AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend because I didn’t like his body?

You’ll never believe what happened when one woman realized her boyfriend wasn’t quite what she’d pictured. Was a quick snapshot enough to end a budding romance?

Ok. So I recently broke ties with my boyfriend of a couple months because I didn’t like his body type.

We were together for about three months, and on a whim (he was probably a little tipsy, honestly) he sent a naked photo of himself. If I’m being honest, I didn’t really like what I saw. I knew he was a overweight, but he was just a little too overweight for me to consider attractive.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect men to be in top-tape shape with six-packs and all that jazz (I actually prefer guys with a little meat on their bones. Better to cuddle with ^_^), but he was just out of that range I considered attractive.

He also had a wonderful personality, and we clicked very well together due to our similar senses of humour and interests. He liked a lot of WoW and manga, as well as DnD and MTG. We were both giant nerds, and I loved that part of him. I felt like I could truly say anything to him.

That being said, I’m not a perfect person, and I don’t expect my partners to be either, but I just didn’t like how he looked.

I thought about encouraging him to lose weight, and stayed with him to see if it played out right. I didn’t do that for a couple reasons. For one, I felt if I did, I’d be leading him on, and I would hate to do that to someone. It’s possibly one of the worst things you *can* do to someone.

And secondly, I felt I wouldn’t be able to “fake” attraction to him. I loved him as buddy and a wonderful friend, but I would not consider him a sexual partner, as he considered me.

So, am I the asshole?

(edit: for the record, I had seen what he looked like before, and I was ok with it. I had just not seen him without clothes before.)

Here’s how people reacted:

GloryRuss

NTA. If genders were reversed everyone would be saying NTA.

MBLBOSS

NTA

travelsizegirl

NTA. You can’t help what you are/aren’t attracted to. We all have preferences. The asshole move would be to lead this guy on, or try to change him for your own benefit. I think a very mature move would be to be honest with him, and see if HE thinks losing weight is a good idea (meaning, he brings it up and seems to want to do it for good reasons, not just out of desperation to keep you). But, I can see how that would be difficult and uncomfortable. Either way, as long as you didn’t react like an overt asshole (“OMG you’re disgusting!”) then you’re not to blame for your honest reaction to his physique. People like to shame other people for being “shallow,” but we’re ALL “shallow” in our own ways. Are you “shallow” for not being attracted to women, or people who don’t speak the same language, or people who aren’t on the same mental wavelength as you? Physical appearance is just as valid a category, as long as your standards are not ridiculously high enough to be a deterrent to your ability to find a suitable partner.

GingerRazz

NTA. You entered into it liking him and thinks ng it will work out, but the sexual spark not being there is a good reason to end it now rather than later.

You can’t make the spark now. It’s just what it is, and it sucks, but that’s life. Relationships are mutual, and if you aren’t feeling it, ending it is the right thing to do.

singerbeerguy

NTA. You are not obligated to stay in a relationship if you find yourself less attracted to your partner, whether it be physically, emotionally or spiritually. You were in a dating relationship, not a marriage.

benganbhartastewart

NTA!

Compatible personalities/interests = friends. Romantic relationships require physical attraction. You don’t have to justify your preferences or be with someone you don’t find attractive.

Buffinator360

NTA, you did the right thing. There is nothing that sucks more than when your long term SO bails on you for something that was a dealbreaker when everything started.

Quarterinchribeye

If this was after the first time you met then no, you wouldn’t. Everyone has different tastes when it comes to attraction.

How this took you 3 months to figure out is beyond me and it makes me think there are other reasons. YTA.

madamdepompadour

NTA. Not being attracted to fat people is not superficial. Best to leave him for someone who finds him attractive as is.

LGBTreecko

NTA – You shouldn’t have to date someone you aren’t attracted to.

Nayzeee

NTA. You have every right to break up with someone for any reason.

JabroniBalogna88

YTA – superficial af

princessberryboo

In my opinion, yes and no? On one hand, you have every right to your own taste in a partner and their looks, so it’s fair that you wanted to break things off earlier on in knowing that you didn’t like what he had to offer.
If you’re truly not attracted to someone, it’s hard to get past their physical appearance, especially when your relationship involves a lot of sex.
On the other hand, if you really do like everything else about this guy, the attraction might build if you were to continue the relationship, and then the physical things that bother you about him might not be such a big deal.
To everyone talking about the fact that you waited 3 months before ending it and how it’s strange you waited even that long: we don’t know the basis of their relationship, it may have been online contact only and OP didn’t know what he looked like naked until he sent that pic or maybe it could be that OP has never seen the guy naked IRL because the lights are never on or he doesn’t ever fully undress? In any case, OP may have been waiting to end the relationship because they were trying to look past his physical attributes and were waiting for sexual desire to develop (like I mentioned before) but the spark never happened?

(Edited, I didn’t finish my rant and posted before I was done lol)

SquirrelGirlVA

NTA. This was a long distance relationship, so you weren’t seeing his body like you would if you were together in person. The thing people forget about LDRs is that nuts often easy to idealize the other person because they’re putting forward the best possible version of themselves, as likely were you. So it was likely easy to ignore some things about his body because you weren’t together in person, which became impossible when you saw the image.

Was it nice? No, but you can’t force yourself to be attracted to someone if you’re not, nor should you. Being sexually attracted is incredibly important.

Aedipus

NTA. You ever been in a relationship that seems great, but something isn’t quite right, but you pretend that everything is perfect? Then one day it clicks and you realize it won’t work? That’s this right here.

If you aren’t sexually attracted to somebody, you cannot FORCE yoursef to be sexually attracted to that person. It’s not fair to you, and it’s also ingenuine to him. That’s simple. Plus tree months isn’t like 3 years and your SO puts on a few pounds….

MoreIdeasFaster

No one is obligated to be attracted to any body type, and everyone is entitled to leave a relationship they don’t want to be in, but this is a pretty asshole-ish reason. That’s not to say you should get back together with him and try to force yourself to be attracted to him. You’re both better off with someone you’re mutually attracted to, and since the relationship was only a few months old, it’s not a big deal. But this post is not a good look.

iowaclass

NTA at all.

Relationships eventually turn sexual as this one was beginning to. People chose to consent (or not) based on a multitude of factors – race, looks, personality, sexual orientation, prior sexual partners, height, weight, breast/penis size, personal hygiene, age, political views, introversion/extroversion, has tattoos/doesn’t, religious views, etc.

You’re under no obligation to change or justify to others what you are/are not attracted to.

JangoHarrisonV2

YTA. You seemed to really like the guy and said he had a wonderful personality. If his body is enough to make you not like him, then you’re pretty shallow.

Guido900

NTA. You choose with whom you want to be. Period.

Regular_Slinky

NTA. If you dont want to have sex with him you dont have to. Having sex with someone to avoid hurting their feelings isnt a valid reason imo.

Conclusion

Was it a cruel breakup or a necessary truth? The aftermath of this decision leaves everyone wondering what really matters in a relationship.