AITA for buying cutlery and only washing up my stuff?

You won’t believe the absolute nightmare this student faced in their shared university flat! With a kitchen coated in grime and a flatmate who thought ‘cleaning’ was a foreign concept, one student decided enough was enough. But did their clever solution to avoid the mess backfire spectacularly?

So here’s the deal, I’ve moved into a flat at my University with 4 other people. When I got there I decided to get my own plates, bowls and cutlery, that way I’d only need to wash my own stuff and not need to worry about washing anything else unless I use it.

It only took about 3 days before everything was a complete mess. Stuff that should be in the bin, is right next to it, food decorates the floor like rotten confetti, food clogs the sink, pots are all over the kitchen side and accompanying it is dry noodles, sauces and so on.

It’s absolutely vile and it makes me glad I have my own stuff.

Well one day one of my flatmates, the one who very obviously created the mess as I’ve seen him cut the food that is everywhere and throw parties in our kitchen and lounge even with restrictions, walks in to see me washing up my own pots, drying them off, putting them away and then going to walk out back to my room and he says “Aren’t you gonna clean everything else?” If you wanna know what everything else is, about 5 glasses, half of the cutlery in the flat, several pots with food in them, pizza trays from 2 days ago and so on.

I simply respond with “No, I cleaned my mess, you should do the same 3rd year.” He tells me that because I’m cleaning, I should clean everything and not just what mess I made. I blew up “So that’s how you got this far without washing a single pot, you just tell everyone else to clean it so you can throw another party and mess it up again.

For once, clean your own fucking mess, I’m sick of living in a place where I have to do the tango to avoid stepping on food that’s been on the floor for 4 days. It’s vile, clean up your act and clean up your own mess. This is exactly why I bought my own stuff.”

He told me that “the flat is all of ours so we all need to clean up after each other, that’s pretty selfish of you to buy your own pots just so you wouldn’t have to help clean our stuff.”

I walked out and slammed the door, when I came back a few hours later to get myself a meal, nothing had been cleaned, it was all just how I left it. The reason I know it’s him is 2 of my other flatmates I’ve actually seen clean things up, 1 of them even venting that the place is gross and how she refuses to clean someone else’s mess.

The last flatmate contributes to the mess but she only uses a few things rather than using everything to host a party and leaving everything out.

So AITA for getting my own stuff so I don’t have to clean up another persons mess? I’m debating on cleaning it all up and just printing out a sign saying “I cleaned this whole thing, fucking keep it that way.” But I’ll leave it to you to decide

Here’s how people reacted:

Twolegging

NTA. You are all grown adults. Your flatmate should clean up after himself. If you do it once, he will expect you to keep doing it. Keep doing what you’re doing. You’re NTA at all.

Mediocre_Omens

NTA. We had the same rule in my student flat. You use stuff, you wash it. You are not expected to wash someone else’s stuff. Only exception to this was if someone else cooked for multiple people, the people who are the food should be expected to was up.

That said, there always seems to be one flatmate who can’t wash up, for whatever reason.

lazy_cs

Definitely NTA.

When I was in uni we would generally clean up after ourselves. Occasionally we would do all the washing that was there BUT there was never an expectation to do so and the other parties were always grateful and thanked the washer.

Sounds like your flat mate has got a lot of growing up to do.

muhdoosh

NTA! Absolutely do not clean up their mess. I suggest talking to all 4 of them at once to bring up the mess – if it really is just one person, he’s gonna feel pressure from all of you telling him to pull his weight. Also he’s definitely an asshole for throwing parties if you guys still have Covid restrictions.

CompleteAlbatross5

NTA

With a communal kitchen the rule is: clean up after yourself! You need to arrange flatmates meeting where this is made explicit and agreed to by everyone.

usernaym44

INFO: have you all ever sat down and discussed how chores will get done in the apartment?

readinngredhead

NTA. I purposely bought gold cutlery and pink plates so I could always spot mine and didn’t have to clean up after others.

v2den

NTA obviously. You should also let your landlord knows because his behavior can cause infestations at your flat.

iron_annie

NTA but also lock up your stuff. Your roomie sounds like a salty lad who might try to use your clean stuff or items without permission out of spite. Absolutely do not clean up after them.

knezevicm96

NTA – That’s the basics of living with roomates. Everybody cleans up their own mess. Your roomate was just trying to trick you into cleaning up his mess too.

Tomatohead224

NTA ‘He told me that “the flat is all of ours so we all need to clean up after each other, that’s pretty selfish of you to buy your own pots just so you wouldn’t have to help clean our stuff.”!

LOL that’s rich coming from the guy who doesn’t help clean up!

kaggiest

NTA but you need to sit down and have a conversation with all of your flatmates about the mess and cleaning expectations, especially since you know at least 1 will agree with you. Don’t let him keep getting away with it and DON’T clean up his mess. It won’t stay clean and you’ll have showed him that if he just let’s it get bad enough, you’ll clean up after him.

Solibear1

NTA. I had this same frustration in 3rd year. I lived with one of my friends who I’d also lived with in 1st & 2nd year, and two girls in 2nd year who were friends with each other. One of the two 2nd year girls was just like your friend – not throwing parties, but basically using everything in the kitchen so we all had to clean up after her before we could do anything.

So one day, having reached the end of our tethers, my friend and I decided to play her at her own game. We decided to make a big roast dinner and use as much kitchen equipment as possible. Basically used everything and made a huge mess while we were at it, then left it.

When she came in, she had to clean up before she could use anything, and apparently she got the hint, because she never made such a mess again!

lagameuze

Nta! The audacity of your roomates wow

JoBenSab

NTA. I had a similar situation when I was in college with 6 roommates AND WE HAD A DISHWASHER. Shit hit the fan when I took the dirty dishes, boxed them up, and set them in the backyard. I didn’t care. We had bugs and I’m not their mommy.

babyerzek

NTA you clean up after yourself and keep your stuff in it’s place. why should you clean something you haven’t even contributed to, let alone made such a mess. it’s ironic that your roommate said that you all should clean after each other and YET the roommate never cleans up.

Avebury1

NTA.

I think that you should clean up after him.

Just get a big trash bag and put fill it up and put it in the trash (the plates, cutlery, glasses, pots and pans — everything).

Before doing it though, talk to the one roommate that cleans up after herself to see if she can get her own stuff. Then both of you can keep your stuff in your rooms.

When the slob complains, look at him and say “What is your problem? You told me to clean up after you, I did.”

If he wants glasses, plates and cutlery let him buy it. Absolutely do not buy any for him.

Doing it right before he throws a party would be the icing on the cake. Drag out the vacuum cleaner as soon as everyone arrives and turn it on.

Consider taking pictures of the way he leaves the apartment. If you can find a way to get both his parents cell phone numbers you can text them the pictures and ask “Has your son always been a slob or is this a newly acquired skill? Signed Inquiring Roommates.

QSoC1801

NTA, and definitely the best idea to get your own stuff to look after. Something else to consider, although it is a faff – I got into the habit of keeping all of my kitchen belongings (including food) in my own room, simply because I couldn’t trust some of my flatmates to not come home drunk and just grab any pan from a cupboard to use, and inevitable burn and leave…

8kijcj

So are you subject to flat inspections?

If so, you all need to work this out before one happens.

NTA but start talking and either work something out or move someone out.

Th3FakeFatSunny

NTA. You’re not their mother.

Conclusion

The ultimate showdown erupted in a shared kitchen, but did the clean freak win, or did the mess-maker get their way? The shocking truth about what happened next will leave you speechless. You’ll never guess how this university living saga concluded!