So my (28f) husband (31m) had to spend two months in a different state for work. He came back 9 days ago. I am obviously thrilled he’s back and I’ve missed him a lot. I was hoping we would be able to spend some time together just the two of us. However his mom (56f) came over when he was supposed to come home.
I was slightly annoyed but I know she was just excited for her son to be back. However she never left. Like I was prepared to deal with her being there for a day or two but no 9 days.
Because she’s been here for nine days we haven’t had a second of time together. She insists on staying here instead of a hotel. (For the record she lives an hour away.) the guest room is right next to ours and the walls are thin. When the two of us go out she comes with us.
Or makes one of us stay with her bc otherwise we would be “bad hosts”. She follows us around the house constantly. We want to cuddle and watch movies she’s sitting in the arm chair. We want to go to a romantic restaurant better make that a table for three.
We have even left her in the living room to go “chat” in our room and she follows us.
Earlier today I just asked her to leave. (Even though both us have been hinting that she needs to go.) She kept saying she wasn’t ready to go yet and wanted more time with her son. I tried telling her we wanted some alone time and she kept insisting that she join us.
Finally I snapped and said “Since you seem to be oblivious, I will put this bluntly. I want to fuck your son. If you don’t want to see or hear then you need to leave.” (Ik this isn’t the classiest response ever but I was frustrated.) Anyway she yelled at me but eventually left.
We finally got to have our “alone time.” But now she is blowing up both of our phones. She is saying that I am disgusting and have no respect for her, her son, or myself. She keeps telling my husband that he shouldn’t be with someone so crude and how dare he let me speak to her like that.
I’m sure you get the idea. Ik that what I said was really inappropriate so AITA?
Edit: after reading these comments I will definitely let my husband know he needs to step up. I agree that it should’ve been him who made her leave. I love him to death and want to be accommodating to his fear of making her angry (she’s nasty when she’s angry and will turn his whole family against him).
However he needs to set boundaries.
Conclusion
The wife’s bold move finally created the space she desperately needed, but it came at a cost. Now, with her mother-in-law’s fury unleashed, the fallout is just beginning. Will this shocking confrontation bring the couple closer or tear them apart? The drama is far from over!
Here’s how people reacted:
She needed to go home 9 days ago, after coming for dinner. She lives an hour away, not the other side of the world. There is zero reason for a healthy and sober person to stay in your home when theirs is only an hour away.
And your spouse was only out of town for 2 months. Does she normally see him every day?
Y’all should have told her to get out a week ago.
But since he seems incapable of standing up to his mother, NTA. But I’d address this with him and make sure you have a plan in the future for how *he* will lay down boundaries with her. His mom=his job to wrangle her.
NTA
You wanted the time with your husband after he was gone for awhile. That’s normal.
Your MIL was invading your space and your personal time as a couple. Visiting for a few hours is different than being in both of your faces for several days.
And the fact that she’s now blowing up your phones means that she doesn’t respect the time that you two do have together. Put your phone on airplane mode and wait to communicate with her, because she’s trying to dictate what you do and when you do it in your marriage.
I actually had to do this to my MIL once because she came to visit and after a month still had no plane ticket to go home (we lived in different countries at the time) and she wouldn’t give us a day where she would leave. I was sexually frustrated and regret nothing.
I woulda had sex anyways though. Who cares if she heard through the walls?? She invited herself into the home of a married couple who hadn’t seen each other in two months. She’s an adult, she knows what adults do.
If she couldn’t pick up the hints you don’t really have much more to say. I guess you could have been a bit more sly on saying it but I can’t imagine the frustration going on from everything happening where you would be able to explain to her what the issue is with her being there all the time.
IMO she is not that old to not get what you were laying down and my guess is you two are not close at all.
Honestly, why, why, why, why? I can see putting up with her being there when he got back. Even for a couple of days if you are SUUUUUPER NICE, but WTF!?!
NTA.
Good on ya! You sound like my wife.
What an entertaining tale.
You put up with her for as long as you could take.
If she can’t take hint, well you can only tell her straight.
This is giving me strong emotional incest vibes. Very reminiscent of the show “I love a mommas boy”. If true, you need to have a talk with your husband so he can set those boundaries firmly with MIL otherwise this will always be a problem until you go NC or divorce.
It maybe wasn’t the most mature way to deal with it but I also suspect your mil knew what she was interfering with, so NTA.
I suppose if it does happen again, maybe just plough ahead regardless of the thin walls and guest room next door… 😉
Edit: typos