Your parents left those funds to you.

Why would your wife think half is hers?

I would consult an attorney or planner to make sure inherited funds are not shared.

And then maybe have that planner or attorney point out to her how inherited funds work. Perhaps you both go to the meeting and get the explanation in person at the same time? Or whatever you can come up with.

If you have a great relationship, I’m not sure why she jumped to half is mine and she’s ready to spend all of her half.

I’m guessing this is a thing because she doesn’t stand to inherit on her side of the family so she isn’t going to inherit money of her own. It probably looks like a fun, unexpected windfall to her.

I would not be the one to break it to her directly. But if you tell her you consulted someone to find out about how the funds work & *they* explain it’s not marital property, that could be somewhat less of a grenade going off.

And maybe there’s a chance for an overall goals discussion on what you’re working towards as a family? Family vacations? Bigger house? Better cars? Money set aside for the kids? It sounds like a larger discussion of your goals may be needed. To see what you guys agree on & what you need to fine tune.

I could see this leading to marital counseling.

Sorry for your loss! It’s difficult to lose parents. And then to have dissension pop up over money afterwards would not be fun.

If you’re not planning to share it all evenly, why not just let her know what the amount is that you DO plan to share jointly and keep the rest private for you to use however you wish. The longer she has to plan for how to spend money she’s not getting, the bigger the disappointment will be.

It may be unpopular to say this but, you probably shouldn’t have made her aware of your windfall if you had no plans to share it in the first place. At the very least, not disclosing how much money is involved might have been less cruel since the wife won’t see any of it. While I don’t believe in withholding important information in a marriage, every relationship has its own dynamics and circumstances and keeping the details of these assets private might be a better option.

Now that you’ve decided not to make your windfall part of your wife’s inheritance, you have no choice but to tell her. NTA. Expect to carry a heavier financial burden going forward, because you CAN.

YTA because you are leaving a lot of info out – either to make yourself look good or because you can’t be bothered with facts.  Are you sure that legally both those pots of money are yours and only yours?  Especially the gift is questionable, and the inheritance depends on the state.  And what are your conflicting plans for it?  Most, truly MOST of my cohort blew through inheritances and now are looking around in retirement like what?  Where’d it all go?!  So if that’s your concern, I have some sympathy, but you should address it with both of you meeting a financial planner.  This should be a team effort.  And if you are planning to divorce and happily rubbing your hands over this probably not marital property, well, you have suppressed information.

I would really like some more context as to how you handle your finances now. I think it matters for many reasons. If you have joint accounts and share all income and expenses, then yea, you kind of sound like the AH. If you have always maintained separate accounts and only share joint expenses, then perhaps not sharing would be ok, but it depends. My general feeling is that a marriage is a partnership and unless you have a prenup, or some other pre-arranged agreement on how the finances will be handled, you better be prepared for a really heated discussion. She could feel betrayed, blind-sided, and hurt. She may feel like you can’t be trusted to look out for the well being of the household and the relationship. Good luck.

His and my grandmas passed about the same time. We each received money. Mine considerably more. We decided how to use it together. All of his and some of mine went into a new home. The rest of mine setup kids education and bolstered our retirement.

If something were to happen that caused us to split. We’d sell the house, pull what we each put in and split the rest 50/50. Kids education is solely in my name. We each take our own retirement accounts. I’d pull the extra I put in and then we’d split the brokerage equally.

Yes, the inheritance we keep separate but make decisions jointly.

If I were in your shoes I would contact an attorney and get a consult in terms of how to best protect your assets in general. My guess would be to set up a Trust then your attorney would explain to you and your wife that these assets are not community property by law. Doing it this way takes the situation away from me against you and I’m right. You may also need a consultation with a wealth manager. Do not make this a thing if you like your wife, but you are legally correct and inheritance is not community property.

NOPE! Inheritance is not a WE thing it is a YOU thing. My FIL is set to give both his sons a very hefty inheritance. I have always told my husband that is YOUR money. Not OURS. (All the money he makes is ours. I’m a SAHM) inheritance brings out the worst in people. I refuse to be apart of that.
Just be honest “honey I understand why you feel the way that you do but I do not have the same feelings. We need to talk about this and I need you to receive my message with grace. “

As a married couple, the funds are “ours.” However, they should be handled wisely. The reason so many lottery winners, and quick money makers file bankruptcy, it’s due to foolish handling of funds.

I would bring in a financial advisor, mediate with them about best way to handle the money and where to place it.
The worst thing a person can do is run off and buy a new house in cash, or new cars cash.

NTA. But be careful

Honestly, I think you are in for a fight no matter how you phrase it. I think you should decide how much to give her that she can make plans for how she wants to spend it. The lady might be okay if she can have a little fun. If you say this is mine and only I get to decided how it is spend you might be getting divorced.

Have you checked into legal ramifications regarding your inheritance? I think it is possible that some states might consider inheritances to a married person as part of the “marital property” and thus considered jointly-owned. So if you haven’t cleared that issue yet, please check into it first.

Yes, you are. Nothing should be solely anyone’s and depending on the state you live in, if you treat her like this, half of it will be gone instead of shared. I suggest you rethink your whole perspective on relationships, and probably women in general. This is gross.

Talk to your wife man. She shouldn’t be having eyes on this money, but you shouldn’t be hoarding it either. Indulge her wants and needs. Be reasonable, make sure things are aligned. If she’s not retired yet then retire her and yourself.

You sound like a borderline shit husband. Do you not like your wife? Why didn’t this get discussed immediately when she said something? You just shut up and hid your feelings? I’m sure glad I’m not married to you.

Maybe give her a fourth. Use half responsibly, paying off debt and/or putting in to savings. Then with the other half it’s fun money, half for you, half for her, to do whatever you want with.

You think you have a great marriage but a voice tells me she stayed with you and patiently waited for your parents to die to get the money.
She’s with you because you’re rich .

YTA

How could you ever get a “shit ton” of money and your plans to spend it do not include:

Step 1: get opinions of spouse.

Step 2: come to mutual agreement with spouse.

Ok StinkyDogFart, what’s hers is hers, what’s y’all’s is hers and what’s yours is hers.

Don’t piss her off bad enough to make her prove that to you in a court of law!

In most US states, that money is in fact legally yours.

That doesn’t say anything about fairness or the state of your marriage, but you get to make that decision

Just spit balling here but sounds like OPs wife might like to “spend spend spend” and maybe he would have had that talk had she not want to spend that too?

Make sure you put all that money in a “sole and separate“ trust so that there’s no issue of commingling of assets and only you have access to it.

It does not sound like a marriage to me. I sounds like a dictatorship. If you have any respect for her have an honest conversation.

What even made her think that she was entitled to half? Just cuz she was married..? Is she entitled with anything else?

Yes. If you control that money all on your own and don’t give her at least a 50/50 day in it, you are an ass hole.

Yta

You have been married for 35 years an you stil think about “your” money?

I find that alone pretty weird…

This is a weird thing to bring up unless you are thinking you’ll get divorced in the next few years.

Just curious, why isn’t it for both of you? Aren’t you partners? I don’t get it

More info needed…
Is she a sahm for any portion of your marriage ? If so…yta 

Sounds like you’re the asshole based on the info you gave in your post

Well she didn’t earn a cent of it…. Oh wait… Neither did you!

I think this is why they add, “for richer or for poorer”.

*WIFE*

it is not your money. It is the money.

YAT

If you’re married won’t it be community property?

Inheritances are not joint marital assets.