To avoid deportation, the boyfriend proposed that he and the OP enter into a marriage of convenience to help him secure legal status. This proposal requires the OP to manage significant legal changes, including changing her name on all official documents, while she is still a student living at home. When the OP refused this plan, the boyfriend argued that because she is his girlfriend, she has an obligation to agree, leaving the OP conflicted about his demands and her commitment to the relationship.
I 20F have been dating my boyfriend 22M for 6 months now. Recently, it has been brought to the government’s attention that he is not a citizen of the country we reside in. Currently, he is at risk for deportation back to his home country.
He suggested the idea that we should get married so he can increase his chances of staying in this country. He insists that we get a marriage license in which I do not have to inform my parents about and just follow through with it for the time it could take to approve his status (this could take months to years to complete and this requires me to change my last name for every legal document, ie.
driver’s license, financial aid, banking, etc.). I continuously tell him that I am not interested in following through with his idea. He insists that because I am his girlfriend, I am obligated to do this for him.
Even though I tell him no, he keeps insisting.
Conclusion
The OP is currently in a difficult position where her boyfriend is pressuring her to make a life-altering legal commitment under duress due to his immigration status. Her refusal stems from practical concerns about her education and living situation, as well as the seriousness of marriage itself, while the boyfriend views her refusal as a failure of commitment to their relationship.
The core debate is whether a romantic commitment implies an obligation to undertake significant legal risk and life changes for a partner facing a crisis, or if the OP is fully within her rights to set firm boundaries regarding marriage. Readers must consider where the line between support and undue pressure lies in a six-month relationship.
Here’s how people reacted:
Also, obviously you don’t want too much attention on your personal life, but without us knowing the country you live in, it’s practically impossible to give you a good advice, as we’ve no idea how the government works where you are. But I should try nonetheless.
In most countries nowadays, marrying politically means that your surname doesn’t change automatically. As far as I know, you can also request your name not being changed in the first place, for the extra safety. My Wife *wanted* to receive my name, and was disappointed when she was told that she has to change it herself on a later date if she chose to. I never really wanted her to change it (although I guess I don’t mind either way) so it was kinda funny in my opinion. XD But I digress.
Apart from that, you may be able to sign a “living together” contract. I don’t remember its exact designation, but basically it’s a paper that has the same value as a marriage certificate, with some pros and cons compared to an actual marriage contract. For example, it’s much easier to get out of it and there’s no need for the whole divorce process, but also there are some things offered to married people, usually loans from banks or whatever, that you cannot receive with just the “living together” paper. Look this up and see if it helps!
And thirdly, usually being married won’t change much when someone is about to be shipped back to their own country. For instance, if you are talking about the UK, being married means nothing. HOWEVER, being married means that you can start his visa application and, as far as I know, if you use that paper I mentioned earlier, it should have the same power.
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All that said, however, I have to mention that, if his words were actually “it’s what girlfriends must do” or some shit like that, then RUN like hell. This isn’t a person you want to be in a relationship to, much less *married*. If he is muslim, his whole dogma is circled around sex, and how much a wife is required to offer it while conveniently cutting you off from everyone else to be unable to cry for help.
But why would you have to change your name? My cousin married her longtime boyfriend for similar reasons (they were together for at least five years at that point and end 20s). She had no issue to keep her name, we are in Germany though, so the rules may be different. They married nearly 10 years ago and now have two daughters, so for them it worked.
I would not marry after 6 months in any case, I just don’t think you know the other person well enough at that point and I would want to live with them for some time before marriage to check compatibility.
He doesn’t doesn’t need an explanation because he already knows it’s inappropriate, but he doesn’t care. I would text him and say you think insisting you marry him was inappropriate and you don’t want to see him anymore and then block him and don’t look back.
Good Luck
Obviously don’t marry him and infact break up with him for insisting. Also if you’re still living with family youre not in the position to .carry and be indépendance with someone you met 6 months ago presumably?
If he loved you he wouldn’t demand you engage in deceit like this.
Please end things for your own safety.
“I’m not your girlfriend anymore.”
Problem solved.
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Get away from him fast
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He may do something horrible to trick you into marriage