AITA for telling my bil to f off after he called my son a girl for being in therapy?

A father’s worst nightmare unfolds when his son, still grieving the loss of his best friend, is publicly shamed by his uncle. The shocking confrontation left everyone stunned, but the real question is: who was in the right?

My (38m) 15 year old son has been in therapy for the past few months after his best friend died. It was very hard for him and while I’ve always been there to help him, my wife and I felt that having a therapist would be best. He seems to be making a lot of progress, so I know it’s working.

Unfortunately, my bil is a men shouldn’t express emotions kind of guy. I’ve always thought that was bs, so I made sure my wife and I were on the same page about not letting that happen.

Last night there was a family gathering. My son had just had his therapy session, so we picked him up and drove there. While we there, my son was telling me about something they talked about, and my bil must have overheard, because he started on a tangent about boys not needing therapy and calling him a girl.

I probably wouldn’t have reacted as much if my son hadn’t been there, by my son was visibly hurt by what he was saying.

I was pissed at him and told him to F off and that right now my son is more of a man than he is. I would have liked to say more, but I didn’t want to upset my son further. I admit that I might have gone a little too far, but I was defending my son. But I don’t think someone who shames someone else for being healthy while also being sexist is being a “man”.

My bil just glared at me and stormed out of the house. My wife told me that we were leaving so I got my son and we left. My son didn’t say much the rest of night, but my wife sure did. She was mad at me for doing that, and saying I disrespected her brother.

I tried to explain I was just defending my son from him, but she wouldn’t take it and is ignoring me.

I’m still mad over this. My son was shamed for expressing his emotions and then everyone gets mad at me for defending him. But all of their reactions are making me second guess myself and wondering if I’m the asshole. Aita?

Here’s how people reacted:

adjective-study

NTA Your BIL disrespected your child, who is going through something incredibly difficult at a young age. You did your job as a parent by standing up for him.

whatsmypassword73

LOL, NTA, we call out toxicity wherever we see it, especially when it involves children , even more when it’s family, and even more when it’s our child.
Your wife needs to pull herself together quickly and get some therapy to figure out why she’s willing to toss her child under the bus to appease a bully?

Iustthetip

NTA

Good dad, many dad points. I can’t say this enough GOOD DAD

You need to have a chat with wife though and get her head straight

Zabes55

You are a hero. Your BIL is TA. Sadly, your wife values her brother more than she values her son.

blackforestham3789

NTA. What’s wrong with your wife? She took her brother’s side over her son. Point that out and let her think on it because that’s as disgusting as her brother’s comment.

HeirOfRavenclaw

NTA. Your bil sure is, and kinda your wife too tbh.

Popular_Document1399

NTA. Your wife is an AH for making excuses for your BIL, and your BIL was completely out of line. When you and your wife both calm down, you make it very clear that unless your BIL treats your son with respect, you will not tolerate that behavior and even go NC with him. Your wife better get her head checked.

Logical_Block1507

NTA. That kind of toxic masculinity needs to be gone. I’m glad you stood up for your son, and I’m VERY glad he’s in therapy and responding well to it.

The only part that wasn’t cool was the “son is more of a man” part. Don’t get into comparing masculinity, it just feeds into the whole garbage.

97yardlongbean

NTA. You could have handled it better but I can forgive a parent defending their already hurting child. Your wife being mad that you “disrespected her brother” is off putting. I’d understand if she was upset that you didn’t maintain decorum, but the fact that she’s more concerned about her brother’s ego than her child is questionable.

TheLovelyOne422

NTA your wife should be in your side for standing up for your child. That whole men should be emotionless is the stupidest thing ever and so extremely damaging and sexist

SergemstrovigusNova

NTA Your son is a brave enough to get therapy.

You are wise enough to support.

Your wife is wise enough to support you or keep her mouth shut.

Her brother feels his manliness is reduced by his nephew going to therapy and has to proclaim how alpha he is by demeaning your son. He’s the only coward here.

Walktothebrook

NTA. You were right to defend your son! Wife owes you and son an apology.

SufficientComedian6

Nope NTA at all. Your wife is being one, she’s probably been raised in that toxic environment so is brainwashed to some degree to defend it even though she knows therapy is good for your son. Your BIL is horrible and I wouldn’t choose to be around him ever again. BIL owes the apology. Tell your wife she needs to be protecting her SON instead of protecting his abuser. I’m sorry. Give your son a hug from me.

SpendPsychological30

You know what a REAL man would have done? Defend his family. NTA. But I hate to say, your wife placing her brother before her son is.

JerrySchurr

NTA, your wife might be for putting her brother in front of her son.

Garamon7

NTA

OP, talk with your wife. Your son sees her reaction and he may believe that she is on BiL’s side – meaning: that BiL has a point. Ask her what she prefers: BiL being “disrecpected” or her son refusing to continue therapy?

Capable-Limit5249

NTA, obviously that’s your brother in law. I’m pretty concerned about your wife’s reaction here, you defended your child and that was absolutely the only thing you should have done. Does your wife think her brother should be allowed to belittle her own son? Red flag.

sliferra

I’m echoing a lot of people, but your wife needs help.

Protecting her brother over her child? Especially when her child is dealing with his best friend dying? Wtaf

RepulsiveDig9091

NTA

Tell your wife if she thinks you’re in the wrong for shutting down her brothers manliness talk.

As a woman, she needs to shut up and not interfere in men’s “talk.”

The above statement is meant to show the hypocrisy in her stance and how it’s detrimental to the social education of your child.

Snowybird60

NTA But your wife and her brother are major assholes.

Conclusion

In a shocking family feud, a father stands up for his son, leading to a dramatic fallout with his brother-in-law and wife. Did he go too far to defend his son, or was his anger justified? The ending will leave you speechless.