When the wife jokingly asked if the offer implied she smelled bad, the OP admitted that she did, which immediately caused her to become angry. The wife stated that a husband should not tell his wife she stinks, leading to an ongoing conflict. The OP is now facing a dilemma regarding this perceived double standard, as his wife frequently points out his hygiene issues.
Yesterday I came home from work and my wife greeted me in the usual manner. While I was hugging her I noticed she smelled pretty bad of BO—no biggie, I know she was home with the baby all day and probably gardening outside.
Later in the evening I offer to make her a bath and she jokingly asks “why, are you saying I stink?” I honestly offered to do it just to be nice because I knew she had a long day and likes baths, but she *did* smell bad, so I kinda laughed and said “well…”
Then she gets mad at me and says a husband isn’t supposed to say his wife stinks, and she’s been sore with me about it ever since.
I find this a little hypocritical. She’s *never* had a problem telling me when my farts stink, when I have morning breath, or when I don’t wipe well enough, so why do I have to walk on eggshells for her over this?
Am I crazy, or is this an unfair double standard?
Conclusion
The central conflict here is rooted in differing expectations regarding honesty and sensitivity within the marriage. The OP feels justified in his directness because his wife has historically felt free to point out his own hygiene shortcomings, leading him to perceive her reaction as unfair hypocrisy.
The core question for debate is whether the OP was wrong to confirm his wife’s suspected odor when prompted, given the established pattern of mutual criticism, or if the wife is entitled to protection from critiques about her smell, even when directly asked. Should the rule of honesty apply equally to both partners?
Here’s how people reacted:
As a fellow mother, I went through a period a few months after having my baby where my armpit odor was very strong for no reason at all, no matter how much I showered and how little I sweated. It could be a hormonal thing that she’s not yet aware of or could be self conscious about.
I don’t think you’re TA with the context given because you didn’t seem to have bad intentions, but try not to dismiss her reaction because being a new mom is hard in so many ways that we aren’t prepared for. Including random hormonal changes that still happen MONTHS after the baby has been born. This could also be the cause for the seemingly blown out of proportion reaction she had. I suffered from post-partum rage and extreme anxiety for about 9 months+ after my son was born, and definitely over reacted, got angry, and cried when it was not necessary or how I would normally act. Her brain is probably a total mess from being completely rewired due to pregnancy and birth.
Just try not to take her reaction personally, and do what you can to keep reminding her how much you love her, how beautiful you think she is, and how much you appreciate what she does and has been through. I’m just trying to help you understand why she may be reacting the way she is, as someone who had quite a few over reactions myself, not implying you did something wrong.
First year after having a baby is very hard for both parents and it is CRUCIAL to communicate your feelings to one another because things like this can quickly snowball and get out of hand and it can all be avoided with trying your best to understand each other. I wish yall the best !
Regarding your other smells she mentions I was going to recommend you tell her it bothers you when she calls attention to them, but now what with the wiping and all, I’m starting to suspect your hygiene habits are lacking, so she has to tell you you stink to get you to get clean. Sorry.
Regarding telling your wife she smelled of BO: it’s a read the room kind of situation. If she herself jokes about how she stinks, she didn’t get a chance to shower etc, then you can confirm that. Otherwise keep it to yourself. Being at home all day with the baby is draining enough. YTA.
Like first off, change your username psychopath. Second, if my wife ever told me I didn’t wipe my butthole good enough I’m walking into traffic. Third, to me it sounds like you’re someone who is chronically smelly and this chick had a hard day’s labor looking after your kid and doing housework and yard work and you decide to point out she smells when it’s not a common occurrence for her
So, YTA because you should be consistent on how clean your AH is.
“Hey, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. But you’re always honest with me when I stink, and I thought you would appreciate the same honesty. In the future, how would you like me to bring up things like this?”
And before you say, “its not often” if it wasn’t, you wouldn’t have added it to the list of things she complains about. 🤷♀️😂😂
YTA, and clean it while you’re at it!
I get this isn’t the point of the post and I got completely side tracked, but bro. She really needs to tell you this?
No doubt if you smelt rank she’d tell you and wouldn’t even break it softly.
when I don’t wipe well enough,
Your wife is being silly.