The conflict began when Scott insisted that OP immediately add his name to the deed of the house to establish “balance” in their relationship, even though OP earns more money. When OP refused to do this before the wedding, Scott escalated the situation by unilaterally bringing a real estate lawyer to the house to begin the legal process, leading OP to ask the lawyer to leave. This action caused a severe fight, resulting in Scott calling OP selfish and uncooperative before storming out and ignoring her calls. OP is now questioning if her reaction was wrong.
I (f) have been with my fiancé Scott for 5 years. I’ve lost my mom who was my remaining parent 7 months ago. She left me her house and I became the official owner 3 months ago. This is when Scott proposed to me and we got engaged although he wanted to wait before we got engaged but he said that me owning a house now made him feel like we were ready to be married.
Few days ago, he has suggested that I add his name onto the title of the house, and he has been persistent about it. He explained that this step was necessary to ensure “balance in our relationship and marriage” even though I never made him feel like he’s inferior or something.
Oh and I make more money than him by the way so I don’t get how adding his name onto the house title would change anything. But since he insisted and since we’ve been together for a long time and we’re engaged now, I decided to do it but only after we get married.
He disagreed and insisted we get it done before we get married.
After a lot of back n forth on this, I told him to drop it and wait til after marriage. Well, yesterday, I was surprised to see that he had brought a real estate lawyer to the house, and not only that, he said he has arranged for the legal process to start now.
I was completely shocked because I never agreed to hire a lawyer, let alone, bring him to the house. I immediately asked the lawyer to leave. He tried to speak but I told him he needed to leave.
Scott remained quiet til the lawyer left then he gave me a look and told me that what I did was selfish and disrespectful not to the lawyer, but to him and what we agreed on. I told him his pushing made re-consider the whole thing now and he looked shocked and hurt then stormed out.
We continued fighting over the phone and he didn’t stop talking about how stubborn and selfish I have been lately. He said he was trying his best to provide a stable living situation for us before we get married but I was being uncooperative.
After that he completely ignored my calls.
Conclusion
The core of the conflict lies in the differing views on trust, commitment, and financial partnership preceding marriage. OP feels her boundaries regarding the premarital transfer of a significant inherited asset were violated by Scott’s secretive and aggressive actions. Scott, conversely, views OP’s refusal and subsequent dismissal of his lawyer as a sign of disrespect and unwillingness to commit to their shared future.
The central question remains whether OP was wrong to immediately halt the legal proceedings and eject the lawyer after Scott bypassed their agreement. Readers must weigh the importance of OP protecting her inherited property against Scott’s assertion that his actions were necessary steps toward establishing marital stability and partnership.
Here’s how people reacted:
OP – you are still grieving and to lose him would be another major blow you obviously don’t want. To lose your mom and long term boyfriend (turned finance only after she died and you inherited her home) is so much heartache. We are not the ones grieving, which is why we can call it for what it is.
🚩 He only proposed after she died
🚩 Which only happened after you got the house
🚩 He didn’t want to get married but now does?
🚩 He immediately asks for partial ownership
🚩🚩🚩 He brings a lawyer to you AFTER you said no many times
🚩 He’s fighting with you about this
🚩 He’s made you go back and forth about this
Girl, he is not in love you. He loves the lifestyle you provide. Can he afford a home without you? I’m assuming no.
It’s time to let him go. Seriously, this is the stuff true crime stories are made of. Set up a will now, he gets absolutely nothing. Donate it to charity over him. Please leave him, picture Instagram’s red flag guy here. This relationship is no longer healthy, you are not safe.
Also, check his phone. Just a gut feeling here
Dump him NOW. He has no plan to marry you, that’s why he wants half ownership now.
Dump him NOW. He is SO slimy to bring a lawyer to YOUR house to pressure you into signing over half ownership of YOUR house your mom left to YOU.
Dump him NOW. It was sneaky to arrange for paperwork to be prepared, after you made it clear not before marriage. What other sneaky shit will he pull once his name is on the deed?? Sell off his half to pocket the cash??
HE BROUGHT AFUCKING LAWYER WITH PAPERS READY FOR YOU TO SIGN. UM COERCION MUCH??
DUMP. HIM. NOW.
He is 100% a fold digger
Waited until you got your inheritance before proposing.
Asked to be on the deeds before he’s even married you.
If he wants “to make sure you are financially stable” he needs to get a job that matches your payslip.
Ask him for a prenup that protects you both and watch him fluster, gaslight and try his hardest to convince you it’s “real love” and that you don’t need a prenup.
If you are so enthralled to the wretch you can’t, at least use your brains and get a prenup or partnership agreement. I’m having cynical thoughts that he’ll put off marriage if you put his name on the house. It will be one excuse or another, but once he has an assured roof over his head, making a legal commitment won’t be a priority with him.
Give the ring back and run. Actually, get it appraised first. The timing of his proposal screams “Quick! Get a cheap ring and score half a house in the impending break up!”.
If you doubt us tell him you’re never adding him to the property deed and see if he sticks. I’m betting he’ll be out and blaming you.
A: Brought it up so soon
B: Insisted it be done immediately.
He’s likely cheating already, or doing something he knows you’d dump him for, and is afraid of being found out so he wants a legal stake on the property.
He’s trying to take advantage of you. PLEASE listen and do not sign anything. If you truly want to try and work it out with him, have a long engagement. Honestly, though, I would break up with him. He’s attempting to manipulate you at this point.
But now I wouldn’t even trust him if he let it go and agreed to wait, it would just means he would playing the long game.
I wouldn’t trust him any longer.
Postpone the wedding. He’s showing you a part of him that is concerning. This needs to be hashed out before, not after.
NTA;he’s definitely trying to benefit himself, not the relationship.
How? How is he doing that?
Just dump him ffs
Kick him out and end the engagement. Also, change the locks.!