NTA

It’s not your moms responsibility to bail her cheating ex husband and his affair partner.

Your dad has zero right to expect her to help and I don’t blame you for calling him out on his nonsense.

NTA, and the audacity, the flipping audacity, that they all think you mom should help them! She should help her unfaithful ex-husband, his homewrecking wife, and kids she doesn’t know or care about? It is to laugh. She’s already gone above and beyond by not trash talking them to you and your sister. You’re NTA. Your mom is NTA. If your grandparents think that someone should have helped your dad and his wife, they could have ponied up, but not your mom, never your mom. She doesn’t owe them anything. Ever.

NTA. It’s not wrong to defend someone who isn’t there to defend themselves from unfair criticism. Your mum owes your dad and his new family nothing at all and from what you’ve said, her approach has been reasonable and honest (the way she sat you down and explained how the hurt has affected her). She doesn’t bad mouth your father or his new wife (even though they’d deserve it as the cheaters) so why is it fair for them to bad mouth her?

You probably didn’t go about it in the right way, but I can understand why. It’s an emotionally sensitive issue so I think you can be forgiven for a lack of diplomacy. I also don’t understand why your half siblings want to meet your mum? It’s not like they have any particular reason to. It just sounds like that would cause your mum more hurt and that’s not fair. So no, I don’t think you’re the AH in this situation. People just don’t like to hear the hard truths.

NTA.
Badmouthing your mother, considering your father cheated, is the AH move in this situation.

NTA. She doesn’t have to take care of your half-siblings. Also, your grandparents are assholes for even suggesting that. It’s awesome that you stood up for your mom against them.

NTA, in fact, imo you did the right thing. Cheating in monogamous relationships has become too commonplace and normalized. Anyone who would call you the asshole in this situation is probably also cheating on their monogamous partner right now tbh.

NTA. He cheated, he deals with the consequences. Their financial crises not hers. Their kids not hers. As long as she got you and you sister, that’s enough

NTA. The fact that they even think getting financial help from her makes sense is astounding. You and your sister said what needed to be said. Leave it at that.

You are NTA.

You are obviously still processing trauma from what occurred to you, your sister and your mother. I get from your post you’ve avoided mentioning some of the things that your dad had done/said during the split from your mother.

What did they think would happen when they start saying horrible and disrespectful things about your mother; that you would join in and agree?

I would say that you were right to call them out on their BS; a caveat to this is that they will likely look at this as ‘your mother has clearly poisoned you and your sister against them’ and it will feed in to their ridiculous notion that your mother owes them assistance in any way shape or form.

It is likely at further family gatherings whether you are there or not that they will likely continue to say things about your mother.

You need to come up with a strategy with your sister as to how you will handle it when you are there in person;

1. Do you want to find yourself arguing with them in the future (if you intend to maintain a relationship);

2.do you want to remain quiet and appear accepting the comments;

3. Do you want to calmly and politely shut the conversation down and change subject;

4. do you want to go low contact/no contact?

If 3; then you need to figure out what you want to say and make sure it is calm and even toned so they can’t try and say you are easily triggered/angered. You could say something like “X is my sisters and I mother and she has done an excellent job bringing us up, I don’t appreciate these comments you are making and I suggest we change the subject otherwise I will go”.

If they choose to continue the conversation, then you can leave stating you will place them all on a no contact timeout for one month, and next time it happens, you will extend it to two months.

You could also send them all an e-mail explaining this.

Your father and MIL should be ashamed by their behaviour of poisoning their own kids against your mother whilst trying to get them to build a relationship with you. They will be in fir a shock when their own kids understand what happened years ago and cut them out of their life.

Either way OP, NTA and good luck what ever you decide.

NTA at all the nerve of those fucking people your mom no part in making those kids so they’re nothing to her if your dad and relatives keep getting on y’all’s case tell them to call someone that fucking cares keep defending your mom

NTA at all. Even if your dad had not been cheating and if your parents had just broken up in a more “normal” way, the result would still be that they have *two separate households* that each of them needs to manage on their own. It’s not your moms responsibility at all to help them out if they have financial problems, and it would be neither your dads if it was the other way around.

Also the expectation that your mom is supposed to engage with your half-siblings more seems super weird to me, because usually that’s just not what happens in separated families – and why would it? The separated parent might see the other kids during exchanges or something like that and say hi, but that’s usually the extend of it. Did your dads family expected your mom to have a visitation schedule with kids that are not even her kids?

NTA. That’s not how divorces work. You aren’t financially responsible for your ex’s future misdeeds.

Her responsibilities are laid out in the divorce decree and he’s lucky your mom didn’t go for more child support since you and your sister spent more time with her.

I’d like to see them take her to court “Your honor, I’d like my ex wife to take financial responsibility for the kids I have with my new wife. Sir, why are you laughing??”

NTA. your dad and all those that agree with his bullshit are delusional.

NTA. They have no business speaking badly about a child’s parent in front of the child, and your mother owes them nothing more than her portion of whatever it takes to raise you and your sister. That’s it.

NTA, truth hurts. I see where your dad gets it from though if your grandparents act so entitled to your mums money and time after your dad cheated.

NTA.

Huge props to you for standing up and defending your Mother. This same family that’s upset at her not helping her kids siblings, how are they supporting their grandkids?

NTA good on you for standing up to these self centred people, you need to tread carefully to not damage your relationship with your Dad but you need show you won’t stand for his disrespect to your Mom who from what you’ve said has acted wonderfully

NTA

Your mom has no obligation to your dads affair babies. Your dad had the audacity to run his mouth like he wasn’t the cheater.

NTA you and your sister stood up for your mom. You said what needed to be said. Now you need to decide if still want a relationship with him.

NTA. Good for you and your sister.