About a month ago, my family decided our Christmas plans. We are going to exchange and open presents with all the kids at our parents house on Christmas Eve and spend Christmas day with our individual families (my brother with his wife a kids at his house, etc…).
Because of this, I told my job I’d be willing to work the 26-31st. In response, my boss said I could make double overtime, since no one wants to work that time.
My brother (55) calls me (41) last night ask if we could move Christmas at my parents to Saturday the 29th. Apparently his wife scored some free tix to Disneyland and they’re going on Christmas eve. His wife wants us to spend the whole day on Saturday the 29th cooking as a family, hanging out, and playing games.
He said “we could take advantage of the after Christmas sales for presents” to try to sell it to me. I said “sorry I told my job I’d work. I’m more than happy to join you all around 6pm. But I can’t do an all day family thing.”
He blew up. He said I’m being selfish bc I care more about making money than family. I said I didn’t mind it being moved, but he has to understand I already made plans because we were originally doing this on Christmas Eve and I’ve already asked for that day off.
Since he’s the one who’s moving things around, he has to be flexible, not me. I’m 100% willing to do Christmas on Saturday, but just after my work is over. No, for him it’s all all day family day or nothing. (Of course, if I end up not showing up I’ll get shit from my parents.)
Of course he did not agree. He doesn’t understand why I can’t spend the whole day with the family and just not go to work. Or move the work day to Christmas Eve. My job actually decided not to be open that day bc everyone wanted it off. So I couldn’t switch as he suggested.
I keep trying to explain that other people at my job have already made plans to be off Saturday because I said I was going in, and I’m literally going to be the only one at work those days. He called me a spoiled brat and hung up.
Am I being the asshole here? I don’t mind celebrating later. But I do mind being expected to re-arrange my schedule because they want to go to Disneyland for free. I mind being painted as the bad guy because I have boundaries. I mind that we are both too damn old to be having this kind of issue in the first place.
UPDATE: Thanks everyone for your support. I really wasn’t sure if I was being unreasonable or not. Just FYI my bro convinced my parents and my sister that I was being completely unreasonable. The big family Christmas will be Saturday morning (when I’m working).
I dropped my gifts for my family and the kids off at my parents house yesterday and was told this. I told them I hope they have fun and Merry Christmas. I meant that sincerely. They’re not going to change and I’m tired of defending myself.
The good news is because I’m working that weekend, my boss giving me rest of the week off PAID double OT bc the building will be closed for some light renovations until Jan 2nd! Score!
Conclusion
In the end, the family celebration went on without him, proving that sometimes, sticking to your guns means missing out on the festivities. But as he secured a sweet deal with double overtime pay, he proved that his decisions had their own rewards. Was the sacrifice worth it in the end?
Here’s how people reacted:
And unfortunately, when people are this unreasonable and egocentric, it gets worse, not better the more people are in the mix.
You accommodated the original plan. You are trying to mitigate the change in a reasonable way. He is definitely being the asshole.
And as a side note: it sounds like maybe you don’t have kids. I think it’s always worse when you don’t have kids because people assume you have all the free time and money in the world and should accommodate them “because kids”.
They made plans for the 24th you made a schedule around that and then changed the date to the 29th and are surprised you have already planned other things that can’t be cancelled
Your brother is definitely TA and honestly so is the rest of your family if they move Christmas for you brother knowing you can’t make it. They can’t just choose one child like that. It’s his fault and he should be the one to have to compromise
the “spoiled brat” comment sounds like someone is projecting….
If he can’t stick to the original plans, he can’t get upset when people can’t make the sudden changes (especially this close to Christmas when everyone already has their schedules figured out).
Families man.. I got nothing for ya honey but he needs to sit the fuck down.
1. Brother tries to move pre-determined Christmas festivities bc WiFeY wAnTs DiSnEyLaNd. Is not selfish.
2. OP tries to compromise as there are other commitments that have been made that cannot be backed out of. Wicked selfish.
NTA, but can other siblings/parents weigh in and let brother know what a rigid, selfish ass he’s being?
Your brother is being a bit of a d*ck
So you guys made plans. Your brother decided to be *selfish spoiled brat,* buy Disneyland tickets on those dates and expect everyone else to drop everything to revolve around his plans?