My wife and her sister are very close, but dissimilar in major ways. My wife isn’t materialistic, but my SIL is one of the most materialistic people I’ve ever met and majorly suffers from “keeping up with the Jones Syndrome.” This type of keeping up with the Jones’s behavior really unsettles my wife and her mom, but they rarely call it out because my SIL gets extremely defensive and acts like a victim.
I recently got a promotion at work and I wanted to get my wife something special for Christmas. I got her a diamond necklace because I thought it was nice and a lot of her grandmother’s jewelry she inherited was stolen when our house was robbed a few years ago.
I gave my wife her present at home before heading to her mom’s house. My wife was happy, but concerned with how much I might have spent.
Once at my MIL’s house, SIL asked my wife what I got her for Christmas and my wife casually replied “a necklace.” SIL fired off a barrage of questions. She asked me for all the details on it, but I couldn’t remember. She took me aside and gauchely asked me how much I paid, because she’s “very familiar with Tiffany’s collection.” I was uncomfortable with the question, but I answered because I didn’t want to make it more weird.
On our way home, my wife got a text from my SIL saying they needed to have “a real talk,” she knows a lot about jewelry didn’t want to “throw shade,” but “she could have gotten a much better deal on something better for the money.” I was annoyed and angry, but brushed it off.
When I was in the other room, my MIL called my wife and started talking about how my SIL could find a better deal for the price and in the background she could hear my SIL revealing how much I paid and what she could have found for us instead. This really pissed me off.
I told my wife that I was going to text her sister and ask her to stop. Normally, my wife would say no, but because we had a few drinks, she didn’t object to me texting saying I appreciate her trying to find a better deal, but it’s upsetting me, so please stop.
SIL texted back saying she had only asked me so she could “place what piece you bought her as I am very very familiar with their collection.”
A few minutes later I got a call from her husband asking me why I was attacking his wife. I was annoyed and pissed and told him to go fuck himself and hung up. I felt badly, so I called him back to apologize, but asked him to stay out of it and leave it alone.
He said it was his duty defend his wife when she’s attacked and I replied that she’s an adult and I don’t want to talk about it anymore and hung up.
SIL and BIL were planning to stay with us for a few days, but are going home instead.
Conclusion
The holiday spirit took an unexpected nosedive as a family’s secrets and resentments boiled over. The ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ syndrome proves to be a costly habit, leaving relationships fractured and a Christmas gift tarnished.
Here’s how people reacted:
I mean the necklace has already been purchase. Who cares if SIL could have gotten a better deal now unless they expect you to return it so they can get something else. Your wife should be shutting her sister down on this kind of talk.
I would avoid them all tbh, too much drama and stress.
The real AH here is SIL. She seems to be jealous about your gift to your wife and tried to ruin it on purpose by telling your wife she could have gotten a better one for less money.
BIL feeling the duty to defend his wife no matter what she did is old fashioned at least, but probably didn’t warrant your initial reaction. However you apologized, so it doesn’t make you an AH.
If she’s not in the business, what makes he so sure she knows how much you paid? If she isn’t in the business, why would she assume she has access to prices you don’t have access to?
to send lots of pics to the sis. Nta.
Vomit.
It’s not a nicety to continuously brag about how you could have gotten a better deal. If she was genuinely trying to be nice, shed have told you(privately) that you should hit her up so she can help you get more bang for your buck the next time you want to get your wife jewelry. And then she should have made like Elsa and Let It Go!
By dragging it on, she’s trying to make your wife feel like you didnt do enough for her. Shes trying to shame you for not doing enough in her eyes. And, this is strictly based on assumptions, shes berating her husband indirectly for not doing enough for her.
First things first, congratulations on your promotion.
Next, SIL was out of line, and honestly, sounds like she was jealous that her husband didn’t get her anything as nice as a diamond necklace, and so she’s trying to shit on your present so that your wife would get upset because of the price and all (and it didn’t work, obviously). MIL is a bit of an AH as well for going on about it, but SIL is the major AH. For a present, it’s not the price of the present but the sentiment that matters. Your wife wouldn’t be as happy getting a diamond necklace or something from the sister at a lower price (putting aside the fact that I don’t think SIL will even give your wife a diamond necklace) as she would be when she gets a diamond necklace from you.
And BIL is out of line as well, and he can go F himself, like you said. If it’s his duty to defend his wife, then I think he can do it better by making sure that she doesn’t start arguments by being so nosy and pretentious. And them leaving instead of staying at your home sounds like the better outcome.