So my parents for years had the same cleaning lady, and I was somewhat friendly with her daughter, who’s the same age as me. But it didn’t become a thing until we were 20. I was back home from college for winter break. We got to spend time together, and then I went back to school.
Well that “time” we spent together resulted in me getting her pregnant, only I didn’t know. She didn’t want to tell anyone who it was because she was scared for her mom’s job and me possibly rejecting our baby. After I finished college, I tried to reach out to her again, and that’s when I found out.
My son was 3 at that time. We did a paternity test to find out I was the father. My parents showed their true colors after I told them. I should add my son’s mom’s side is Cuban, so he’s half Cuban.
They always gave subtle racist remarks every now and then, but this was the first time I saw them as full-blown racist assholes. They denied my son being family. They accused my son’s mom of being a gold digger and tampering with paternity results to try to trap me into taking care of her kid.
Like if a court-ordered DNA test was going to lie. Unfortunately, they did fire her mom, but she managed to find work. For all these reasons, I stopped having contact with my parents for 3 years since then. I’m with my son’s mom now, and we’ve been living together for a while.
A few months ago, I got a surprise visit from my grandma on my dad’s side. She finally found out why I’m not around the family anymore, and she wanted to meet her great-grandson. Lucky that she’s not like the rest of my family, and she was really mad when I told her the whole story.
My grandma made lots of changes to her will and says she wants my son to have something. No coincidence that once this happened, my parents were suddenly wanting to come around, wanting to reconcile. I have a feeling she probably took them out of her will or something.
Most of their wealth came from her. Because I’m rejecting them from being in our lives, my mom decided to post a pic of my son on FB recently on his 6th birthday. I saw it because my sister sent it to me.
It’s her venting about not being in her grandson’s life and to tell him Happy Birthday. A lot of people were giving her sympathy, so I commented, “Remember you said you didn’t want a brown baby in the family.” Within that hour, I got some reactions, and my mom ended up deleting it.
Some in our family say I was an asshole for embarrassing my mom online, where she was only venting her frustration and should’ve left it at that. My mom is mad too for using a mistake she made back then to humiliate her to friends and other family who saw the post and are now being negative toward her.
Hard to feel like I am when I just called her out when she tried to pull the victim card. AITA?
Conclusion
Will this family ever truly heal, or are the wounds too deep? The story concludes with a surprising twist and a question that lingers: can love conquer prejudice, even when it comes from within?
Here’s how people reacted:
You sound like a great guy–congratulations to you and your little family!
She made it sound like you were keeping her from her grandson for no reason.
She lied publicly, you called her out on the lie publicly.
Getting down to the bare facts, she aired her own dirty laundry online. Nobody with a hint of common sense does that, because that’s what therapists and irl friends are for (or anonymous posting I guess). If someone is “venting” online, chances are they’re either a teenager or trying to get everyone to gang up on the other person.
She had to have known that you would find out (unless she’s stupid), and that brings the risk of you telling your side. I’d love to say this will be an excellent lesson on the consequences of her actions, but given her history that’s unlikely.
Side note, it might be time to crack down on people giving out your son’s pictures. I’d like to think your sister meant well, but your mom shared without your consent.
>embarrassing my mom online where she was only venting her frustration
Venting online as if that’s private, she played a stupid game and was shocked at her prize.
>My mom is mad too for using a mistake she made
Racism is NEVER a mistake.
Keep your racist parents out, all they want is that sweet grandma inheritance anyway.
Parents that truly regret their actions on this scale are the first to go “Yeah, I was a bigoted asshat, Im glad you’re both giving me a second chance, I won’t waste it”
The Facebook post was just a facade to gain sympathy or to not look as bad in the public eye. You were right to let people know how she treated your family.
I’m glad that you stepped up in regards to your son and your partner.
this sub is just 90% outrage bait its so fucking tiring
1. Posting pictures of other peoples’ kids without parental consent is an AH move
2. Using pictures of kids to emotionally manipulate and garner support is low
3. Apologies should have come first from your family
4. She publicly lied. When you lie publicly there’s a chance you’re going to get caught publicly (a natural consequence for bad actions).
5. The attempt to reconnect may be genuine (doesn’t sound like it is though) but that doesn’t absolve the original act of shunning. Only an apology can help heal that divide.
Your family and mother are the AH here.
You know your parents are racist and you know but they are not sincere in their efforts to suddenly decide they want to get to know their grandson.
You might want to hop over to r/JUSTNOMIL – it’s a sub for people who have mothers for mother-in-law’s who behaves badly towards their children their children’s partners and their grandchildren while attempting to manipulate those people.
It’s a great place to vent or get advice specific to your situation.