As I said my daughter is 12, which means puberty. Her body is changing. Had to do the bra shopping and all of that.
Anyway, we keep our house really warm. She has a habit of walking around in just a tank top and underwear. Sometimes she just hangs around in a towel for hours after showering instead of getting dressed.
It’s not a huge deal but I suggested to her that she should really start using her robe if she doesn’t want to put something on. She asked why and I said it’s not entirely appropriate to walk around half-dressed in front of her father now that she’s a young woman.
I am very direct when speaking and I think her feelings may have been hurt. My husband ended up walking in on the conversation and asked why she was pouty. She told him and he just looked at me and rolled his eyes, but he didn’t say anything. I brought it up with him later and he was just like “can we talk about something else?” Clearly he didn’t want to have the conversation so I dropped it with him.
As for my daughter, she’s been fairly quiet today, which is unusual for her.
Was I wrong to say something to her about this?
Conclusion
Did this mom cross a line by addressing her daughter’s changing body and wardrobe choices? The silent treatment and a father’s dismissive response suggest there might be more to this family dynamic than meets the eye.
Here’s how people reacted:
There is nothing wrong with encouraging modesty out in public or when friends are over.
It is an asshole move, to make you kid feel like.. on top of all the changes happening with her body, she is now no longer allowed to just be herself and comfortable in the home.
Now she has to change how she dresses, figure out the changes with her body, mood swings and worry if her FATHER, of all people, is looking at her in a sexual nature.
Way to make your kid feel disgusting an uncomfortable in so many ways all at once.
You are sexualizing your daughter and making it sound like her father is a predator to be fearful of.
There was a way to go about this subject.. Your approach was nearly the worst way to do it.
You need to speak to her and tell her you didn’t mean to come off harshly, and that her body is nothing to be embarrassed of. She might be feeling super awkward right now
My stepdad of 15 years put a mirror under the door of our bathroom to watch me get out of the shower. My mom, to this day, says it is her fault because she should have told me to change that day prior.
Your husband should not be attracted to your daughter. Period. She should be allowed to be comfortable in the house when it’s just her and her family. But it shames her to tell her to cover up, or makes her wonder if her father looks at her like that.
That’s what I’m assuming the intent is here, in case of distraction from her father? But neither of you should even be worried about that. I’m hardly ever even comfortable in my own home now, because of that experience and because my mom told me the “reason why” – which I still call bullshit on.
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You could easily have said “You should get dressed because it isn’t appropriate to walk around with no pants on,” rather than “Your father is uncomfortable and might look at you when you walk around in a towel.”
Ofc she’s quiet. You just taught your daughter that the man who is raising her might think of her as a sexual object, regardless of how he actually does feel about his *child*. You didn’t ask for his input. He was clearly uncomfortable with you saying that about him.
Do you have any respect for him?
What a good lesson to teach your impressionable child in the most vulnerable time of her life! Men will only ever love her for her body, right? /s /s /s
I think it’s disgusting to think that she should cover up in front of her FATHER, as if you knew he would look at her in a certain way.
Maybe you need to look for other reasons, such as that it’s cold outside (just cool your house down a little, it saves money and she’ll get dressed earlier).
I would also be unusually quiet if my mom told me that I have the potential to be “looked at” by my father, nobody wants to hear that, because as I said, it’s disgusting to even think about that. I suggest you should stop sexualising your daughter and look for other reasons to make her get dressed, or just let her do it. She doesn’t hurt anyone and as long as she’s not freezing cold, everything seems fine.
Worse, you blamed her father which implies he would see her as a sexual being which forces her to view him in a different light,not as a father but just as another potentially dangerous man.
At the same time you managed to remove her trust and feeling of companionship in you, her own mother, while also cementing a victim blaming perspective that will surely not serve her well in the future. So all around terrible job.
Deal with your shit instead of pushing onto your daugther and husband.
You sound like one of those ladies who blames a child whose been sexually abused by telling them they “seduced” their abuser.
Here’s an idea, turn your damn thermostat down.
Don’t teach your daughter that she can’t be comfortable in her own home.
My mother did this to me and I lost my relationship with my dad because of it, it creeped me out even thinking there was a possibility of my own dad looking at me the wrong way.
It was all just my mothers insecurities though.
Also, if you had a son that walked around in his underwear while at home or after a shower would it make you uncomfortable? Would you be ok if your husband told him to cover up because it’s not appropriate to be around you like that?