When the OP mentioned these special tapes to his current wife, Wendy, she displayed discomfort and jealousy regarding the memory of Cloé. The situation escalated when Wendy admitted to throwing away the entire box of irreplaceable video tapes, claiming it was to help the OP ‘move on.’ This action caused the OP intense anger and grief, leaving him scrambling to find digital backups for his daughter’s birthday gift. The OP is now unsure how to proceed with his marriage after this destructive act.
I am writing this because I don’t know what to do. I have a daughter with my late wife and her name is Eleanore. Her birthday is coming up in 2 weeks and she’s turning 18. Background, me and my late wife, Cloé has been dating since college.
We got older and ended up getting married, and after our wedding, she shared news to me that she was pregnant and I was excited that we were expecting our first child. Since it was our first child we bought a video camera and made little tapes and snippets of her whole pregnancy.
Wholesome things such as us just joking around or having lunch, or talking to our unborn child through the camera. We made a promise to only show Eleanore the tapes until her 18 birthday.
Fast forward 2 years after her birth, Cloé passed away due to a drunk driver crashing into her car as she was coming home from her mother’s house. I was devastated of her passing and having to raise our two year old daughter by my self.
My friends tried to get me to go out again and start back dating, but every time I did I felt like I was betraying her. Years later when Eleanore was 13, I met Wendy. We met at a gathering for my sister’s birthday and we instantly hit it off.
She didn’t mind that I had a daughter because she had two kids herself and just went through a divorce. Two years after we got married, now back to the present. Eleanore 18 birthday is coming up and I kept all the tapes for me to show her.
Mind you her mother died when she was just two, so Eleanore doesn’t remember her touch or her voice. I was excited to show her the tapes and a week ago I was talking to Wendy about it and I noticed her expression going from happy to looking a bit uncomfortable.
Wendy would always get uncomfortable when I talk about my late wife. I don’t say things like “why can’t you be like Cloé” or “Cloé was only supposed to be my first love” but I talk about her in a way to give my daughter a mental picture of how her mother was like.
Wendy has always talked to me about Cloé and how it made her sad that “She can never be like her”. Cloé was a model then started working on her fashion career, and don’t get me wrong she was a really beautiful woman, while Wendy had two kids in college and “not in the best shape” due to her words.
I love both woman how they are and I’ve never had a preference but I feel like Wendy is gaining some jealousy towards Cloé. I told her I love her just the way she was and she broke down crying.
The next day after that incident she came up to me and apologized for the way she acted last night. I told her it was okay and it good that she felt comfortable to share her feelings, and I gave her a tight hug and a kiss on her forehead.
She asked to see where the tapes were at and I showed her the box of video tapes of my late wife in my closet. Things were going fine until yesterday morning. I was looking for the tapes because I wanted to put them in a prettier box for my daughter and when I went to go find them, the box wasn’t in my closet.
I looked everywhere to the point I walked downstairs to see my wife laying on the couch watching tv. I asked her about the box and she told me she threw it away with a neutral expression.
My heart dropped and I asked her what did she mean, and she told me that I talk about her too much and that I need to move on with my life so she threw them away as a “head start”.
I was fuming with anger because not only she threw away what I had left of her, she threw away my daughter big surprise. We quickly got into an argument and she noticed how angry I was so she started apologizing.
It got to the point I started crying and locked myself in our bedroom. It’s the morning and I’m writing this in my office going through my computer finding old files or any type of video of my late wife to give it to my daughter because sometimes my daughter still cries that she never got to “meet” her mother and I really thought it would bring her closer to her.
I’ve been ignoring my wife for the past day and she’s been texting me nonstop about how sorry she is but I really just can’t look at her right now. It’s getting to the point our mutual friends are texting me to accept her apology and get over it since Cloé died over 10 years ago but I’m trying to ignore them all because they never had someone so close to them died.
I am working on finding these files but in the meantime, I’ll update you guys when something happens.
Conclusion
The OP is deeply distressed, facing the loss of irreplaceable memories of his first wife and the intended meaningful gift for his daughter, compounded by his current wife’s destructive action stemming from her insecurity. The core conflict lies between the OP’s need to honor his past and the late wife’s memory, and Wendy’s feeling of being overshadowed and unappreciated in her current role.
The central question is whether the OP can reconcile the marriage after such a profound breach of trust and destruction of shared history, or if Wendy’s deep-seated jealousy, which motivated this action, is too damaging to overcome. Should the OP prioritize rebuilding trust with Wendy or securing the emotional well-being and heritage of his daughter first?
Here’s how people reacted:
Your wife is a disgusting, evil, vile woman. she is jealous and bothered over your late wife. It’s disgusting that she could destroy precious memories that were meant for your daughter. Those videos are irreplaceable. This act of hers is definitely grounds for divorce, get rid of that woman!! How dare she throw those videos away, and act like she’s doing you a favor.
Keep us updated!!
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Then she got rid of them, knowing they were for intended for your daughter.
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This was premeditated, deceitful….
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Tell your daughter the truth. All of it. Your legal spouse can explain this to your daughter and apologize to her.
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If your relationship is strained, your daughter will notice. If you divorce, she should understand why. Don’t hide this from her.
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Your wife did something that hurt her, and she should know. Forwarned is forearmed. Your daughters trust in your wife *should* take this into account. It reveals much about her.
I don’t know that I would ever get over that. I certainly wouldn’t expect my daughter to. For me that is likely where that relationship ends.
You are definitely NTA.
And I don’t know how you could ever forgive her.
I don’t know how Wendy could EVER think that she had the right to throw the videos and live with her nasty, despicable self.
She’s trash!
No, you’re NTA.
What a Damn Asshole Move, she took the Last possible Chance for your Daughter to know her Mother…
But why didnt you digitalized the Videos???
This is a relationship ender.
She threw away the one shred of memories your daughter could have of her mother.
This is pure evil.
I am so sorry OP. Devastating.
Because fake