A significant rift formed as the fiancé became increasingly vocal in support of the MAGA movement, contrasting sharply with the OP’s liberal values and long-held beliefs regarding women’s rights. After weeks of intense, one-sided political discussion, the OP ended the 11-year relationship and asked him to move out, leading to the fiancé accusing the OP of ending things over ‘just politics.’ The OP now questions if they were wrong to end the engagement over these deeply divided core values.
My fiancé and I have been together since 2013 when we met in college. He struggled to get a well paying job and during his long bouts of unemployment must have been radicalized to blame everyone else I chalked it up to depression and tried to get him help with therapy.
I paid for him to return to school to become a nurse too but he still has not completed the pre request after 7 years!He currently works gig jobs while I am a nurse in California making close to 400k a year working a full time and a part time job.
I was hoping to save up enough to not have to work after having a baby since I one I cannot rely on him. We were planned to get married next year and wanted to try for a baby. He knows I am very liberal and all about women’s rights.
He never openly expressed support for MAGA itself until after Trump won and said Trump will help the economy and finally allow him to get a good job I told him that it was the easiest time to get a job in the past 20 years in 2021 yet he couldn’t.
I am not giving into sunken costs and staying and he didn’t know, but he did make offhand comments before on women losing their worth the older they get and I questioned him and he said it was a joke.
The past week has been miserable listening to him talk non stop on how great trump is and how he will turn everting great again. I had it and gave him notice to leave by the end of the month and we are through.
He said it’s unfair and told me it’s stupid to give up on us over just politics. The very fact he said that solidified the notion that he is so clueless and our values are too different.
He will likely have to move back into his parent’s home or be homeless since he makes less than 35k a year in the most expensive region in the USA. Am I the asshole for throwing away my relationship of 11 years over politics?
I wish politics was boring again.
Conclusion
The OP feels that the fiancé’s political shift and his dismissal of their concerns—such as joking about women losing their worth—revealed irreconcilable differences in fundamental values, not just surface-level political opinions. This realization overrides the significant emotional investment in the 11-year history of the relationship.
The central debate revolves around whether differing political ideologies, when they touch upon core beliefs about social equality and personal respect, justify the termination of a long engagement. Was the OP justified in prioritizing deeply held values over relationship duration, or was this an overreaction to a situation that could have been managed or overlooked?
Here’s how people reacted:
Just get back out there and find a true partner and being out in California I am sure you will find a mate sharing your political views which seems critical to you.
You wasted valuable years hoping he would figure something out. A new administration is not going to help him and neither can you.
The problem is SOME(not all) MAGA and red pill followers have one thing in common. They want to be told their failures are not their fault. Maybe you’d be better alone or with a man that will actually lighten your load.
I don’t think having a child and building a legacy with that man is what you want. Regardless of what your reason is, don’t take him back.
You aren’t obligated to stay with them, and sometimes people just move apart, or shouldn’t stay together because of time already spent.
NTA