While being helped to bed, the wife shared details about flirting with a much younger man (25) and feeling desirable. OP dismissed her bragging with a joke, which seemed to upset her further the next morning when she repeated the story, mentioning she almost left with the man. When OP responded by expressing confidence in her loyalty rather than jealousy, his wife became cold and distant, leaving OP confused about why his reaction caused conflict.
I (M, 40) have been married to my wife (F, 39) for almost 10 years, and we have two kids. Last week, she asked if she could go out for her coworker’s birthday on Saturday. I said, “Of course.” The kids and I watched a movie, played video games, and ordered pizza.
She came home really late and drunk. As I was helping her get ready for bed, she started bragging about flirting back and forth with some 25 year old guy and how she “still got it.” I laughed and said, “Okay, drunk lady!
Go to bed.”
On Sunday morning, she told me the story again about the 25 year old guy and how she almost went home with him. I’m not the jealous type; I just laughed it off. She got upset and said, “Why are you not jealous?
You think I’m too ugly or old to find anyone?” I said, “No! You’re gorgeous and can find anyone you want! I just know your type! You’re loyal! You’re not a cheater! Look at you! You came home to me and even admitted flirting, which, by your description, was harmless fun.”
She didn’t like my reply and has been very distant to me. I feel like I said something stupid or disappointing. I asked her multiple times what I did wrong, but she basically ignores me.
Even the kids notice that she’s cold to me. Was I an asshole for the way I reacted?
Conclusion
The OP finds himself in a difficult position, having reacted to his wife’s story about flirting with reassurance based on his trust in her loyalty, only to face her severe withdrawal and emotional distance. The core conflict lies between the OP’s perception of the event as harmless fun, which warranted a non-jealous response, and his wife’s apparent expectation for a different reaction, possibly validation or concern.
The debate centers on whether the OP was wrong to dismiss the situation by expressing trust instead of showing jealousy when his wife admitted to nearly leaving with another man. Readers must consider if his confidence in her character negated the seriousness of her actions, or if her negative reaction stemmed from deeper, unmet emotional needs.
Here’s how people reacted:
I would have a serious convo about this with her and tell her you didn’t really think about it too much at first, but now playing it back it seems very serious. I would get to the bottom of why she thought it was ok to flirt with this guy and consider seriously going home with him and hooking up.
You were a bit dismissive and so that is she was angry but I still think she sucks more for doing that and throwing it in your face in order to spark a reaction rather than bringing up issues in a more direct manner.
>she told me the story again about the 25 year old guy and how she almost went home with him.
This is just so trashy and narcissistic.
And then to pull back to reveal another nasty layer: that she deliberately shared that story to hurt you so you’d stroke her ego.
She should be on her hands and knees begging forgiveness for emotionally cheating. The fact that the womanchild is now icing you out because you didn’t fall at her feet worshipping her and begging her to stay after she cheated is trashy as hell.
Guys our age are change after young girls. We can’t compete with 22yr old girls. Etc etc.
My mom blew up her marriage over this crap. Tell your wife to get her self esteem sorted or she’ll regret the consequences of her behavior.
You’ll be on track for divorce soon enough if you don’t have an honest discussion with her.
She’s looking elsewhere
NTA.
Good luck man. Updateme!