There absolutely is a choice. At first. But how many of us make that choice, and *don’t* get addicted? Once you *are* addicted though, it’s much less a choice, and much more being a slave to your demon. (I’m really talking more about the hard stuff here, alcohol, opiates, meth.)

People don’t *want* to tweak through Walmart. They don’t *want* to lose their families. They don’t *want* to be looked at as subhuman. But when it’s a choice between using, and feeling like you’re literally going to die, you use. Unfortunately. That demon *tells* you that you can’t cope without it. That you you can’t live without it. And it can be too terrifying to think about trying to give that up, and lose your crutch, to even want to try.

Being dopesick is the most horrible feeling in the world. Even if you get through that, you have to learn to cope with whatever emotional triggers you might have, without any help at all. And then you still have mental cravings, long after the physical. Addiction is one of the hardest things in the world to overcome. It’s why most addicts have to try multiple times. And why some never try at all.

Also, addiction physically changes the brain. Forever. It *is* an illness. Not a disease, exactly, in my opinion. Not like a cold or the flu. But an illness, like schizophrenia or clinical depression. Just like those, there *are* genetic and hereditary components to addiction. And just like those, it is a lifelong illness.

I speak from experience here, btw.

So yes, there *is* a choice. But it’s not the same kind of choice as, say, choosing to give up dessert every night. Once someone is addicted, it’s not as simple as “well she chose to put that needle in her arm”. In that moment, when someone *needs* a fix, it’s *not* a choice. Choosing to get clean means choosing to change your *whole life*. And that is extremely daunting. For anyone.

I guess we’re pretty much saying the same thing. I guess I just wish people wouldn’t look so down on addicts. It just bothers me, because the person looking down on, say, an alcoholic, probably has a drink every now and then. But they didn’t get hooked? So why do they think the alcoholic is a bad person just because *they* became addicted? Especially considering most of those naysayers have never been addicted themselves. So they have *no idea* how hard it is to make the choice to get better, and to overcome it.

Addicts don’t need condescension and rejection. Addicts need love and support. Granted, they have to *want* to get better, for themselves, or they never will. But they need to feel love and support from without, in order to learn to feel it from within. They need to feel they’re worth something, or they’ll never feel that getting better is worth the choice.

I’d absolutely expect people to talk less to you going forward. You’re an intern who went to HR. Sounds like you didn’t talk to person who’s sent screenshot, the person inappropriately dressed, or your manager about the situation.

Going to HR is pulling the trigger – they have to act to protect the company. They aren’t your friend, confidants, or anything else. They are the executioners.

My guess is when they asked some basic questions Mark (an intern) isn’t worth the liability, so they terminated him.

I’m sure making sexual comments about coworkers is against company policy. Zoe’s outfit, I am sure, is as well, and she was rightfully counseled.

IMO you’re legally right but an asshole. Zoe was in the wrong, Mark commented on it, and you sent his private message to HR. You likely cost the company 20+ hours of work (this likely went to C level or very senior leadership) dealing with a screenshot of what everyone saw on the video call. Downside is now everyone knows you will rat them out behind their back. So don’t expect fun and joking, common venting/bonding about the job or managers, or to be included in normal intern/employee goofing off activities.

You’re young, next time talk to your manager before beelining to HR. In fact, if you want to work and be successful in a corporate job, stay out of the HR office altogether.

YTA Controversial opinion and I’m not going to sugar coat it. I wouldn’t have snitched on a work colleague,.you have now lost the trust of the rest of your team and screwed someone over in the process, even if he was a bit of a prick.

There was another way to handle it.

You could have sent a private message to the girl saying you could see her tits, and confronted mark over his inappropriate comment. Hell even a casual chat with your line manager about it would have been better than going straight to HR cause as soon as that was on record he was on the chopping block. While it’s all fine and dandy to be a knight in shining armour there is a chain of command and you jumped the process.

I personally would have just called it out in the zoom meeting, but I wouldn’t recommend that, and if I had a problem with someone I would tell them to their face.

NTA.

But I’ll nuance this a bit.

First of all, it’s not your fault Mark got fired. That’s on his actions.Under any circumstance, do not think you got him fired.

But at the end of the day, protecting someone’s rights isn’t your responsibility. You’re there to work, and grow. Even though the ones who’re giving you a different vibe are probably sticking up for the wrong side, you need them for your career growth. This may seem cold hearted, but it’s how it is.

I would probably have just dm’ed Zoe and hinted that she should change the lighting when I saw what was up. And I would’ve ignored the message. Ignored as in seen. No reply, no following unrelated message.

NTA. This is an internship, not a full-time job. You have just learned an important life lesson: Actions have consequences. Had this occurred at a job, you would have handled it the same way.

Never speak of this again. Let it go. Future interviewers will ask about your internship and what you learned. Say nothing about this. It is in the past, so let it go. Being a whistle blower is not something one discusses. This is part of the politics of the workplace. Integrity matters, but keep quiet about it.

NTA, but snitches get stitches. Your actions, though morally correct, have ramifications. Your coworkers and even boss now see you as dangerous to be anything but supremely professional with, so that will limit your engagement, and ultimately, your progress at that company. No biggie – youre an intern. The next place you work, you won’t have that stigma attached to you. Sucks, but humans are wired for self-preservation, and you just went on the “”be careful around him list.

Hahaha. I love how you women gather in your pathetic #me-too circles. The op admitted the women saw her breast hanging out clear as day. In true woman enjoying other women looking bad fashion none of them said anything. But a dumbest 19 year old kid who is I admit a dumb ass makes a mistake and all of you cry foul. Your a loser like the op. A victim of your own moral stupidity.

The workplace can be extremely difficult to navigate. It’s almost a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation in many cases. While Zoe said she wished someone had said something about her attire another individual might have taken your heads up about her see-through attire far differently, and reported you to HR for it.

>Aaron who was also mentoring me, started talking to me a bit less.

>next one-on-one meeting with Aaron was shorter,

This is something to address – because it can feel like retaliation. In fact if he was your mentor and is withholding mentoring immediately after you CORRECTLY reported this … it absolutely IS retaliation.

Did your manager seriously say that you got Mark fired? Because no, Mark got Mark fired by making inappropriate comments. Dude would have saved himself a lot of grief by keeping his inside thoughts inside.

But also why did literally no one in the meeting inform Zoe that you all could see through her shirt???

I explicitly stated what I’m *not* saying. But of course you’re free to say “nah uh” and stomp around while telling me what I mean.

Oh how ironic. Much like a boss not listening to the people they’re “protecting”.

“I help women while infantilizing them, quick pat me on the back for my virtue” 😌

You were not wrong to report, BUT in almost every situation I have observed the person who identifies any problem is not appreciated. You will be viewed as a troublemaker by managment and distrusted by most colleagues. You did the right thing, but don’t expect to be rewarded for it.

NTA I respect your sensitivity to comments that should not be made! Would Mark have learned not to do this otherwise? Probably not. Is this the DEI stuff that is being eliminated? Maybe. He can find a job where women are objectified routinely elsewhere.

Not surprised that your coworkers stopped talking to you, you’re going to be branded a rat for the rest of the term of your employment with those coworkers.

Either get used to being the black sheep, wait for your coworkers to quit or find a new job.

You’re still getting along with the team, just not with the two jerks who were making fun of a woman behind her back. Would you prefer to be in the frat boy club and a contributor to Zoe’s humiliation or someone who stood up for her?

He wasn’t wrong though. Even the managers saw it and thought it to be inappropriate. He was just wrong in how he went about it. Should’ve just went to HR but trusted you to be cool which you’re obviously not lol.

Mark upset the apple cart, not you. However, if it were me, I would have responded, “don’t send me this shit” and left it at that. Now nobody wants to say anything accidentally that might get them fired. NTA

You broke the bro code by going by reporting Mark to HR over some petty pictures . You are officially the office SNITCH. You should have left it alone or spoke to Mark privately.

NTA, you did what you should have done. It was Mark’s decision to send the message with screenshots of your coworker and he likely fucked during the HR interview.

Snitch!

Why did you report him for such a minor thing? No everyone you work with will remember you as the a hole who got a guy fired.

everyone saying you should have talked to him first are wrong. its not your job to police other peoples actions its HRs and your boss.

Nobody else will ever trust you. Not that you did anything wrong of course, it’s just human nature not to trust anyone who snitches.

NTA. Not only was Mark an asshole, his behavior also could have jeopardized your job. You did the right thing.

It was disrespectful and such a high school thing to do…he’s responsible for his own actions… move on

Your a snitch lol Jesus Christ.. you could’ve told him he was wrong but you went directly to HR

Jesus you ratted him out? WTF. You will never make any friends at that workplace again.

NTA. Sounds like Mark should be blaming his parents for not teaching him better values.

Stick to corporate life. That shit will get you some lumps in the blue collar world

Wow you are such a rat. Yah what he did isn’t cool but you’re still a rat.

Anything outside of your owned home should be like you are camera facing.

You should have privately messaged Zoe when you first noticed

You did nothing wrong.
Mark did.
And met the consequences.

Theres nothing worse than an HR snitch.

You’re a damn snitch and a punk