This encounter proves that some people never change, and the consequences of their actions can be devastating, especially for the younger generation.
My husband and I went to school together, and his sister, “Mary” was a few years above us. Mary was a horrible bully who practically ran the school and made life hell for a lot of girls. It was serious enough that my husband later told me that their parents had to pay teachers and victim’s parents a lot of money to keep quiet.
Mary has done quite well for herself since school. She owns a quite big insurance firm which makes her a lot of money. She isn’t a particularly nice person now but I’ve always tolerated her for my husband’s sake.
Mary came by yesterday to speak to my husband about something. She is very stylish and is always dressed in that immaculate chic style. She wore heels, but as always took them off at our door because we have a shoes off rule.
We have a 15 year old daughter, “Anna” who is also going through a fashion phase. When Mary was starting to head off we saw her in the hallway trying on Mary’s designer heels. Mary demanded she remove them and Anna immediately did and said sorry.
I told Anna she shouldn’t try on people’s things without asking but Mary said a lot more. She started shouting “Who the F do you think you are?” and berated Anna for a good few minutes, including saying Anna “shouldn’t touch what she couldn’t afford”.
Anna burst into tears and ran upstairs.
What Anna did was not right, but Mary did not need to cruelly berate her to tears like that. I said to Mary that what she said was disgusting and that she obviously hasn’t changed since the days she tormented people at school. Mary put her shoes back on and left.
My husband said the school comment was too far. I don’t think it was. I understand why Mary was so angry. She’s always been very protective over her precious clothes and those shoes were not cheap at all. But even so, Anna took them off immediately and apologised.
She used a teenage girl’s silliness as an excuse to bully and intimidate her. She is a disgusting person and I’m sick of my husband making excuses for her.
AITA?
Conclusion
Did the former bully finally get her comeuppance, or did the victim’s family let her off too easily? The story ends with a powerful question about accountability and the lasting impact of past traumas.
Find out if the tables turned on the bully, and whether this incident will finally make the husband see his sister for who she truly is.
Here’s how people reacted:
Absolutely TA for letting it get that far. How do you let someone abuse your child like that in your presence? How did she get more than one sentence into that rant without you shouting her down and telling her that under no circumstances will she speak to your daughter like that?
Do better.
Mary clearly was an AH for unloading on your daughter like that.
You and your husband on the other hand LET her berate your daughter.
Your daughter is 15 and still touches other peoples stuff without asking first? Apparently there is still a need for parenting and guidance here. Which is also on you.
Anna- she’s 15 not 7. She knows better. Also, has she never met your SIL? What did she think was going to happen?
Sil- people don’t really change…they can try to behave better though, and she clearly doesn’t try.
OP- the good couple of minutes wait to stop the verbal abuse. You could have immediately sent Anna away from the horrible SIL.
Husband- really? Standing up for a bully? Play stupid games get stupid prizes. What did he expect you to do when SIL screamed at his kid like that?
I stand by my judgement, everybody sucks.
Anna’s phase doesn’t excuse her behavior, and she’s old enough to know that’s not good behavior. You/husband should have taught her that by now.
You/your husband for letting a grown woman scream at your daughter for minutes and only _after_ the damage is done trying to “stick up for her”. Also potentially for not teaching your daughter to respect others’ things.
Mary for overreacting. Unless she damaged the shoes, an apology and stern reprimand should have been enough. The comments she made were actually bullying tactics, and I could understand why you related it back.
The school comment wasn’t relevant or helpful. Focus on the issue at hand – tell Mary that Anna had apologised, reassure it won’t happen again and tell her she’s crossed the line.
You told the truth, and Mary had no place interfering when you were already addressing it.
Tell your husband that his sister is no longer welcome at your house until she offers your daughter an apology.
What you said to the bully was fine, you just said it too late.
Personally I would ban this woman from my home and if your husband objects he can join her.
No, Mary hasn’t changed, but guess what? Neither have you. You *let* her abuse your child. You allowed it to happen, and so did your husband. Your teenager still touches things that don’t belong to them at almost driving age, which shows a lack of discipline and boundaries, and then you allowed her to be verbally abused. I don’t care if your brain froze up and you couldn’t think of anything to say, you know what you could’ve done? Spun your daughter around and frog-marched her to her room. Opened the front door and shoved Mary out. Pretty much anything would’ve been better.
1. You and your husband need a deep discussion on next steps. You need to be in agreement.
2. Consider banning Mary from your home completely unless and until there are two apologies – one to you and your husband for disrespecting your home and your family; two to Anna for her inappropriate and bullying behavior and her word that it will not happen again.
Once you come to your agreement, share it with your daughter. Apologize for not acting faster in the moment and get her input on the apology she wants/needs from her Aunt.
Be prepared that apologies are unlikely. As a teen her parents bought her way out of consequences.
Yeah, the aunt is a jerk, but the girls freaking 15.