Two weeks ago, I got invited to a baby shower from a friend who I haven’t seen in years. She moved to another state, but had apparently moved back and now is having her baby shower here. I was so excited since I haven’t seen her in so long. She started a group chat with all the mutuals she invited.

She did disclose that this was gonna be a quick and small one since she had just found out she was pregnant when she was 35 weeks with an induction scheduled on her 37th week.

We all started volunteering to be responsible for different things for the baby shower. I said I’ll cook Filipino food and help pay for some of the decor. I sent money to the friend who was in charge of decorating. I asked the mom-to-be how many people were invited besides the ladies in the group chat.

She told me 15. There’s 10 of us in the group chat including me, so I thought I’d cook for 50 people to be on the safe side, just in case she invited a few more. I started shopping for ingredients for the lumpia, pancit, chicken adobo, rice, and a grazing table.

I started prepping and coordinating with the decor lady. We figured out where we wanted the food and grazing table and told the mom-to-be. She approved.

Now, the day before her baby shower, I spent the WHOLE day cooking. I took the day off (I only work part-time since I’m the primary caretaker for my baby while my man works). Mind you, I had to arrange for my MIL to watch my baby while I did all the cooking and for me to go to the baby shower.

I didn’t want to bring my baby since I would be busy with the catering. It was by luck she was off those days.

Then the night before the baby shower, she DM’d me on Instagram that she had to ‘make some hard decisions’ and had to uninvite me but still ‘wanted’ me to drop off the food. I told her I understood and respected her decision, but I would NOT be dropping off the food.

She asked me why, and I told her it wouldn’t make any sense for me to drive 75 minutes to drop off food to an event I’m no longer invited to. That the ONLY reason I volunteered to do what I said was because I was invited. She asked me how she was gonna find someone to cater on such short notice.

That it was f’ed up and hateful.

A few friends sided with her while most sided with me. I want to know from a stranger’s perspective if I’m the a-hole?

EDIT: 1 – I don’t know the full story about her pregnancy. She told me that she went to an OB checkup because her period was unusually heavy and long. They found out she was 35 weeks pregnant and was having complications, which is why they scheduled an induction.

2 – I’ve already sent the screenshots of the DMs to the 10 mutuals. THREE out of the 10 sided with her, which prompted me to post this because maybe I’m missing something. I was being told that I should’ve been ‘an actual friend.’ That I should’ve been the bigger person.

That she was going through a rough time with her pregnancy.

3 – The mom-to-be never disclosed to me why she had to make a hard decision and why I was uninvited. The whole point of us 10 volunteering was to take off the burden off her shoulders. Our mutual friend who was the decor lady was the first one to reach out to me about me not being there since she and I coordinated where the food was going to be at.

She’s also the one that told me that the mom-to-be was telling her and other people that I got my feelings hurt, which is why I didn’t want to come. She didn’t tell them what hurt my feelings, or how, or when. I was too worn out from prepping and cooking to fire back.

I took the peaceful route. I didn’t ask for the money I spent on the decor – my gift, I guess.

4 – I donated all the food to the women’s and children’s shelter. I figured they’re more deserving. I cook Filipino food all the time, plus I got a freezer stash of lumpia.