F (43), Mum (67) “Cathy” and friend (no idea but older than dirt) “Denise”. I am currently working 2 hours away from my home office and staying in a 3-bedroom apartment paid for by my employer. The apartment is 1 hour from my mum’s place, and somewhere she visits frequently.
My job is very stressful with long hours, so needless to say when I get home I want to chill out.
My mum asked if she could stay for one night. I, of course, said yes, as I love spending time with her, BUT she didn’t tell me she was bringing Denise, who I can’t stand. They have now stayed 3 nights.
They rocked up, Denise turned on the TV and said she had to watch a TV show she couldn’t miss. There was a TV in her room, but she wanted to watch it in the lounge on the big TV. My mum said that I should “go watch TV in my room.” Denise has taken over my apartment.
I can’t do what I want to do and feel uncomfortable and can’t relax.
Denise is not paying for any meals, as my mum ‘invited her on her holiday’. Denise has used my ensuite bathroom and left a mess, which I needed to clean.
Tonight, my mum said they would come back next week as she wants more time on her ‘holiday,’ and her friend agreed. I lost my shit and said this is not your holiday, and you’re not welcome back. I told them I didn’t want Denise here, and she is mooching off of me and my mum.
My mum is now upset and is calling me ungrateful and rude. I don’t think I am the asshole, but did I go too far?
Conclusion
The drama didn’t end there as the homeowner finally snapped, confronting their uninvited guests and leading to a dramatic fallout with their own mother. Was the outburst justified, or did the homeowner cross a line? The ending might surprise you, leaving everyone questioning who was truly in the wrong.
Here’s how people reacted:
What are they expecting you to be grateful for?
imo you did not go far enough.
i hope your employer does not find out.
he paid for the apartment so you could work undisturbed, could concentrate better. getting visited from one person for one night, ok, lets call it a bootie call.
but 2 persons for 3 days, increasing bills, prohibiting you from doing your work? you can’t relax, maybe make more mistakes, stupid mistakes you would never do otherwise thus costing your employer money?
ianal but depending on the laws where you live / work, it may not be a firing offense but a write up? almost guaranted.
Yes I’m feeling a little petty today. But well its your home and I understand how uncomfortable it gets when people barge into it. If you want to be truthful and upfront them just stand your ground and don’t let them make it their vacation home. You DESERVE rest and that is why the employer is paying for your housing.
I used to travel for work and my mum used to do this. “Oooh you’re in x city, I’ve always wanted to visit”, then she’d show up with suitcases expecting to share the hotel room work had booked for me. It wouldn’t have been so bad but she’d go down making outrageous demands of the hotel staff and complaints would go back to my work and I’d get in trouble as no-one was supposed to be staying with me (and especially not making a bad name of my company).
She just couldn’t get her head around that it was work for me, not a free holiday for her. And that her behaviour was risking my job.
I just stopped telling her where I was going and when so she couldn’t show up anymore as she just couldn’t accept I didn’t want her there. She thought that me solo travelling was awful and I must’ve been really lonely and she was doing me a favour coming along, as well as she wanted the free holiday.
Your mum sees herself as helping you out so no other way of framing it is going to stop her from coming or seeing you as ungrateful
After you put her and her friend up for days?
After she brought an uninvited guest which you accommodated anyway?
NTA but your mum certainly is here (sorry).
She’s been way too generous with YOUR space, time and probably money.
If she wants her friend to have a holiday and to foot the bill she can get a hotel or let her stay in her own house.