AITA for letting my husband sleep in and be late for work?

She thought she was teaching her husband a lesson, but did she go too far? A woman’s patience wears thin as her husband’s morning routine becomes her responsibility, leading to a dramatic showdown. Was this tough love, or a recipe for disaster?

I am 26(f) and my husband is 27(m). Over the past few weeks, he has had a hard time waking himself up. He would typically get up himself when the sun rises or set an alarm on his phone, but he hasn’t been doing either of those things recently. For the past 2-3 weeks, it seems that he’s become more and more reliant on me waking him up.

I will admit that I am a little sensitive when it comes to feeling like I need to act like his mother to get him to do something. Having to try to get a grown man out of bed is something that frustrates me, and I’ve told him this on more than one occasion.

At the end of last week, I told him that I was beginning to resent having to wake him up every morning, that I wanted him to set his own alarm in the morning, and that I wouldn’t be waking him up anymore. This all came to a head this morning.

This morning, his phone’s alarm went off around 6 am, which is new. He turned it off but stayed in bed. I got up to use the bathroom and came back to bed. I reminded his alarm went off and asked him if he needed to get up, and he said no. I fell back asleep until my alarm went off at 7 am.

As I was getting out of bed, I asked if he needed to get up, and told him what time it was. He said no, so I left the bedroom to get started with my morning routine. I tried to get him up twice this morning after telling him I wasn’t doing that anymore, so I decided to just let him sleep.

He usually leaves around 7:40 am, and that came and went. He usually is at work by 8 am, and that came and went too. I only went back into the bedroom at 8:20 am, when I’m about to leave for work myself. I told him what time it was, asked what time he needed to be at work, and he said “20 minutes ago.” He also told me that his phone died, and that he wasn’t happy that I allowed him to sleep in because I resent him.

He hugged and kissed me goodbye, but I could tell he was upset with me.

At first, I felt like I was serving up some tough love. I thought that if he learned the hard way, he wouldn’t depend on me to get him up anymore. I know this doesn’t reflect nicely on me, but I had told him how I felt and said that I wasn’t going to do it any more.

I know that he was listening to me when I told him that, because he did set an alarm this morning (which he slept through), and he repeated the bit about resentment. I did try to get him up twice this morning despite saying I wouldn’t do that any more.

However, now I feel like I might have been needlessly petty. His job isn’t one that would be in jeopardy over being late this one time, but no one looks good coming in to work late.

So, AITA who owes my husband an apology, or what?

Here’s how people reacted:

gooberfaced

Hey- you tried. Twice.
It’s all on him.
Do not apologize for expecting him be responsible for himself, especially when you told him *twice.*

MisterJohnWinger

He’s a grown ass man. He should be able to get up himself. If it was once a month, yea I get it, everyone over sleeps sometimes. But on a daily basis no.

googletoldmeto

I don’t think you are the asshole. You told him how you felt *and* tried to get him up twice that morning anyway. You are his wife, not his mother nor his alarm clock.

Red069

Gonna go against the grain here. While I don’t think you’re necessarily an asshole I do think that it shouldn’t be that big of a deal to make sure he gets up. Obviously, I don’t know your particular reasons for not wanting to “act like his mother” and of course he’s a big boy so it shouldn’t be your responsibility to wake him up but I personally don’t think just letting him be late to work is a great solution. Even if you still wanna give him the “tough love” treatment there are, I think, better ways to make sure that he both gets up and that you aren’t “being his mom”: turn the lights on, yell at him, smack his forehead, physically push him out of the bed (though maybe not actually lol). Point is, I think letting the 7:40 departure date come and go is a wee bit passive-aggressive (or, as you said, “petty”) and you might not feel as bad if you actually just ditch the “coaxing” and go straight to round-housing him awake lol. At the end of the day, it’s good just to help each other out.

GingerFire29

Honestly, kind of an asshole move. I get not wanting to nag someone but he’s not your roommate, he’s your spouse. You have to be on his side. I saw someone else mention SAD, and other potential medical issues. You have to give him the benefit of the doubt as much as you can because, well, if your spouse doesn’t, who will?
Plus, his success is your success (at least financially) and being rushed or late in the AM is not the key to success. So working to find a constructive solution is my suggestion.

maykennedy

Not an asshole.

bartlebyss

What if you were the one accidentally oversleeping? Would he help you wake up? I’m guessing he wouldn’t be there to have your back. You are nta.

However, it sounds like you need to have a conversation with him. Tell him that you are curious why he’s been having trouble waking up. Ask him if he’s relying on you to wake him up from now on, and this question might be enough to make him think. Also ask him how he’ll wake up if you decide to sleep in that day, or if you’re sick. And what if you sleep past your alarm – will he be sure to help you out, too?

ManlyUnic0rn

Just wake him up for fuks sake

How can you be so damn petty

aestherisms

My husband has a very hard time waking up. Like…ridiculously hard, so bad that even on a CPAP machine that ensures his quality of rest, Ive witnessed him sleep through me calling him over 50 times in a row in rapid succession, unmuting our skype call to talk to him loudly, texting him so that his phone vibrates mercilessly–all within a half hour span. We sleep on skype because we’re LD at the moment, so I’ve seen him do this, all while I’m panicking because he needs to leave for work in 10 minutes. He has no health issue that would cause this, he just hates waking up that much.

Waking him stresses me out because I’m not there. I would have to rely on skype and phone calls to wake him, and sometimes they didnt, and i felt awful about it. Like I could have tried harder and he wouldnt be an hour late.

I stopped waking him up a few months ago. I just cant stress myself out like that anymore. I’m not his mother, and he has an alarm clock for a reason.

I stopped out of HIS request, because he knows its his fuckin responsibility to wake himself up. If your husband is blaming you, HTA, not you.

Conclusion

He missed work, and she feels the guilt. Was this ‘tough love’ or just plain cruel? She’s questioning her actions, and the apology might be the only way to mend this morning’s mess. Did she shatter his trust, or just wake him up to reality?