The conflict arose because the girlfriend has extremely restrictive eating habits, consuming only simple chicken dishes and avoiding most vegetables, spices, and varied textures. After six months of exclusively cooking meals she would eat, the OP stated he would stop catering entirely to her diet. This led to the girlfriend becoming very upset, accusing him of deceit for continuing the relationship and calling him selfish for refusing to cook separate meals for her. The OP is now questioning if he is wrong for setting this boundary.
I (32M) have been dating my girlfriend (30F) for about 6 months now. We get along great, we have a lot of fun together, we have deep conversations and honestly I see potential long term, maybe even marriage and kids.
For background, my mom is a professional chef, she worked in fancy restaurants her whole life and at home I’d always help her out in the kitchen. I grew up eating and making all kinds of dishes Indian, Asian, Middle Eastern, American etc…
I enjoy exploring different cuisines and experimenting with flavors.
My girlfriend however eats like a 7 year old on a chicken nugget diet. She doesn’t eat beef, pork, or fish only chicken. She doesn’t eat most greens unless they’re in a burger and the texture isn’t noticeable.
No mushrooms, no beans etc.., no sauces with “weird stuff” (like anything with visible onions, garlic, etc). No spicy food, no creamy textures, no stews, nothing “too chewy,” “too saucy,” or might have a “funky smells.” You get the idea.
So for the past 6 months, I’ve been cooking almost exclusively chicken every time she comes over. And even then, she might not eat it. I once made a creamy chicken dish with asparagus in the sauce and she raised her eyebrows in disgust.
Honestly, this is killing my love for cooking. I’m sick of eating chicken all the time, I swear I’m gonna start clucking soon and lay an egg.
I’ve tried to compromise, I asked her if she’d be open to trying new stuff slowly, or letting me make a dish where I can put her version and try to sneak in some small extra ingredients just to make her get used to other kinds of flavors but nope she refused the idea.
So I finally told her that if she’s not willing to budge, I’m not going to keep cooking meals that only she enjoys. I’ll still make something we can both eat every now and then, sure, but most days I’m going to cook what I actually enjoy.
And if that doesn’t work for her, she’s welcome to bring her own groceries and I can guide her to cook her own meal or she can order takeout.
That’s where she got really upset, she went off saying, “You knew I was don’t eat most things from the start, so why drag this relationship on for 6 months if it was such a burden?” I said, ” I knew you were picky, but I didn’t realize how much, your list of no keeps getting bigger.” I told her it’s not the end of the world, and we can make separate meals, but I just won’t be cooking a separate meal just for her.
She said she doesn’t like to cook and that I’m being inconsiderate and a bad boyfriend for not doing cooking a separate meal for her because I am some what of a chef and I enjoy it.
I said no I don’t want it to become a norm that I always cook two separate meals because that’s just extra work and unfair for me.
Now she’s upset, saying I’m selfish and uncaring, and that if I really loved her I wouldn’t make a fuss about this.
Also, don’t even get me started on picking restaurants that’s a whole other rant I won’t get into. Just know it’s a nightmare.
So AITAH?
Conclusion
The core conflict involves the OP’s desire to maintain his enjoyment of cooking and his culinary identity versus his girlfriend’s expectation that he should consistently labor to accommodate her severe dietary restrictions, even if it means cooking only for her. The OP feels taken for granted, while the girlfriend views his boundary as a sign of not caring or being in love.
The reader must consider where the line should be drawn between accommodating a partner’s needs and maintaining personal autonomy and enjoyment in a relationship. Is the OP justified in ceasing to be the sole, specialized cook, or does his culinary background create an obligation to continue this arrangement for the sake of relationship harmony?
Here’s how people reacted:
she’s happy for you to eat meals you don’t like or cook her separate meals. she refuses to try anything new or cook for herself sounds like she just wants a personal chef
but even if you ignore all that. you enjoy cooking new things and experimenting. you also enjoy trying new food. can you really spend the rest of your life with someone who only likes chicken nuggets. if picking a restaurant is hard imagine having to do it every couple of weeks for 30 years. imagine going on holiday to Italy or China or Prague and having to find restaurants that serve chicken nuggets and chips cause thats all she’ll eat. if you enjoy food then its not worth the hassle
However, her entitlement is WILD. At six months, I’d be questioning if this relationship is going in a direction you’re happy with or not.
Every time you cook up a delicious meal for yourself, chuck some of her stuff in the microwave or air fryer and be done with it. Make sure it’s a simple one and done cook method, nothing more nothing less. It will be annoying at first but so easy long term that it might alleviate the burden for you both.
She can have the same thing every time she is at your house or start bringing her own.
(I already think this is way above and beyond but it would be the least amount of tension)
Or you can ask yourself if you really want the next decade to look like this.
“She doesn’t like to cook” and expects you to cook her baby food every time? Come on, fuck that. She can cater to herself. It’ll be a lot less fun for her when she’s the only one paying attention to it.
easy to say; break up. she doesn’t wanna eat, she doesn’t wanna cook. and saying that your selfish? dont even one step back, continue with this attitude. cook for yourself, enjoy it. and never cook for her, keep saying that you can guide if she wants to cook for herself
if you are in a relationship, you must be able to change. and she’s definitely can’t.
breakup, or make her breakup
What would she do if you’re not dating? Starve? What did she do six months ago?
Although YTA for saying you were trying to get her to try new foods and you gave her something with asparagus in it – that is a very strong flavour and will only put off someone who is into very bland foods.
I really recommend you rethink your relationship with this person. This is what the rest of your life will look like.
People with ARFID get repulsed by certain tastes/textures. It can be hard for someone with ARFID to force feed themselves a food they have an aversion to.
She says you are selfish and uncaring. So is she if she won’t try any new food or get professional help.
A relationship is about compromise. Make of that what you will.
Nta