You guys need to sit down and talk to each other, you’re meant to be a team. If you’re working all day then she is single parenting, it doesn’t reflect your efforts, just the reality of the caregiving duties. If your contribution ends at the financial, she’s got too much of the parenting solely on her, and *more importantly in my opinion,* you’re missing out on early childhood bonding time that you can’t get back.

Having the husband off at work all day was a feasible thing when we had our families close around us for support, but today it’s really hard. Again, not a reflection of your effort, it’s just a different economy and lifestyle now than in the 50s where this might be the norm.

Let her know you hate working the long hours (I’m assuming you’d rather be parenting) and that you miss the time with her and kiddo as well. I’m sure in her mind you’re happy as a clam at work and in your mind she’s living the easy life being a SAHM. In reality you’re both working hard for the family.

Is there any way possible to get someone in helping her, a family member or friend, or just getting her out to socialize? Or some way for you to cut back a tiny bit on work so you can get (and enjoy) some time with the kiddo? My husband and I were both able to cut back our work schedules to have more family time, we were lucky to have that option and even though it stalled our careers a bit, it was worth it. Now that the kids are older they don’t want our attention and company as much and I’m so glad we got lots of it in the early years. And his bond with both our kids is the envy of all of my friends.

You’re parents in the early years, you are in the weeds of hands on parenting. Soon the kid will be able to potty alone (and actually not make a mess), buckle and unbuckle the seatbelt (and only when you want them to) and pump themselves on the swing. Then she’ll start to slowly get time to breathe or drink a hot cup of coffee that is still hot when she finishes it (likely seems impossible to her now) and it won’t be so full on. And you might be able to find ways to incorporate kiddo into little bits of your work day as well. My kids loved shredding paper documents, going to the post office or supply store, etc. To me it was a pain, but to them it was an adventure and quality time.

This is my very long way of saying parenting is hard, have grace with yourself and her. My husband and sit monthly for a “state of our union address” to make sure we know what we need to focus on and are aware of the other person’s pressures, I highly recommend it.

ESH. You’re both feeling two very different ways and need to have a serious discussion.

You’re both doing a lot. It’s overwhelming for both of you and you need to hear each other’s perspectives and really listen to each other on how you both feel.

Both of you have valid feelings. It’s a lot of pressure to take on working all those extra hours but it’s also a lot of pressure to raise a child, maintain a home and have dinner on the table every night. Both of you need to work on the respect part of the relationship and show each other you appreciate each other.

It could be as simple as saying “honey let me watch the kids for 2hrs while you go binge watch your favorite show” or get a baby sitter and go out to eat. Never stop dating your wife. Simple gestures will mean the world to her and for her she will reciprocate back as she will feel seen, heard, appreciated, and loved.

A single mother that doesn’t have a 9:00 to 5:00. That doesn’t have to worry about how her rent is paid for, where food is coming from clothes for her and kid, insurance.

She doesn’t just see her kids between 6:30 and 10: 00pm mon-fri when you get home from work and it’s time to put them to bed and in between all that time you got to rush through make dinner, healthy and can’t repeats meals to close together, wash the dishes go through homework prepare clothes for the next day maybe lunches.

Tell her that if she wants to complain like that she can get a job and you guys can hire a sitter if she’s so damn bored in the house because you’re not there to entertain her with a helicopter d*ck to her face.

I’ll sign up for that gig.

She feels like a solo parent because she is doing solo parenting. Those are her feelings. You are working hard to keep the household afloat. But that doesn’t mean she’s not going to feel like that. If you aren’t able to assist with parenting duties, it’s natural that she will end up feeling like this. It sounds like you both are living separate lives keeping the total life together. Acknowledge each other and what you both are doing and that you both appreciate each other’s responsibilities. You are in the stage of life where you have to give it your all to each other, the kids, and work. It’s hard. Been there and done that. Only way to get through it is to acknowledge and validate the feelings you both have.

Sounds like you need to talk to her about what you can do to help her feel less burdened. 

 Keeping a child healthy and happy, plus running a household 24/7 is hard. It would be hard for anyone. 

Remember that you chose to have a child, with a woman, and both those relationships need tender love and care. 

Your kid is 3, what kind of childhood do you want them to have? One where dad and mom don’t get along?

You’ve heard what your wife feels, instead of asking what you could do to help, you told her you don’t appreciate how she feels. 

It doesn’t sound like you are doing anything wrong, or a bad partner or bad father, but sometimes that’s simply not enough 

Soft YTA. I know it can be hard to process but it’s not about you! You ARE invalidating her. She’s not speaking about you at all here, she’s describing the overwhelming load she bears.

You’re both working hard. Her feelings aren’t wrong because you don’t like them. She’s allowed to have a negative feeling that you are a part of without it being perceived as an attack on you! Notice how she isn’t complaining that you don’t contribute? Or that you’re some kind of problem? It sounds like she’s talking about herself. Because she is.

I’m not trying to make you feel bad here. Just get some perspective. Again, her comments are not about you, they’re about how she FEELS.

As someone who has been in this position, working 12 hour overnight, rotating schedule WO a kid, ive been in this situation before. Assuming you are working 50-60 hours a week to support the three of you. That’s ALOT of work. Would it be feasible that you two come to the decision to put your son into daycare so your wife could get a job(something so shes not home by herself all day?) Or even the job could pay for the cost of daycare. Because otherwise its only going to get worse her feelings will build and eventually will lead to separation-divorce. Id also suggest counseling for the two of you.

If working a normal full time job is parenting, then my childfree ass must have unknowingly parenting this whole time!

You’re lucky enough that your salary is enough to support 3 people. Maybe instead of immediately getting defensive, you take that feeling of guilt as an opportunity to grow. When you come home from work, do you split childcare duties? Your wife has a full time job too: taking care of the kid. If you’re not doing an EQUAL amount of childcare on your time off, then yeah she’s gonna feel like she’s solo parenting.

Did you always work that much ? Because honestly I don’t know how you can do that while being an active parent, doing your part of the house chores and being present for your partner. If it was like that before having your son, well that sucks but your wife could imagine what was going to happen. But even here, her feelings are totally understandable.

Could you work less and be more present for your family ? Could your wife work again to balancing all the work between you too ? NAH

If all your doing is working and not helping at home or with your kid at all I can see why she feels that way. I’m not saying you aren’t because you didn’t say I’m just saying if you aren’t that’s why she’s feeling that way. I work 50 hours a week and my husband stays home with our kid but I still come home cook dinner and clean up the house so not everything is on him because alot of times staying home is more work than working I’ve been on both sides.

Tell her if she was a true single mom she’d working a full day and then coming home and doing what she’s doing now, she’s insulting single mothers by saying that shit. She’s a stay at home mom her job is the kid yours is to work. She doesn’t get a title that comes with higher respect because you work long hours so does everyone in this economy sweetheart. I’m a stay at home dad and I think it’s batshit to try to claim that; NTA.

What do you do to help out with the kiddo? Or the house? Just working to pay the bills doesn’t stop her from feeling a certain way. If you are not involved in getting the kid up, bathed, or fed, or put to sleep… It makes sense why she feels like a solo parent. If you don’t help cook or clean, this may exacerbate those feelings.

That doesn’t negate what you do, but it’s understandable why she might feel that way.

The absolute biggest issue here is her talking shit about you to other people. I have never said a negative word about my wife to another human being. The worst I have said was that she was stressing me out. We even separated at one point and I still refused to be negative and so did she. Your wife is discrediting the work you are putting in to keep your family afloat. NTA op

NTA. She has no understanding how hard being an actual single parent is. She also doesn’t understand how fortunate she is to have the financial ability to stay home rather than work outside the home. I was a stay at home mom for 20+ years and I know it can sometimes be a lot, but I saw my widowed mother raise three kids by herself too. I know which one is harder.

INFO is she getting kiddo eady for the day, feeding them every meal, bathing, planning every activity, cleaning the house, shopping for groceries, doing laundry, putting him to bed and cleaning up after every meal on her own?

If she is thats solo parenting.

Yes you are providing an income but shes doing all the labor with little to no time for herself.

The petty in me says to just hand her the bills next month and let her pay them. Single parents are typically those who have to take care of the baby and pay for the household.

The issue here is that you two need to chat about your individual contributions, how it takes two parts to make the whole, and how each of you can support each other.

You’re working hard to provide money.

She’s working hard to take care of the kids.

You’re both stressed out and should talk this out. I’m not sure if you help out around the house with chores/spend time with the kid once you get home, but if you do, she’s definitely in the wrong. All in all, a real lack of specifics to really know.

It sounds like you both really need a day or 5 off. Is it in the budget to plan something together while the kiddo stays with grandparents or a babysitter? Maybe a nice dinner or a night at a hotel together, just to reconnect and talk about how you’ve both been feeling, while also trying to understand where each other is coming from

If she does all of the parenting, she is not incorrect by calling it “solo parenting.” She is doing all of the work of parenting. You are the “sole provider” correct?

Her struggles are not invalid because you have your own struggles with being the provider.

While you may work long hours, mommy often does not get to clock out.

It sounds like you aren’t making enough money, and she doesn’t have the skills that pulls in an income that can pay for childcare. 

If you can afford childcare; it’ll be be a big relief off of her and ultimately you. 

Whatever the circumstance is, it sounds like it’s a money issue at its core. 

Soft YTA.

Being at work is not the same as being a stay at home parent.
I used to work super long hour days too and it was way easier than solo parenting tbh.

Especially a three year old. I think you two need to figure out a different arrangement

Tell
Her to get a job and you can reduce your hours and be home more . This is usually such BS , your home more and she would say if you worked More or longer etc we could taken trip or gets
New or second vehicle

No probs, she can get a job to support the fam and you can be the stay at home dad.

Or you can cut back your hours and she can still get a job to fill that gap.

NAH, she needs to understand that a true single mother works AND does everything that she does now. But you need to understand how alone she probably feels.

How about she gets a job so you don’t have to work 12 hour days to provide for everyone, or does she enjoy the free room and board you provide for her?

single parents also pay all the bills, so if she wants to martyr herself as a single mom, its time she gets a job too and starts paying bills

How many single mothers have money flowing in without having to ever work a job? Probably single digit %.

Maybe she can get a job so you can work less hours and you both get quality time with your kid. Nta

NAH. Seems like both of you should take the time to really understand how the other one truly feels

YTA bc when are you spending time with your kid? Thats who really is the one missing out here.

Shehas no idea what it is like to lose a partner and have to raise children solo

NTA. She’s acting like you don’t pay for most of not everything in the house.

NTA – she’s invalidating your contribution by calling herself a single mother

NTA but now she should go and search for a job – then OP can reduce his 50:50

Ditch her and find one that appreciate your had work stay up king

NAH. You’re both fighting different battles in the same war.

She is a married single mom if you leave everything to her.

Let her pay the bills for a bit. Bet she changes her tune.

NTA divorce her so she gets to fulfill her dreams.