Nicole insists that the OP’s children should leave public school and join her homeschooling program, citing jealousy among her own children and a desire for family uniformity. The OP has firmly refused this request, which has escalated into ongoing pressure from both Aaron and Nicole, leading the OP to question if her refusal is solely intended to cause disruption. The central question is whether the OP is justified in maintaining her children’s current public school enrollment against the wishes of her ex-husband and his new partner.
I (31f) share two children (9m & 8f) with my ex-husband Aaron (35m). Aaron’s cheating ended our marriage and before long he had moved in with Nicole (34f) and her children (11, 10, 8 and 6).
Aaron and Nicole have a 2 year old together and they’re expecting another child.
Even before Aaron and Nicole met she homeschooled her children. While my kids attend public school. This was mentioned as a problem before they were even married but I ignored them.
Now this has come up again and they are being a thorn in my side about it.
Nicole said it is unfair for her children to see mine go to school while hers do not. She told me her kids have become jealous and it’s causing issues for her parenting and for her and Aaron’s family.
I told her this was not my problem and she needed to figure out how to manage that. As that is the life of blended families. Not everything will be the same or equal for the kids from different marriages.
Aaron asked me to homeschool a few times and I told him I would not entertain the idea. He even asked the kids who were worried when they came to me about it. They didn’t want to leave their friends and teachers and they didn’t want to stay home all day like Nicole’s kids.
I reassured them I would not be saying yes to homeschooling for them.
Now Nicole and Aaron are on a mission to make me agree to Nicole homeschooling my kids alongside hers. Apparently they have the 2 year old started into some form of pre-k homeschooling and they feel it’s only fair for my kids to join in too.
I said no. I even had my lawyer send their lawyer a letter officially stating my position on this. My lawyer has also documented everything. They asked their lawyer to take this back to court and get a judge to overrule me but their lawyer told them this would not go in their favor.
My ex was so unhappy about it that he told me all of this and it gave me the chance to document that also.
Now they’re claiming I don’t have a good reason to refuse other than to disrupt their home and to keep Nicole from playing a bigger role in the lives of my children. And to prevent sibling bonding between Nicole’s kids and mine.
I told them I have many reasons to say no and they just need to accept it. I stopped replying after this.
But since school ended for the summer I have been inundated with pressure from them over this. They are worried that I’ll send them to school in September as planned. Which will happen.
I feel like the kids wanting to go to school should also count and I told Aaron this before.
Conclusion
The OP is clearly standing firm on her decision to keep her children enrolled in public school, a choice supported by the children themselves and seemingly backed by legal advice suggesting the ex-partner’s attempts to force a change through court will fail. The core conflict lies between the OP’s commitment to the established educational structure for her children and the desire of Aaron and Nicole to create a single, unified, homeschooled environment for their entire blended family.
Given the children’s stated preference for school and the OP’s legal standing, the debate centers on whose parental preference should prevail regarding education in a divorced setting. Is the OP obligated to compromise on her children’s schooling to ease the perceived social or parenting challenges within the ex-husband’s new household, or is maintaining the status quo, which supports her children’s wishes, the correct course of action?
Here’s how people reacted:
[](https://alb.reddit.com/cr?za=6hpP5JttqglzJSUVwNSURvM00JIZ4Bcwi1RbIuKXU_KCc60nDnTbfOPaUvp0RP8XeUiVT2ISOsPE1Ld3UN0gUx1yiyDdab6TsBcO6f3vVJXnkSzhzB87z8sDe_9T-X8nnmgR4SsDPdlbZo8xC06-iDy61IhuW0r8wveYcku9-yYiOaCX–xOrkYbmuFpBQ7svx0yMKvCg0T6tU51MSZ9t2OkdKW-wR5LEI7mm5zmaTvbsReiNduXNiLFjxdBbO_I0udQ1Y_3AOTf1uvtuKKtVsJbVzu76TR7uhpxIw55puR5obMBZYcqBxitfgsvfGODz5LQqT_hzJtPIGsk6eEVKXCEDD4Uw_VGJIj-oG21-dMBFRLNpYMpXo3MxhJC2OQJNAwPBL557ES3Tx7gtT13c-kjUgnVsr_XdOcOTzIGyTfJF_5wMzYIPj2gvdgmoQGE-lCSFYmaGcJffsktWb_400oIB0qx6plvAa4Gwe1xJnG7dSsyLEH3oP0QxsP094mFm-oOUrRZ58kKvQ_eGsa0Eoq9pOS2eWiu2HrLjc_3vE9GfiYbyIHdojsRfKJvgtLVM3XZAEo&zp=I306bu-FfsmfsQIhw6603gJL27qKPyCwo_uFVTMoRwGtl7pmX7poGQ6EhZVgbJw2yQ115iYCgj-SVyBFS-avpEZuM7n83AzdIN8GaBt-b5nGymJ-mT7j0uPaP8vxfuPtSyrf8PcvxxFdduFm3q1nXWuSN6OKj9_k5YTmwTQIsoEiF5STIvhLEYYmwqJDYcixvW9WhtuVCgd2sM3VS3OQVz-BjvOGnhI5fruX_nUovZyRx-yI-BaDzjMrU4FEPJTIoaH8YTHno-O5bRl2xMi-ixfZcFVgjl2TCs1oYYcAeG_pvukVonaFCRL0SRK8_7OLln3ekaFo_YDFm13pQbrHXQX_rtbs6TT7KTRDtyTsleJMlxnpZjyiMNW_DjUJJOXR8l1RzJ2zyQykVG5IobOyqnONkud4Ix23MdLkrKvz-skptYeXFaAqZj_iMXFjswOCpONBOk_XPYM_MrxvQxZEKmk&a=68916&b=64898&be=64830&c=64797&d=64164&e=50774&ea=50797&eb=50740&f=50724&r=6&g=1&i=1751000104282&t=1751000259456&o=1&q=1&h=188&w=732&sh=1080&sw=1920)
Is Nicole a trained teacher? She has a baby and another on the way. How can she possibly teach 6 kids with with a newborn and a toddler to care for as well. All those kids will be needing completely different curriculums due to the age range. I hope I am wrong but I don’t believe she will be able to do it unless she is just supervising online classes.
Do they even have suitable space for 6 kids to be learning?
Doesn’t mean ex can’t see them or have them over during the week, plus when they do come over, he and new wife can be sure it isn’t while they’re in the middle of any lessons. It will also take away the daily jealousy her kids have seeing them come home from school every day with things they made, school stories, etc. because they’d be able to leave it all at yours before going over. If this is such a pressing concern for them, this would also be a logical solution.
Obviously no parent wants to give up legal custody of their child, but in the same respect, they also should want what’s best for their kids stability and happiness. It would probably help the kids relationship with each other as well because their time together can be strictly fun and bonding focused.
Unsure if this would be some kind of compromise… That way ex doesn’t lose legal custody and his home life is more peaceful (which ~bonus~ will give him more time to cheat)
Hold firm! Your lawyer is correct in that this will not go their way if he is stubborn enough to actually take you to court over it; it would disrupt their long-established educational program, and your kids are not in favor. If he does take you to court, I’d ask for an order preventing this topic from reoccurring (with you and your kids, no guilting them into it) *and* preventing Nicole from trying anyway.
Very, very few things are more important than their education. Don’t compromise it, especially for a stepmother who doesn’t have a say in this anyway, whether she likes it or not.
So, her kids are bothering her to send them to public school? Boo freakin’ hoo! That’s not your problem, and if I were you, I wouldn’t let her homeschool my kids. While there are many examples of homeschooling done right, there are also examples of homeschooling gone wrong. I wouldn’t take the chance. They are not her kids, and she might not be all that invested in actually educating your kids.
“unfair” is absolutely no reason to change what your children are used to.
That being her only argument — that it’s “unfair” — even betrays her as having a stance where SHE thinks the homeschooling is worse and wants your children to also have the same worse experience.
(I love homeschooling and think it’s great, it’s just truly extraordinary that this woman’s only argument is “unfair”, implying wholesale that she intends to REDUCE the quality of your own children’s upbringing)
Tell them they’ve disrupted your family life by cheating and stealing your husband. She doesn’t get to steal your children too. She’s lucky you’ve been very decent so far. I would talk to my lawyer again about them pressuring you and your kids about this. It’s not you who’s making a big deal about this. It’s them.
These are literal children, not just numbers.
Which part of your schooling didn’t teach empathy, public or homeschooling?
None of what you said, proved anything except you being scarily apathetic.
You sound like you work for the NRA.
This new woman is controlling and mad she can’t control your kids. Your kids do not want to be homeschooling and ypu have already told them they will not be homeschooling. Keep telling them no and make preparations to get some custody of the kids.
I think she also wants to do it because it would be easier for her since she has so many kids. However, it’s selfish of her imo. Your kids deserve the right to a normal education, and friends.
And also, between your two children, her already having four, and them having one together and expecting another, that’s eight children. That’s wild. I wouldn’t know how to take care of eight children, let alone homeschool them all.
I’d personally tell them both to their face to drop it. It’s never happening and forget about it.
Wouldn’t want my kids being taught about life by someone who thinks it was okay to screw another woman’s husband and aid in the destruction of his children’s family and home life.
If her kids are jealous why don’t they try public school? Why do you and your kids have to bend to their new structure? A structure that her kids don’t actually like.
You may need to take this to court since they do not want to accept your very reasonable NO.