So, this is an update to a few other posts I’ve made before, check them out if you’d like the full story. I’ll link them below. I had a co-worker that I had feelings for. I honestly thought I loved him. On the weekends, me, him, and quite a few of our other friends from work hang out at a bar.
Now, I am INCREDIBLY shy, and just didn’t have the courage to ask him on a date. But, I had a better idea, I asked our friends to not show up to the bar that night, and not to tell him, so I could have some alone time with him.
After a bit, he showed up. One thing led to another, We both got drunk, and I just started kissing him, he was receptive and kissed me back. I felt a passionate spark for him, so I invited him to my place, and we were intimate together that night. I know we rushed into things, but I couldn’t help myself.
Keep in mind, I had very strong feelings for this person. But he just used me for sex. I told him how I felt the next morning, but he was in a hurry to get out. He told me he didn’t love me. He slept with me, but didn’t have the consideration to tell me he didn’t have feelings for me until AFTER he had his way with me.
That morning, when he woke up, he didn’t speak to me. He just started to get dressed. I told him I loved him. But, he didn’t take it well. He actually started to head out the door. I confronted him, and he told me “Look, I’m just not looking for a relationship right now.
I don’t even know why I did that last night, you just started kissing me and I couldn’t control myself.” It would have been great to hear that before he deflowered me, but I guess he wanted to get off before he broke the news to me. I started crying, he tried to console me, but I shoved him away.
He started to leave, and I tossed a shoe at him. It missed, but I think he got the message.
Things were pretty awkward afterwards. We didn’t hang out anymore. Now, about a month later, I had started to feel sick. So, I went to my doctor, and discovered I was pregnant. I didn’t know what to do. But, I posted it on reddit, asking for advice. Most of the advice I received was telling me to abort the baby, but I can’t do that.
I’m pro-life. I decided to keep it to myself. That man is the only person I have ever slept with. I had struggled with the thought, whether I should tell him or not. I decided not to, I was scared too because he had cut off all contact, he asked to be transferred to a different floor, blocked my number.
So, I kept quiet, out of fear mostly. That, and I also kept my mouth shut because he had gotten a girlfriend, who also works with us.
But, my belly started growing and rumors started circulating. Everyone in the office knew I didn’t have a boyfriend. Me and him both kept quiet about the one night stand. However, a couple months afterwards, my manager had asked me who the father was and if I had gotten married or something.
I just started crying, he sat me down in his office and calmed me, I told him it who it was. He told me I should tell him. I tried to tell him, but he didn’t want to listen to me, he called me a psycho and threatened to report me to the HR department if I didn’t leave him alone.
I had become depressed, and told everyone at work what a selfish piece of crap he was. I told everyone.
It spread quickly, and after a while, he had been completely ostracized from everyone in the office. Nobody wanted to talk to him. It was a complete downward spiral for him. Anytime he’d try to eat lunch in the break room, everybody would leave. Nobody wants anything to do with him.
Even his girlfriend dumped him. Everyone pretty much hates this guy, because of what I did. I completely ruined this man’s social life.
Now, that’s my question. Am I the asshole for doing this?
Conclusion
Her actions had devastating consequences, leading to a complete social downfall for the man involved. Was she justified in seeking revenge, or did she go too far?
Here’s how people reacted:
For the second part, no you weren’t the asshole for exposing him. If he had kept dismissing you and called you a psycho when you attempted to talk with him, he deserved to be called out on it, you can’t control the actions of your co-workers. You reacted emotionally to him threatening you and that got him abandoned, your actions had little to do with that, it was all him.
Trolling asshole.
You can’t blame him for sleeping with you because you initiated, used deception to get him alone and drunk, and, furthermore, hadn’t made it clear you were looking for a relationship. You couldn’t expect him to read your mind and you can’t blame him for that aspect of the situation.
You probably should have been immediately forthcoming about the pregnancy, but his refusal to accept the truth is on him. What other people do as a result of your or his actions is on them. You can only control what you do. If other people think that he’s shitty and want to treat him differently, that’s not your fault. You sound much more willing to accept the consequences and reality of the situation than he is and that’s very good.
In turn you created a situation where everyone is looking at him like he took advantage of you when in reality you hatched a plan to get him drunk and alone so one could argue that you actually took advantage of him. So to turn around and act like he did something so wrong to you is just fucked up.
He doesn’t owe you anything except for being a father to the child that the two of you created. It doesn’t mean that you two are going to live happily ever after. It simply means that he needs to pay for his kid and hopefully if he’s a decent guy he will choose to be a part of the child’s life as well.
So yes, you are an asshole.
He’s an asshole too, because even drunk he didn’t have to go to your home and have unprotected sex with you. But at least he didn’t premeditatedly put him himself into this situation the way you did.
You lured him to a bar under false pretenses, waited until he was inebriated and made a pass at him, took him home and had unprotected sex. Now he might have mistakenly thought since you were being aggressive with him that you were on some kind of birth control (which is dumb of him), but *you* definitely knew you weren’t and he wasn’t using a condom, so you knew that pregnancy might be a consequence, yet you went ahead with it anyway.
You never bothered to establish that this guy had feelings for you before having sex, and now you hold that against him. You’ve sabotaged his job. Wrecked his relationships and roped him into unwanted parenthood, which will be a financial and emotional drain on him for years to come. He’s not likely to forgive you any time soon.
The crazy part is that this could’ve quickly become a fake rape case if you were anymore less stable mentally.
Definitely a asshole
Second of all, you are the asshole here. While it probably wasn’t your intention, in *none* of this story did you behave appropriately, from the moment you manipulated your friend group to manufacture a “date” with him. THEN, you hid your pregnancy – with his child – from him for several months. Then it gets sprung on him long after the point where he would reasonably be made aware of it and reacts predictably. THEN you go out of your way to socially sabotage him.
None of these were good decisions, and none of them are fair to him. Now he has some modicum of duty to the child he’s created given that you haven’t decided to terminate the pregnancy but it’s going to be very hard for him to fulfill that with his professional life sabotaged.
The guy doesn’t escape judgment here but I’ll let other people handle his since while he may be *an* asshole, you’re probably *the* asshole in the situation.