YTA – not for not stopping him, but because you didn’t tell him up front that you’d divorce him for doing so, and that alone is either directly asshole behavior or indicative of prior asshole behavior.

I submit to you that if distrust was your grounds for divorce that the distrust existed before he took action, that his expression of desire to have one done already demonstrated the same distrust, so why wait to announce divorce until afterward? I can only think of a few reasons, none of which paints you in a good light.

The most charitable reason is that you were already wanting a divorce, and either used the action as a rationalization for yourself, to him, or the rest of the world to justify your actions, rather than try and work on your marriage and alleviate the trust issues. His actions and the results of the test should not matter if this is the case, and your self defined predicate here point to either insecurity on your part, or worse vindictively setting a trap to maximize his pain and try and throw all the blame on him.

The most uncharitable reason is that you did indeed engage in infidelity. The way you acted is almost certainly how someone who had cheated and thus was unsure about paternity would act out of self interest. A cheater who wasn’t sure would not instigate divorce based on the distrust being expressed. In a divorce proceeding you wouldn’t be able to stop the test, and if it came back showing that the child wasn’t your ex-husbands, it makes you look bad and could put child support in jeopardy (in some states even if the child was not biologically his, he’d still be on the hook having accepted the responsibility previously). By doing what you did, a cheater hedges their bets. If the paternity test comes back showing he’s not the biological father, you can then plead to work on your marriage, ask for forgiveness and not be forced into single motherhood with no financial support from the father. If it comes back showing that the child is biologically his, then you can divorce assured that you get child support, with the bonus option of throwing it in his face if you want to get bonus points toward being asshole of the year.

>”acting like a bratty child and ruining our lives”.

He’s giving you the benefit of doubt and this is the most charitable way to describe your actions. It likely won’t be long before he realizes the most uncharitable possibility and realizes he was likely right in his distrust and that you are such a low creature to have played such a nasty game.

>I took my son and left and we are currently staying in a hotel and I’m going to get divorced.

Yep rip his child away from him as some sort of pawn. Assholes do this sort of thing, adults put the children first and would seek to separate in such a manner as to minimize the impact on their children, like arranging it so the child wasn’t ripped out of their home to go live in a hotel. The more I think about this, the more despicable horror of a human being you appear to be, the silver lining is that you’ve mostly freed your ex-husband from having to deal with most of your childish or abhorrent bullshit.

I believe in trust but that is also an extreme reaction. He had fear in him that you weren’t the woman you said you were. People who have been cheated on or even know someone who has been cheated on, will have doubts come up. It sounds like you might be jumping the gun and not looking at his insecurities. Instead you decide to leave him which is a power move, I think you need to look at the damage you are doing to yourself, him and your son. Also, you were hurt by it but you just said go ahead and get the test. What is divorcing going to accomplish? Teach him to trust you? Teach your son to not entrust you when he is old enough to understand what happened? Or will he resent you for it and hold it against you? You need to reevaluate why you are actually doing that IMO. Good luck

YTA. You say because he wanted a test, he is accusing you of cheating. If you asked your husband for a STD test, and then found out he’s clean, but then he broke up with you, would you be fine with it? You did the same, except you are also using your child as a weapon on top of it. Disgusting is the only word I have for your behavior. Exceptionally immature, and you should have never gotten a child, or into a relationship if you act like this.

You have the right to be offended over his request, but what you did goes way beyond that. This is just your ego. You also played along, then rugpulled him. Either we are missing information here, or you are really just that narcissistic.

Your overreacting just a bit, immediate divorce is pretty drastic, while definitely not common, it’s possible to get pregnant through other ways aside from infidelity. As a man, if my child looked nothing like me, I would have my suspicions that something happened too. But I also wouldn’t immediately think cheating.

You have a right to be angry about this, but if you care about this person then you’ve gotta try to figure it out.

What’s wrong with everybody here? YTA. Everyone here has read stories or seen videos where the father wasn’t actually the father after all those years of raising the kid. If OP wasn’t worried about the results, then a test wouldn’t have been a big deal and she shouldn’t have been so hurt by the question. If anything, putting her partners mind at ease should have made her happy. 3veryone lies, so why is OP any different.

Im sorry but you and the women commenting are completely delusional. 

You and other women will never, ever, be able to even remotly relate to what this test means to a man. You live in a different world then men because you carry the baby and have readily available sex at your fingertips at all times.  

YTA 100%. 

This test should be mandatory at birth for the fathers safety. 

People who start to randomly accuse their partner of cheating are usually because they are cheating themselves.

Could you not have kicked him out to the hotel instead though? I hope your child never learns of their fathers doubts about paternity. That’s crushing to a child, please don’t tell them this, if they have to know later, let him say it.

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

He did the test because he believed the child wasn’t his, therefore accusing you (directly or indirectly) of infidelity and deceit, some people take that seriously.

He played with the emotions of what should be his most trusted partner and he lost.

No, you are NTA for not stopping your husband from getting the test.

Ending a marriage over it, however might be a broken oath (taken before friends & family). Yes, he’s an asshole for asking to get one done, but you’ve overreacted by getting a divorce.

What ever happened to marriage counselling?

It’s a man’s greatest nightmare to raise a child he thinks is his, but isn’t… He has great comfort in knowing this. Now it’s time to punish him for the truth?
Y’all had vows. What about them? It’s reasonable to be butthurt about this, but to raise the child without his father?

You women need to stop being so butthurt over DNA tests. You know the baby is yours because you carried it. Men don’t have that certainty. You’re too damn sensitive. He should have just done it behind your back.

NTA he accused you of cheating on him. This is what wanting the test means: he thinks you cheated on him, got pregnant, and proceeded to lie to him for years so he would raise another man’s child.

It’s perfectly logical to request a paternity test, especially if the kid doesn’t even look like you. Going off the deep end and divorcing him over this, you’re a fucking asshole for real.

Must have been a pretty weak marriage to let something like that ruin it. At least the kid will have a split household like eveyone else so they’ll fit right in.

Your marriage was over the moment he asked for the test. Will he never acknowledge or understand that? Probably not. Are you the asshole? Absolutely not.

What is this over reaction, so many details are missing. Why would anyone ask for a paternity test. There is more to it or chat gpt didn’t work properly.

NTA

Wow, he really thinks blaming you and begging/manipulating more will fix this lol. A relationship without trust and humility isn’t worth “fixing.”

> I told him he can have the test. Who am I to stop him from it?

> currently staying in a hotel and I’m going to get divorced.

Won’t be surprised if he had some people around who claimed this’d be a good idea. Maybe he should ask them for advice again.

If you had stopped him or told him that you would divorce him he would have accused you of cheating. Same end result. NTA

NTA BUT i also think Paternity tests should be mandatory before birth certificates get signed in the first place tho.

Extremely petty. Your child should grow up with a dad. You both need to grow up for the sake of your child.

NTA you were put into an impossible position. He is unwell and it will get worse. So wise to lave now.

If it was me, I would do the test on the sly. No need for her to know. He caused his own problem.

You’re absolutely right in divorcing the douchebag. You are 💯in the right. Shows self respect.

I LOVE seeing women stand up for themselves and not go back to bullshit 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

NTA Stand by your conviction. I was very proud while reading this, good for you.

You’re an absolute asshole for sure. This is garbage behavior.

Y’all should’ve went on Maury, damn, missed opportunity.

Babies have been known to be switched at hospitals.

I understand getting mad for that but not divorce.

NTA. I’d have done the same as you.

How insulting. I don’t blame you

YTA

Feel bad for your children