OP had planned a proposal for the first day, but postponed it due to arguments. Later, during a romantic nighttime walk on the beach, OP attempted to propose, but his girlfriend stopped him, stating that the moment did not meet her expectations for a grand, social-media-style proposal she desired. This rejection left the OP feeling dejected, and the subsequent demand that he redo the proposal ‘the right way’ has left him questioning the future of their relationship.
For context, My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 years, and over thanksgiving weekend I took her on a weeklong trip to Hawai’i with the intention of proposing to her, I even asked her parents for their blessing and showed them the ring a couple days before we left for the trip.
We have talked about marriage before and we’ve both agreed that we want to marry each other, so the idea of it is nothing new and actually a frequent topic.
The issue is that she wanted a grand wedding proposal similar to the ones you might see on tiktok/instagram; Big “MARRY ME” letters on the beach, rose petals on the ground, lights, mariachi, etc.
I was absolutely on board on doing that for her if it made her happy, but that was something to be planned at a beach back at home since I wouldn’t have the resources to plan it for a trip to somewhere we’ve never been, especially because we booked everything as a last minute vacation just 5 days prior, ironically after she sent me videos of people vacationing in Hawaii.
I believed this would be a great opportunity though.
I planned to propose to her on the day we arrived. I carried the ring in my pocket all day waiting for a good opportunity to ask her (knowing it wasn’t going to be a grand proposal like she had hoped, but I thought because of the circumstances she would be happy)however we had some completely unnecessary arguments and I decided to postpone because I didn’t want to do it after a bitter day.
Second day there, we had booked a reservation to go parasailing. I didn’t want to risk losing the ring, so I left it back at the hotel. We didn’t get back to the hotel until ~5pm and we started getting ready to go back out in the city, by this time it was already starting to get dark.
She’s said before that she would want a sunset proposal, and knowing that I couldn’t organize any of the other things she had in mind for a proposal, the sunset was the only thing I had.
I missed my chance on that but we still went out to dinner and drinks. We came back to the hotel afterwards because she was tired (I was too, it was an eventful day). I let her rest for a bit and around 10:30 I convinced her to go on a night walk with me at the beach.
This was when I planned to propose to her. We got to the beach, the city was very much still awake and the lights of the buildings and streets combined with the bright moon illuminated the ocean beautifully.
We stood there hugging and kissing, both knowing it was a beautiful and intimate moment. I started telling her how much I love her and how I want to be with her my entire life etc.
As I started to get on my knee and reaching my pocket for the ring, she stopped me. “I hope you’re not about to propose to me right now, this isn’t what I expected”. My heart dropped, I got back up and stood speechless before starting to walk back to the hotel.
I was in no mood to talk about the situation and told her we should talk about it tomorrow.
We talked about it the next day and she insists on me doing it again, but this time “the right way” during sunset. I tell her I can’t do that because she rejected me already. She tells me she didn’t reject it, just simply it wasn’t how she would have wanted it to happen.
We spent the next 4 days in Hawaii in a very tense state but we had to deal with it until we got back home.
We live together and for the first night she went to sleep with her parents, now she came back but I don’t want to be home with her there.
Conclusion
The OP is now faced with a significant conflict between his genuine intention to commit and the girlfriend’s insistence on a highly specific, performative execution of the proposal, which she rejected when offered in a more intimate setting. The fallout from this event has created tension in their shared living space, causing the OP to seriously doubt whether this fundamental difference in expectations is insurmountable.
The core dilemma is whether the meaning of the commitment outweighs the manner in which it is asked. Should the OP feel obligated to stage an elaborate, planned proposal upon returning home to satisfy her desires, or is the girlfriend’s rejection of a sincere, albeit imperfect, moment a sign of deeper incompatibility regarding values and emotional needs?
Here’s how people reacted:
She wanted a sunset proposal.
It’s not insane for him to wait for the right time, put in the effort and have it properly executed because he knows that what will make her happy as she do clearly communicated. In his story, he knew he was about to drop the ball and then still dropped it and proceeded to be mad at her for something she clearly communicated. Yahll love to say you don’t know what women want but when we do communicate, suddenly again, we’re high maintenance bitches. Smh.
I don’t think what she was asking for is unreasonable especially if she wants to just be married once in her life.
Furthermore, let’s look at this from a male lense.
If she knew he wanted let’s say for illustrative purposes, a gold watch with brown accents that he’s been pining over. She’s heard him say a bunch of times, “Omg, I would love to have this and I think it would be great in this specific color because it just goes so well with my skin tone.” She’s heard him talk about it at dinner, at the park, while grocery shopping.
An attentive partner would take note. Figure out how they could get their hands on this particular model. You call up the company, you ask how many are in stock, maybe you make a down payment to hold the item until you can fully purchase it. After all you’re doing this because you know it will be worth the joy your partner is going to have when you make their wish come true.
So when you finally get it, you have it wrapped properly to ensure that the switch off is immaculate. You’re about to fulfill a wish for your spouse that they’ve been singing on for a while.
Now imagine if you just went to the store and just bought the first item you saw in this watch, let’s say it’s green with purple accents. And then you just hand it to them when you come home. You’re like, “oh I know you wanted that watch so I just got the first one I saw. I know you have been saying you want the gold one with the brown accents but I couldn’t be bothered to make the effort to find that one so I figured you should just be happy that I got you whatever I saw anyway.”
^thats how the majority of you guys sound. Annoying.
Now woukd you tell that man he’s being a high maintenance entitled little cry baby if this was the scenario? I doubt it.
This is how I know people suck so bad.
You should think about her picture perfect demands as a precursor of things to come in life with her. SM has caused so many people to have unrealistic expectations of life. Not everything has to be TT worthy. Some things should be quiet and private and not a performance for SM clout.
My ex-husband was driving us home from dinner on a dirt road in CT on Valentine’s night, stopped the truck, had us get out in our nice evening clothes (him in chinos and a tan sportscoat, me in a royal purple blouse, long winter white skirt and white stilettos. On. A. Dirt. Road.) and asked in front of the headlights. He did not get down on one knee because, well, mud. It wasn’t what my 23 year old self dreamed of, but I wanted to marry the man so I said yes. Of course we split up 13 years later, but I’ll never forget the proposal because I loved him.
I really miss that blouse.
She is allowed to have her fantasy, even if it is more about attention from others, than love for you. You should hand caught that earlier, but late is better than alimony.
You’re allowed to be turned all the way off. You’re proposing to her, but how you do it isn’t typically scripted and directed by the surprised party.
You don’t need to justify a breakup. You gained insight. That’s mature, and you have a reasonable concern that the disregard for your feelings, and whether you’ll be able to meet her expectations long term. You might ask whether there’s rigidity in anything else – such as lifestyle, work, children, etc. Or other flags you missed.
Love isn’t enough for distance. Trust your instincts.
My wife now (then gf) returned from a trip to FL.
It was blizzard conditions and packed ice on the roads when I picked her up at the airport 1 hr away.
It took 2.5 hours to get there. It was a very unpleasant drive. I told her on the way home if she ever wants me to do anything like that again she better be my wife. She asked if that was a proposal. I told her “I’ve told you several times I wanted to marry you”. I wasn’t going to keep bugging her about it till she wanted to have that conversation again.. “So are we engaged?”, she asked. Yes, let’s go ring shopping. I replied.
Moral of the story, your girlfriend sounds awful..
Or simply tell her that it’s her turn now, you willing to learn ho to do a propsal and you are now waiting for the perfect proposal from her. She should know what you want.
Or wait for her parents/friends to ask you what happend to the proprosal and tell them what her response was, likely they will adjust her expectation for her.
I would not be in a rush to fix this immediately, how you deal with this cold define your future.
ohh, you’re definitely bad in bed lol. she told you what she wanted and you didn’t even provide one aspect of it, come on man. you’re in the wrong here.
People shouldn’t marry – keeps everyone auditioning for the part.
She does not sound sensible, dont waste your time with her
Shes high maintenance. Life happens.