However, during the reception, the OP’s brother, Tom, along with some cousins, arrived with 20 large pizzas, announcing they were providing “Real food” because the guests supposedly couldn’t survive on “just vegetables.” This action publicly undermined the planned meal and embarrassed the OP. Following this disruption, the OP’s husband asked Tom and the cousins to leave, leading to family backlash claiming the couple ruined their own wedding by not warning guests about the menu. The OP is now questioning whether she was wrong for not announcing the menu was vegan and for reacting strongly to the pizza intrusion.
I (28F) just had my wedding last weekend. My husband (30M) and I have been vegan for 3 years, and we decided to have an all-vegan reception dinner. We spent months working with an amazing chef to create a gourmet 5-course meal that just happened to be vegan – think mushroom wellington, truffle risotto, roasted vegetable tarts, etc.
We spent nearly $15,000 on the food alone.
We deliberately didn’t mention the food was vegan on the invitations because we wanted people to enjoy it without prejudice. Every dish was designed to be delicious and satisfying, regardless of dietary preference.
The ceremony was beautiful, but during the reception, I noticed my brother Tom (32M) wasn’t at his table. Twenty minutes later, I watched in horror as he and my cousins walked in carrying 20 large pizzas.
They started distributing them to guests, announcing “Real food for anyone who wants it!”
I was mortified. The caterers looked so embarrassed, and several guests hadn’t even tried our carefully planned menu yet. When I confronted Tom, he said my aunt had texted him that “all the food is just vegetables” and they “couldn’t let people go hungry at a wedding.”
The pizza completely upstaged our expensive gourmet meal. People were taking photos and treating it like a joke. My mother-in-law posted on Facebook about how her son’s wedding was “saved by pizza” because the bride tried to “force everyone to eat rabbit food.”
I ended up crying in the bathroom, and my husband asked Tom and the cousins to leave. This caused a scene, and now half the family is calling us stuck-up and saying we ruined our own wedding by “pushing our beliefs” on everyone.
They’re saying we should have warned people about the vegan menu.
Conclusion
The core conflict centers on the OP’s attempt to host an event true to their lifestyle versus the perceived obligation to cater to family expectations regarding traditional wedding food norms. While the OP invested significantly in a high-quality, inclusive menu, her brother’s intervention, based on secondhand negative assumptions about vegan food, created a public scene that overshadowed the intended celebration.
The debate rests on where the responsibility for dietary transparency lies in a private event, and whether a guest has the right to publicly derail planned catering based on their own or others’ preconceived notions. Should the couple have explicitly labeled the menu as vegan beforehand, or did the brother’s disruptive behavior warrant the strong reaction?
Here’s how people reacted:
You not telling them meant they have no choice in anything. People could have declined to eat or even said no to attending the wedding because you were not going to cater to people who eat differently than you. This makes YTA.
It does not matter if the food on the menu was top of the line, most people do not like mushrooms! Having most of the food include a ingredients that are controversial when it comes to preferences isn’t a good idea. What were you going to do if none of your guest ate your food and they did NOT order the pizza? That 15,000 you spent goes to waste and if none of them did order pizza then people would have gone hungry.
Yes they were AH’s for ordering the pizza. But if the pizza was eaten over your five star vegan food then it should tell you that there is a problem. If it was able to upstage what you had then it’s not an issue of what was being served rather a fact that people were not going to eat it.
It’s not the fact that it is vegan food that is the problem, it’s an issue because you didn’t tell anyone. I want you to think about this question: were you serving food YOU would like or were you thinking about your guests. If you knew most people wouldn’t like the food then were you actually thinking about the people attending.
If you have people mad at you for not warning anyone then there is a problem.
Food that I’ve been served at weddings as a vegan of 10+ years, including weddings of close family members and when I was in the wedding party:
– Nothing (multiple)
– Allowed to bring my own to two weddings with advanced permission from the couple
– A whole portobello mushroom lol
– Unseasoned rice and zucchini that was cooked to death with no oil/salt
– A lovely sliver of cauliflower steak amounting to max 200 calories
Have I once made a comment or complained to the couple? Of course not—I’m not a toddler. Have I disrupted their receptions by bringing my own food without consulting them? Or course not.
People are overly fixated on the mushroom thing. OP said 5 courses. Plus dessert. If they’re working with a non-vegan caterer, which they almost certainly are, the menus they propose will be like this btw—plant forward, nothing scary like tofu or beans.
I would also like to add that as an ethical vegan, someone bringing non-vegan food into my wedding, especially in the disrespectful way it was done, would be deeply upsetting to me. It’s not a simple matter of food. Animal products cause needless death and suffering full stop.
If you can’t respect the beliefs of the couple on their wedding day, you don’t support them and you don’t deserve to be there.
We suck it up and pretend like there isn’t the carcass of a sentient being on the dinner table at every family function. People can deal with eating the crust of a freaking handmade galette.
You give people a CHOICE of dish at a reception or you have a buffet style with OPTIONS! You knew damn well you were trying to trick people into eating vegan and then using it to say “see, you ate vegan just fine at my wedding so you have no excuse to keep eating meat!”
It was classless to order pizza and have it delivered, but they clearly realized you weren’t logical or responsible enough to handle being told the food choice was bad and to manage getting other options in for your guests.
YOU ruined your reception and you embarrassed the caterers. You spent 15k on food you thought you could trick people into eating- it was a waste of money and a crappy thing to do to people who traveled to support you in your wedding.
If so, ESH. You seem to understand that no one would have eaten the food willingly had you told them which is why you’d hope to kinda force it down their throats. I don’t think that’s cool. These are your guests and it’s a little patronizing to force your diet on them without notice even if it’s your wedding.
At the same time, all this *should* warrant is a hearty eye roll, a few snarky comments and a visit to McDonald’s after the reception. You don’t bring pizza to someone else’s wedding unless they have literally run out of food. It was done out of spite which also sucks.
Commonly, courteous people have multiple meal choices for their guests. I have to tell you, I laughed a little when i read this. It’s happened at a friend’s wedding, but most of us ended up eating the pizza/alcohol in a hotel room. Not many of us had the balls to do it at the reception.The bride was pissed that the hotel became the real party, too, lol she was told the same…. But hey, it’s your wedding, just don’t expect people not to make alternative plans when you don’t… you are not asshole just a bad host.
A good guest sits down, enjoy – or at lesst eat, what is served and compliments the host.
I’m sure, as a non vegan, that your meal was perfect anf I would have enjoyed your wedding.
If not, I could allways grap something on the way home.
Best wishes on your marriage
I’m sorry for you this experience is not pleasant, but as they say “there is no death of man”
You have some weird relatives
This being said, the ‘Pizza Gang’ certainly Are AHs for doing this at your wedding.
This seems unlikely. I’m allergic to mushrooms.
\- bruh.