As I said, my daughter’s 11 and her friend group ranges 11-12. It’s mainly girls but there is one boy that I have seen around.
She’s having a sleepover to celebrate her birthday this weekend. She invited the boy to the party but the plan was (or so I thought) that he would leave around 10 pm.
The boy’s mom called me last night to confirm that the boy (I’ll call him Tom) could sleep over. I said there must have been some miscommunication and I thought that she was picking up Tom at 10. I told her that if transportation was a problem my husband or I could drive Tom home.
Tom’s mom said that the issue was Tom wanted to stay over and would be let down if he had to go home. (Again, I don’t know why she thought he was sleeping over, since I made it clear on the invitation what was expected. We will have a couple other boys over who are the kids of family friends and they will also be leaving at 10 pm!).
It was a sort of awkward conversation to say the least. But she ended up saying she would come to pick up Tom after the party.
To be honest, even if I was inclined to have Tom sleep over, I doubt husband would go for it. But I’m starting to wonder if I did something wrong here?
Conclusion
See how this parent navigated the unexpected situation and what happened when plans went awry. The story concludes with a decision that surprised everyone, proving that sometimes, things don’t go as planned.
Here’s how people reacted:
It’s your house though, so your rules. You shouldn’t feel bad for enforcing them.
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You could have just had an adult stay close by or in the same room as them if that was a major concern, but I don’t think you were wrong to ask him to be picked up either. If his mother was cool with it, I think that is a good sign that she really just sees them as friends and actual children and not something to be overly concerned about.
I, myself, see no issue with co-ed sleep overs. But I totally understand cutting those off when gets get into the tween years when things start to get a little hormonal.
But each family has the right to their own comfort level/rules.
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Honestly, if my child had gone to a slumber party and I found out it was mixed, I’d be more than a little upset. Letting boys come over until 10:00 is generous enough and nobody should be upset that it’s not overnight.
When I was 11 people in my grade were getting into all sorts of sexual exploration and…other things. While not every 11 year old comes from a place like my demented home town, it’s good to set boundaries as a parent.
Given Tom’s mom response, I imagine they are still all sweet and innocent and don’t see the difference why a boy cant participate.
It has to happen at some point, sounds like you handled it pretty respectfully.