AITA for calling my son a selfish F@#k?

A man’s world crumbles as his wife faces life-altering surgery, but the real nightmare begins when his son’s selfishness threatens to derail the most critical morning. Will a borrowed car and an empty gas tank push this father over the edge?

This morning my wife is having a major surgery due to a breast cancer diagnosis. We are about 15 minutes from the hospital. Check in was scheduled for 5:30 a.m. Unbeknownst to me, my wife let my 23-year-old son borrow her car last night. My car is out of state because I moved for work, so while I am here, we only have 1 car.

We decided to leave at 5 a.m. because she is obviously anxious and doesn’t want any added anxiety caused by running late. As 5 a.m. hits, my wife tells me my son isn’t home yet from the night before, and he has the car. I am immediately infuriated. I swallowed my anger so as not to upset my wife, but I was livid.

She tells me he is 15 minutes out. I said to her, I guarantee you he brings the car back with no gas. He rolls up at 5:20, and I just give him a death stare and get in the car. Sure enough the gas light is on. He said he didn’t have time to put gas in the car.

I stop and get gas (put about 15 bucks in just to save time), and we get to check in a little late. It ended up not being a big deal. My son Venmoed me 25 bucks for gas. I proceeded to text him and tell him it isn’t about the gas money, it’s about you being a selfish f#*k and not being considerate of your mother’s situation by being late.

This is who he is, and I have had it. He is oblivious to the world around him and the people in it. It makes me sick. This is not how I raised him. He then has the audacity to tell me name-calling won’t solve anything and to get my wife to the hospital safely and stop texting him.

I am furious. I have had it with his entitled behavior. Am I the asshole for calling him a selfish f#$k?

Here’s how people reacted:

bamf1701

NTA. Did you overreact? Probably. Is it understandable that you did? Under the circumstances, yes. I’ve read your comments, and your son knew how important this was. I gather from everything you said that this was not an isolated incident, so this was building for a long time.

Daligheri

Going against the grain here…. NTA. I don’t really support name calling but in comparison to your son’s apathy, you’re not the AH here. Not only is he not respecting the property his parents let him have, he has an attitude about it and has the audacity to be late on a rather critical day.

OP, he’s only right about name calling… It won’t change anything. But I don’t think that makes you an AH. In times like this, especially with the stress of a surgery THAT morning and being up THAT early, you’re bound to say some stuff you’re not always proud of and in this case, you did speak truth.

Lynfran

NTA. Time for the 23 year old to grow up, get his own damn car and move out. hope your wife is ok.

CaesarTjalbo

NTA because he obviously was a selfish fuck. Don’t despair, he might improve a little with age, 23 isn’t that mature yet.

Lazuli_Rose

NTA. Sounds like this is normal for him, so it’s time to have a calm, come to Jesus meeting. He needs to look for an apartment, get his own car and insurance and see if that helps to improve his behavior. I’ve had sons who want to borrow the car and come skidding in right when I need to leave with no gas in the car. It happened 3 times, I warned them the first two times and the third time was the last strike. Uber, Lyft and cab companies are all options.

MiddleAgedCool

NTA, but when you feel more rational, sit him down, apologize for calling him names, and set some boundaries around him living with you and borrowing your car. That’s old enough to have a job that at least pays for a functional car.

I hope your wife’s surgery goes well, and her prognosis is stellar.

jwrx

NTA. man…as a son, i cant even think of going out whole nite if my father is taking his wife to hospital for major surgery, least i can do is wake up and make them breakfast….wife probably cant eat, but the old man probably needs a coffee at least

SeaWitch1031

NTA. He is 23 years old and that is more than old enough to understand the situation and have some empathy for you and his mom. Never let him take the car again, he can get a job and buy one for himself. Then stick to it no matter what. Even if it means he is late for something important and possibly life-saving, like, oh I don’t know, **cancer surgery.**

I’m sorry you and your wife are going through cancer and I hope your wife will be okay.

debdnow

NTA: He’s inconsiderate and selfish. Does he care at all about his mother?

CakeEatingRabbit

NTA

Sounds like the truth to me.

yellowjacket1996

INFO: she let him borrow the car? Did she tell him to bring it back by a certain time?

Infamous_Control_778

NTA. Your son needs to grow up. Fast. All the best for your wife.

erikswifey

NTA you are the parent. You recognize the behavior, go deal with it. Doesn’t matter he’s an adult, this can’t stand. I’m on your side there. Doesn’t seem like anything has worked to change it this far, so while name calling really won’t solve it, it might have shown him the extent of his fuck up.

Agreeable_Text_36

NTA
He is old enough to know better.
Good luck to your wife.

FatBloke4

NTA

At 23, your son is old enough to receive this sort of direct assessment.

GalacticCmdr

NTA, but the more I read the more it seems like mother and son are the biggest assholes of the story.

Both parents shoulder the blame for raising an AH adult, but at 23 his is fully responsible for remaining an entitled AH.

Your wife is enabling her son’s behavior and thus she is an AH as well. She knows what he is like and knew she had an early appointment, but she did it anyway.

People pleasers do not make good parents – sometimes you have to make the hard call.

namesaretoohardforme

INFO: Did your son know about the 5:30am check in time?

Anyway I’m leaning towards NTA here.

Philip_J_Fry3000

NTA This is where I wish a justified asshole option was a thing. Because he deserved and needed someone to be an asshole for him to understand the gravity of the situation.

GoodRiver9770

Nta your son is.

CJsMom2000

NTA. He is 23 and should know better and should have been far more considerate under the circumstances.

Conclusion

The morning’s chaos culminates in a furious confrontation, leaving a father questioning his son’s character and his own parenting. Did a son’s thoughtless act shatter a family’s bond forever, or is this just the prelude to a much-needed reckoning?