WIBTAH for remarrying my ex even though I’m going to die?

The user, a 36-year-old woman (OP), is facing a terminal cancer diagnosis with an expected lifespan of one to two years. She and her 38-year-old partner, who is also her ex-husband and the father of her three children, wish to remarry. They had divorced years prior due to his demanding work schedule, but reconciled and re-established their romantic relationship while she battled cancer the first time.

The OP desires remarriage primarily for legal and familial reasons, including having him make medical decisions, being listed as her husband in her obituary, and ensuring he receives survivor benefits. However, her 38-year-old sister strongly objects, calling the act cruel, disrespecting marriage, and suggesting the OP manipulated the ex-husband back into the relationship using her initial cancer diagnosis. The OP is now questioning whether it is wrong to remarry her partner under these circumstances.

WIBTAH for remarrying my ex even though I'm going to die?

I (36F) am close to dying. I have terminal cancer and I only have about a year or two left. I’ve accepted and made my peace with it, and I don’t mind openly talking about it. I also have a less than common relationship.

My current partner/boyfriend (38M) is also my ex-husband.

Me and him married right out of high school, stayed together through college, had three kids together (12M, 10F, and 4M).

We divorced when our daughter was 3 because of his intense work schedule. It was a lot of heartbreak and pain, but at the time it felt right for both of us despite that.

Two years after the divorce I was first diagnosed with cancer, and he reduced his work hours so he could take more time with the kids, and it slowly shifted to him also taking care of me, and we rekindled our romance, but didn’t get remarried.

I got lucky the first time around and was declared cancer free at 30. I had my youngest child at 32, and was rediagnosed at 34. We tried treatments but it’s been recently declared terminal.

Please don’t feel sorry for me or throw me a pity party. I’ve gotten to live the life I wanted and I’m okay with the fact that I’ll most likely die before 40. The only thing that causes me any emotional pain is that I won’t see my kids grow up and experience life milestones like graduating, getting married, and having kids.

Long backstory, but here’s the problem.

My partner and I have discussed it and we want to remarry each other. I want him to be listed as my husband in my obituary, I want him to be able to make medical decisions in case I’m unable to (this one is big for me because of my situation), and so that he can get Survivor Benefits when I pass.

My sister (38F) says that it’s cruel to remarry him knowing I’m going to die soon, and that if I loved him I wouldn’t have divorced him in the first place and that by remarrying him I’m disrespecting the sanctity of marriage by doing it “willy nilly”.

She also said I probably used my diagnosis the first time around to get his pity love so he’d get back with me since it resolved the main issue from our divorce.

So, Reddit, I was wondering if it’s really bad for me to remarry my ex?

I love this man, we both regretted our divorce and are so grateful that life brought us back together, but now that I’m close to death we want our love to be legally recognized.

Here’s how people reacted:

thadson

I actually feel sorry for your sister, not because she disagrees, but because she clearly doesn’t understand what love looks like when it’s tested, broken, and rebuilt stronger. There are many valid reasons to marry or not marry someone. But every single one of those reasons is between you and your partner, not her or anyone else. She has no idea what your life has been like. What you’ve endured. What you’ve rebuilt. She has the right to an opinion, sure, but that doesn’t mean she gets to guilt or shame you. What she should be doing is standing by you, supporting whatever you decide is right for you and your family. You’ve already done the hard work, emotionally, physically, and as a parent. If remarrying brings peace, clarity, and recognition to your love and life, then do it. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, least of all someone who seems more concerned with her own ideals than your actual well-being. I wish I had what you have, when I had cancer and was also told I had limited time.. Instead of finding love and support, my marriage didn’t survive that and I was abandoned by my spouse. So when I see someone like you, who not only found love again but found it with someone who stayed, who chose to be there, I think that’s something worth honoring.

Batou604

I’ve spent a fair amount of time in a cancer hospital as a patient myself. Terminal patients are told “get your affairs in order”. I came to feel like there was a positive spin to that tbh, because getting a decent heads up when your clock is about to chime is kind of a priceless opportunity that not everyone gets in life.

That’s all you’re doing OP, preparing to go out prepared. Wrapping up unfinished business, and pre-solving problems for the loved ones you’re leaving behind. Your rekindled love with your husband warms the cockles like whisky on Christmas morning to boot.

And it’s none of your pious asshole brainlet sister’s business. If she told me I was “using” a cancer diagnosis for *anything*, she’d find herself removed from my will entirely. Perhaps that’s a factor even? Does marriage 2.0 foil expectations of hers somehow?

NTA

yikesthatsme22

You sound like you’ve come to terms with your situation. I’m sorry and it really really suck, that said do you really want to waste the time you have left worrying about what your sister thinks about your love life? If 2nd time hubby to be is in for it and it sounds like there’s good reasoning to it go for it. I think it would be good for the kids too to see mommy and daddy together and happy before you go. Don’t hold anything back and go live your life. Screw your sister (but like don’t please) and do what you want with your time. I wish you the absolute best and I hope you move on happily with as little regrets as possible.

Tl/dr: your sister sucks dirty ass cheeks and you should marry the man you want and spend your time happily before you go.

No-Replacement-2303

Your sister is being a jerk in a very sad situation. Remarrying your husband benefits you both, and regardless of whether or not it’s official, your ex will still be hurt and mourn your loss for a long time. Marrying him honors your relationship, it gives your children their full family before you pass, and it’s practical in that it gives your husband medical decision-making power AND it alleviates him being listed as your ex in your obituary. I hate this situation for you, but I think it’s a beautiful love story and a wonderful way to honor your love. Forget your sister—this is for your kids and partner. Willy nilly? Hardly. This is a very thoughtful reason to remarry.

Eggy-la-diva

Jesus Christ! Your sister really needs to learn when to zip it. I mean why on Earth would she prefer to shame you rather than enjoy time you with while she can, this is mind boggling to me.

In the meantime, YOU make the choices YOU want for the end of your life and anyways, your ex-husband-current-boyfriend-and-fiancé is a big boy who knows what he is doing marrying you at death’s door. I would politely ask her to ponder the meaning of her life, and let
you live the end of yours how you see fit without her pseudo Christian judgment.

Street_Leather198

First of all. What does your sister have to do with what YOU and HE decide? I think it’s poetic and beautiful.
I’ve never been married but if a woman were to decide to marry me with my expiration date coming close, I think she’s an angel for wanting to be with me until that last breath.
Also, I respect and admire your outlook on this but just know, doctors have been known to be wrong. Cancer has disappeared before. Don’t give up just yet. Maybe this is a test and to be honest, I think you’re doing great. Keep up the good fight.

SorryAlps3350

Sweetheart, first, no pity but the world will be less for having lost you. Your loved ones will grieve the loss of your future but I’M thankful you’ve had a life you loved. Some folks never do. So kudos.

You and your love do what is meaningful to you.

Sister??? Oh SISTER?!?!??!!?
Have a big ole cup of Shut. The. Heck. Up. Now. This is not your party so your rules, opinions, advice are not needed, not welcome and do not matter.

BE GRATEFUL FOR ANY TIME LEFT WITH YOUR SISTER, YOU UNGRATEFUL WRETCH.

survivor0000

Hate to tell you this, your sister is weird. None of her arguments make any sense. Apart from anything else, the divorce was not acrimonious, it was due to his heavy work schedule which he has cut back on. Under any circumstance of him doing that, you were both going to fall in love with each other again. It makes perfect sense that you would marry again and enjoy your remaining time as a complete family. NTA and enjoy your life.

atlantis1021

This is your business and your partner’s business. If he is cool with it, then do it. It is important to know though, to the very best of my knowledge, that he won’t get survivor benefits until you’ve been married for at least 6 months. If you’re terminal, I’d do it sooner than later. Best part, not a single person needs to know you did it. Let them mind their own business.

Crazy_rose13

NTA whatsoever, but I’m curious to understand how his work schedule could be so demanding that you both decided divorce was necessary to begin with if he was clearly able to dial back his schedule when you were diagnosed the first time. I’m curious what was going on at that time for you guys. Won’t change my answer, just curious.

NumerousBeesInABerry

NTA do what’s right for you your sister isnt experiencing what y’all are, do whats best for you and the time you have left. I don’t know the words right for someone looking the Grim Reaper in the eye, but I am sending that energy to your regardless cause I can’t imagine what you and your family are dealing with 💛💛💛

EducationalRiver1

Your sister sounds awful. Your husband / partner knows the facts and is happy to proceed with what sounds like a beautiful AND practical arrangement. Don’t listen to your sister. She doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

Also, from one mother to another, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how hard this must be.

Infamous_Two_5541

Your husband is his own man. Do not hesitate to remarry. You share children. This will be good for your kids. The only exception will be if he will take on medical bills etc.

But before God? Before your children? You two belong together. Your sister is being a crab. Maybe she’s single. Idk.

RottenElixer

While I dont completely disagree with your sister (I don’t completely agree with her either) I dont think you’re an AH for getting remarried, i think its a perfectly reasonable idea and makes alot of sense. No reason for yall not to get married again honestly.

Maximum-Ordinary2184

I personally don’t see the point in paying the government for a piece of paper stating you love someone, but there are benefits to it, so at the end the choice is yours and his, not your sisters. I hope you enjoy the rest of your lives and no, you wnbtah.

Ghettoman1315

Til death do us part, right? What kind of sister makes a big deal out of her dying sister’s final preparations in life? Your kids and their father is all that matters to you now so tell her to butt out of your life if she cannot be supportive. Nta

GellerWillickBunch

This is between you and your partner. If you both want this, then what other people say doesn’t matter. Your sisters needs to see her way out of your situation and stuff her ideas of be sanctity of marriage somewhere else.

Dismal-Remote-3906

NTA. Carry on with what YOU and EX want for yourselves and your children. Your sister is not part of this and her opinion seems off as it is not uncommon to remarry a prior spouse. Good luck to you and yours.

Thin_Tangerine_6271

Your sister needs to piss off, this is YOUR life and you only have a little bit of time left, you do what you can to bring some joy to it… congratulations in advance on your upcoming nuptials 🎉❤️

Kooky-Programmer480

Go ahead and get married, if it’s what you both want. What other people want has no bearing on the matter. Do a small special ceremony that includes all the people who matter to you.

Updateme

goodboycc

Let him love you to death. This is what love is. Let it be quality over quantity. I will always choose love. Any other choice, is choosing fear.

I will pray for your health and wellness.

thecardshark555

Your ex will experience pain either way and if it comforts both of you to be married then that is your answer.
Sister should mind her own business.
You’re NTA.
I wish you all the best.

GordTransport1958

Sister is wrong..Youve made peace with him.
He knows what he’s doing..he’s a big boy.
And your children will find inner joy with that decision.
Love is love..

IamtheRealDill

Why do you give a f-ck about your sister’s opinion on this? The only person’s opinion that matters is the person you want to marry. NTA if he’s on board

ThornyPoete

NTA If your partner is fine with it. Do it. Your sister is a ghoul. Tell her to shut it and if she brings it up again you’ll cut her negativity out.

squarebodynewb

Your relationship changed with the diagnosis. You fell back in love. You wouldnt be the first or last. Fuck your sisters opinion. Marry your love.

No_Panic_7904

Tell your sister to kick rocks and mind her own business! This is between you and your ex and hopefully future husband. Best of luck to you both.

Heebie-jeebies386

Absolutely marry him . Do what makes you both happy . Don’t make the decision based on what others think or feel .

LuckAffectionate8664

Your sister isn’t merely the asshole, she seems to be a toxic busy body who should mind her own business

KangkongKermit

Your sister is the devil. Wow. If both of you want to get remarried, don’t let hell itself stop you.

chloroformgirl86

Lmao, nah man, screw your sister. She’s such an asshole.

* my lmao is more of an audacity guffaw

PutosPaPa

NTA. If it is a decision that you and the ex-husband agree to it isn’t anyone else’s business

PremDikshit

NTA. Marry the guy ASAP! You both want it and there are good reasons. Your sister TA.

funbanker1984

NTA. Read the last paragraph. That’s all you need to know. Not your sister’s business.

bigdumbhick

Your sister is an asshole. Marry that man and cherish the time you have left together

StellarSteck

It’s between you and your ex not your sister. You two do what is best for you 🙏🏻

No-Veterinarian-1446

Sister wants to be executor and get the cash.

Conclusion

The central conflict for the OP revolves around fulfilling her final wishes for legal recognition and protection for her partner against external judgment regarding the timing of the remarriage. Her desire is rooted in love and ensuring practical arrangements for her partner after her death, while her sister frames this decision as a violation of marital sanctity and a sign of manipulative behavior.

The situation forces a choice between honoring personal commitment and legal practicality versus adhering to societal expectations about marriage timing. The core question remains: Is it inappropriate or wrong for a terminally ill person to remarry a former spouse to secure emotional and legal recognition for their final years and partner, or is this a valid exercise of personal autonomy in the face of mortality?