AITA for not hanging out with girlfriend on her Bday

You won’t believe how this guy’s relationship took a shocking turn after one stressful weekend! He thought he was handling things perfectly, but his girlfriend’s reaction will leave you speechless.

So back in August I met this girl (we’ll call her Jessica). Jessica and I started talking a lot and in early September we started dating. The relationship was pretty casual. We go to different schools so I would only get to see her on the weekends. Most of the time we would watch a movie or get food together.

From what I could tell we were both pretty content with the direction the relationship was headed.

*Before the story starts I want to lay out a few dates to prevent confusion:*

**Finals Week**: November 2nd-6th

**SAT and Jessica’s birthday**: November 7th

The first week of November was a stressful one for me. I had to take 5 finals (trimester schedule) and the following Saturday I had the SAT (I’m a junior in high school). To add insult to injury that Saturday was also Jessica’s birthday. Obviously I wanted to make it special for her but I knew I was going to be completely exhausted by the end of the week.

Friday after school Jessica and I were texting back and forth trying to figure out plans for her birthday tomorrow. This was my first time taking the SAT so I told her I’d most likely be free around 1 in the afternoon. Jessica tells me that should work because the rest of the night she is going to the mall with friends and getting dinner with her family.

I also text her wishing her a happy birthday and give her a heads up that we will play tomorrow by ear because I will most likely be to exhausted to hang out. That night I purposely get to bed early with the intention to be rested enough to hang out Jessica.

The whole night I was tossing and turning because I was so anxious about the SAT and making the day special for Jessica.

Saturday morning I’m up bright and early at 7 AM and head over to the testing center. I text Jessica one more time wishing her a happy birthday and that I will text her once I finish the test. Overall the SAT took about 5 hours with the breaks we got in between sections.

The test officially ended at 12:50 PM and I was completely exhausted so I got in my car and drove home. At 1 PM as I was about to text Jessica she texts me asking what the plan is. I text her back telling her that I am way to tired to hang out with her and that I need to go home and take a nap.

She seems a little disappointed (which is understandable) and I text her back that I’m super sorry and that we can do something special tomorrow (she was busy the rest of the day). Jessica wasn’t agreeing to hang out on a different day and eventually she stops responding to my texts.

Late Saturday night (like 11 PM) she texts me out of the blue asking if she can rant to me. I tell her yes and then she proceeds to write me a number of essays about how pissed off she is at me. She complains to me about how I “blew her off on her birthday” and that I “was probably hanging out with other people anyways.” She also goes off on me about how it didn’t seem like I cared.

The first time she texted me I responded saying how I am sorry and that if we hung out I feel like I wouldn’t have been able to make the day special for her and stuff. She keeps texting me and isn’t accepting my apology so eventually I stop saying I’m sorry and I try to explain my side to her.

I genuinely didn’t do anything except go home, put on the TV, and fall asleep after the SAT. She kept accusing me of not caring and I eventually just tell her we need to hang out tomorrow and work it out in person.

Sunday comes around (the day she was very adamant about being to busy to hang out on) and we go out and get food at Panera. The whole time it was kind of awkward and we were just making small talk. As I am driving her back to her house, I tell Jessica that we should probably break up.

I explain to her that I really enjoy spending time with her but I don’t think it’s working out. She agrees and I tell her that I hope we can still be friends. She seemed very content with the situation and she didn’t freak out or get mad at me. I thought we ended the relationship on pretty good terms and I thought I handled the situation pretty maturely.

On Thanksgiving I wake up and she a text on my phone from Jessica. She said: “Happy Thanksgiving!! So thankful we broke up omfg”

As soon as I read that text I got extremely pissed off and headed straight for the gym. Haven’t texted her back or contacted her in anyway. So Reddit– Am I an asshole for not hanging out with my girlfriend on her birthday?

Here’s how people reacted:

Buffalo__Buffalo

Part of being in a mature relationship is knowing your responsibilities and limitations. This might mean sometimes *not* being the top priority for your SO.

I opened this thread writing a reply in my head saying “You should have given her fair warning beforehand, you should have still contacted her on her birthday, and you should have negotiated with her to make it up to her on a different day” except you already did all of that. I guess my only criticism would be that you didn’t extend an offer to hang at hers or yours to do nothing if you knew you’d be too tired but she really did want to spend some time with you to make her birthday feel special. But that’s a minor quibble.

She didn’t communicate with you properly. She didn’t make her expectations clear. She didn’t negotiate. She didn’t seek a compromise. The fault is with her in my opinion.

You have to know your limits and draw your boundaries in a relationship. You did just that. Idk what you’re like Opie, but if you get cranky or upset when you’re tired then maybe by not going out with her friends for her birthday you avoided acting like an ass and getting into a fight. Or maybe you avoided moping and ruining everyone else’s fun. Regardless you told her what you were capable of and she wasn’t okay with that and didn’t tell you. Then she got all jealous and started making accusations and stuff. Not cool. Then there’s that thanksgiving text…

I think Opie, you should have told her earlier on that there was no chance of hanging out on Saturday but if you miraculously float through the whole ordeal you’ll let her know just so that you’ve set a clear expectation, but that’s the kind of thing that comes more easily when you’ve got more relationship experience under your belt.

I don’t think you’re an asshole.

Transfuturist

You should have taken the SAT at a different time to begin with.

You upset her, she wasn’t able to deal with that in a good way (that it was her birthday probably made that worse), and provoked you into upsetting her further. And then you broke up with her. I would not be so sure that she was not mad at you when she seemed content with the situation.

It might have been entirely possible to avoid the situation by at least meeting her Saturday. You didn’t have to take a nap at *your* house, either. But telling her over text that there would be nothing was probably very upsetting.

On Thanksgiving she’d probably had a lot of time to stew over the situation. Now she’s switched into bitch ex mode from all the resentment.

razvanrat

Lol high school

IamA_KoalaBear

Nope, not at all. If you’d told her you would hang out with her, then blew her off with no context, then yeah, you’d be an asshole. You had perfectly reasonable grounds, and you explained your points clearly. She cared more about having you there than your future and aspirations, all over one day. A test that was important to you, and one of her many birthdays. If you’d have met up with her on the day, and been tired and lethargic, she’d be just as pissed. There’s no winning here. She’s selfish and self absorbed, and doesn’t care to see it from your side. Also re the texts she’s not over it and looking for an argument. Not only are you not an asshole, you’re a lucky fucker for getting out of that. Delete the number and don’t respond. You sound like a nice, reasonable, caring person, who goes for psychos. Look for red flags early on, people like that tend to fly them high.

S-E

Please understand that I do not mean this in a demeaning way, but from your post, I see that you are fairly young and this was a short relationship. I specify this because right now, if I was too tired to do something with my SO on his birthday, I would still go over and make an effort and we’d probably end up taking a nap together. But I know that, when I was in high school, I most likely wouldn’t have been able to do that.

I don’t think you’re an asshole, but I do think you were inconsiderate. Your ex was too. She responded very brashly and wouldn’t even consider celebrating with you a day later. You handled the break up maturely and she seemed very childish in her response. Her text on thanksgiving is very petty and designed to hurt you. You’re better off this way.

mister_moustachio

If you actually were so tired that you had to lie down immediately then no, but you should probably go and see a doctor.

Actually scratch that, if you really were that tired, you shouldn’t have been driving a car.

You live and you learn, and eventually you grow up to be a decent person. Once that happens, you look back and think ‘god I was an asshole then’.

aDoer

The fact that you basically said a nap is more important than this girl’s bday is the real issue there. I remember taking those long tests and rule 1 was going to sleep early the next day, so being tired where you can’t have fun doesn’t really make sense.

On the other hand, the fact that she sent that thanksgiving text means you likely made the right move considering that if you were both able to make that awkward Panera conversation work, she’d likely bring it up as ammo in another argument.

Shit happens bud, you were insensitive, made the right move, and things ultimately worked out the best for you as she doesn’t seem like the type for you.

Also you’re winning the divorce as she’s clearly not over it

Stealth_Jesus

Not an asshole. If you forced yourself to hang out with her, you’d probably be too tired to stay awake for the girl (assuming you had <5 hours of sleep).

I would have taken a 20 min power nap and made time for her, though. To each their own and all that.

Side note: Other people are saying SATs and HS finals are bullshit. So are high school relationships. I wouldn’t worry about it.

pxystx_anon

unless they made the test drastically more difficult in the two years since I had to take it, I dont get how you could be too exhausted to do anything afterwards. I’d say youre an asshole for not sucking it up and going out with her, and she’s an asshole for that text.

cindreiaishere

I don’t think you were the asshole. You had a week of finals and then a major standardized test which are both mentally and physically exhausting. Adding in the pressure of a birthday and having to be social and it is totally reasonable that you’d need to tap out for a bit. You told her your situation from the jump and it was only a birthday. She’s being overdramatic.

Conclusion

And just when he thought it was over, a Thanksgiving text delivered the ultimate mic drop! See how this breakup became a surprising celebration for her, leaving everyone wondering who really won.