The user responded by arming himself and threatening lethal force against the intruders who were kicking his back door, successfully scaring them away. Immediately following the event, his girlfriend became extremely upset, arguing that threatening to shoot someone is never justified, regardless of the circumstances. The user is now facing a significant rift in his relationship because of his perceived willingness to use violence for self-defense, leaving him questioning if he was wrong to defend his vulnerable mother and home.
I (27M) and my girlfriend (26F) have been together for two years. I’m a black man raised in the inner city, she’s a white girl from the suburbs. We grew up different, and normally that’s okay but last week someone tried to break into my house and it started causing problems.
I’m taking care of my mother now that she’s getting up in age. She just had surgery on her legs and CAN NOT WALK. I need to stress this, she physically can’t support herself so I’m doing everything for her.
Her bedroom is in the back of the house right next to the back door that leads to the porch. At 2AM last Wednesday my mom calls me scared saying someone’s trying to break into the house and she can hear them banging on the back door.
My Girlfriend was staying with me in my bedroom when I got the call. I jumped up, grabbed my gun and ran to the back and started yelling for whoever was there to get away because they were still banging on the door when I got there.
Things got quiet so I checked the camera on the porch and I saw them standing there. It was three people and one of them said keep going, it doesn’t matter. So I used the speaker on my camera to say I have a weapon, it’s loaded, and if you kick that door one more time I WILL shoot.
My Girlfriend is behind me at that point screaming not to shoot them and it isn’t worth it. The three people on the porch don’t move so I put my phone down, cock my weapon and say I’m going to count to three.
And if you aren’t gone by the time I get to three, I’m firing. As soon as I counted one they ran away. And my girlfriend was screaming at me that there’s never a reason to threaten to shoot someone.
Ever.
I told her we are not having this conversation right now and we need to call the police. Yes I should have done oh earlier but I was too worried about my mother to think about it. The police get called, they come out and see shoe prints on my fence and on the back door from where they were kicking and start patrolling the area but don’t find them.
When the police leave my girlfriend starts yelling at me and saying she can’t believe I’d be willing to shoot someone because they kicked my door. I said it isn’t about the house, it’s the fact that my mother is laying in bed helpless just a few feet from that door and they could have done anything.
Stole things, killed her, raped her, a combination. I have no idea and I wasn’t taking any chances.
She says there is never a reason to hurt or kill someone, ever. Because violence isn’t the answer. It just makes you like the person you’re hurting. I told her the only reason she thinks violence isn’t the answer is because she’s never had someone try to physically harm her before.
And I’m not going to apologize for what I did because I had every right to defend myself, my home, my mother, and her. She’s been angry at me ever since and will barely even speak to me.
I’m trying to consider her perspective, I really am, but I’m not going to give up my ability to defend myself because she doesn’t believe violence will ever be necessary. AITAH?
Conclusion
The user is caught between his deeply held belief that protecting his defenseless mother from potential violence or harm requires the ability to use necessary force, and his girlfriend’s absolute moral stance against threatening lethal violence under any circumstances. This conflict highlights a fundamental difference in how they perceive safety, threat assessment, and personal responsibility for defense, especially given their differing life experiences.
The central question remains whether the user was justified in using the threat of lethal force to protect his home and, crucially, his immobilized mother during a break-in attempt, or if his girlfriend is correct that such a threat crosses an absolute moral line. Readers must decide where the balance lies between the right to defense and the principle of non-violence.
Here’s how people reacted:
I mean if those guys got in killed you raped your mrs killed your mum then went on to kill and murder more people because she didn’t let you stop them? How would she feel just give her that hard truth.
I personally would have called the Police ASAP.
But my context might be different, because virtually NO BODY has weapons, and the police is at my flat in 3-4 min max.
So i just close the bedroom door or go with my girlfriend to the mother in this scenario and wait
NTA for defending your home, just make sure you know which state you’re in.
Breaking into an occupied house is a sign they were very willing to be violent.
She could have called the police instead of screaming.
Is violence still not the answer?
If she says she wouldn’t shoot, it may be time to find a new girlfriend.
Don’t even bother considering that perspective because it’ll just make your brain hurt, make you dumber, and she will never come around. Best bet is to send her down the road and find someone more like-minded.
Violence is never the answer until it happens to you.
You need a new GF with better survival instincts.
Stop dating liberal white women
yeah.
NTA.
that’s all.