What seemed like a minor disagreement spiraled into a shocking revelation that no one saw coming.
First of all, thank you to those of you who offered kind words and solid advice. This update is likely to disappoint some of you, as it does me.
My fiance and I have been fighting solidly since before I posted my last thread. It’s been exhausting. I called her out on her obvious lie and she fumed at how awful I was for calling her a liar. From then on it was as if she was falling down a smooth well, desperately clawing and grabbing at anything she could to blame me for as she went deeper and deeper.
I’m not a perfect man, but in this particular situation, I was an angel, so she had nothing to grab on to.
I did a lot of soul searching, and I made a call that most of you will hate. I decided to bury the hatchet. I love her very very dearly. I had no proof of a lie, and I wasn’t too concerned about what she was REALLY up to anyway. Our relationship is open, so even if she fucked around, I didn’t care much.
She still fought with me though. The fight continued to the point where she ‘broke up with me’ (but not really), which was a common tactic she had used before. I called her on it and she fought with me still. I asked for space for a night so I could sleep off the exhaustion and she got upset and told me I was neglectful and selfish for not going to her and making up in person.
I am stupid. I am aware of it. Even through all of this, I was apparently able to believe that what she said in emotion wasn’t really her talking.
Today I was having lunch. Money has been tight lately, for some reason (wierd….), so I flipped through my wallet to find my credit card, which was missing.
Well you see where this goes. She had stolen it. She cited our desire to join lives together and merge finances and that when I lent her my wallet once, she took it so she wouldn’t have to bother me by asking again. This credit card is mine, under my name and for emergencies only.
She was using it for the last month and a half. While she has been decent enough to pay back some of it, there was still a $1500 balance on it that hasn’t been paid. She says that it’s here just as much as mine and resents me calling her a thief. A lot of the uses were spent at ATMs for cash withdrawals and some interesting ones at… The Casino.
Those of you who guessed gambling were probably right on the money.
At that point, I admit I lost it. I am a very calm person, but there was only so much denial of reality that I could take. It’s still blurry, but I said a lot of horrible things to her and am in the process of evicting her from my life. I am cancelling everything that is in my name that she is a part of (including the new phone/line), cancelling her car insurance and reclaiming my car that I gave her (and she has trashed).
Apparently I can handle lies, cheating and secrets, but who knew theft was my line? Learning experience.
Now thinking back, I can identify lots of sketchy shit that my love-goggles blinded me to… but there’s a pretty strict character limit…
EDIT: Thanks for informing me everyone. I am aware that my ex is posting deranged nonsense in the comments. I won’t respond to them because I’ve made it a policy not to engage with her.
Conclusion
The journey ends not with a happy ever after, but with a harsh lesson learned and a life irrevocably changed.
Witness the dramatic fallout when theft becomes the ultimate betrayal, leaving one heartbroken and the other exposed.
Here’s how people reacted:
I can really see how desperately you wanted to have this relationship work, even though you knew it was to your detriment. ( No judgement, I myself did the same in an emotionally toxic relationship in the past)
Well done for breaking the cycle and getting out!! I imagine she has chipped away at your self esteem a fair bit and it might take a bit of time for you to be able to trust again, but you are already proving your strength of character by putting a stop to her antics. In future your personal boundaries will be in the forefront of your mind and it will be much harder for anyone to get away with overstepping.
Amazing metaphor.
Even if you get it back from her, it could be that she’s used it online or kept a note of the numbers!
This is tough, but I am glad you found out now before she could really drag you into financial ruin. It sounds like she is in denial about her problem, which just makes it worse. No wonder she freaked when you called the police!
This may be a good thing for both of you in the long run. The breakup may lead her to acknowledge her problem and seek help. And, hopefully you’ll move on without having your financial life trashed.
In light of that, I want to let you know that if you find yourself struggling in future relationships, or with your self worth, etc., that would be a completely understandable and natural response, and it’s alright to consider yourself a victim of someone else’s awful behavior, which you couldn’t always, nor should’ve had to, protect yourself from.
And if these struggles get in the way of your ability to live your life the way you want to, going to see a therapist is definitely an option worth considering. This is exactly what therapists exist to help people with. And a good therapist can make a huge difference. I highly recommend it.
And be sure to keep all texts and receipts handy in case she files any false small claims.
I ask that you seriously consider some kind of therapy, build your self-esteem up, know that you deserve better out of a relationship.
Her carrying on after you buried the hatchet, proved her toxicity and that would have been no good for you going forward. I wish you all the best.
If you need people to talk to without judgement (if you haven’t got anyone like that in your life) subs like r/MomForAMinute and r/DadForAMinute are amazing places. There’s others like grandparents or siblings but I don’t know them specifically.
Wishing you the best going forward.
sad that it came to this, however op found out about her true colors
Sorry about what happened to you. Sending you good vibes for a more peaceful, better future!