1ue

They should have cut back on the holidays

Conclusion

The core conflict for the OP is balancing her sense of moral obligation, fueled by her in-laws’ accusations of selfishness and appeals to her late husband’s memory, against her primary responsibility to secure the financial future of her children. Her grief compounds the difficulty of setting firm boundaries regarding assets intended for her immediate family.

The reader must consider whether the OP is obligated to honor an assumed wish of her late husband regarding distant relatives, or if her first duty is to the direct beneficiaries of the insurance policy. Is it more important to maintain peace with the in-laws or strictly protect the designated funds for her children?