I F33 lost my husband in an accident, and he passed away shortly after he arrived at the hospital. We have two girls, who are 9 and 5, and it’s been very devastating and very difficult to be taking care of them while going through these tough times. My mom would help a lot, and I’m so thankful for that.
My in-laws have been keeping to themselves, but my brother-in-law would visit often to see the girls. He has always wanted kids on his own but hasn’t been able to because his wife has medical issues. He treats my girls well and has been generous but treats me poorly and makes comments and criticizes my parenting often.
He implied he wanted to be their guardian, but I told him no.
He started demanding I bring the girls over to my in-laws’ house and would get upset when I told him I have work. He’d claim I’m clearly not taking care of the girls and don’t fit to be a single parent. We got into a huge argument after I told him I no longer will be welcoming him into my house because of his behavior, and he then reported me to CPS after I refused to let him into my house.
He claimed that I’m not taking good care of my girls, am refusing to let them see their grandparents, and am busy with work and other things I don’t know about.
I had to deal with CPS once, and then after they did a surprise visit, and thank goodness it went well, although I was told to deal with some issues that are normal in every family. I told my in-laws about what my brother-in-law did, but they didn’t do anything.
His wife was the one who told me eventually.
It’s been over a month now. My in-laws are calling to tell me that I should let my brother see the girls after I told them that only they could see my girls. I refused to let him see the girls after what he did and the disrespect he’s shown, but my in-laws are pressuring me, saying these are their granddaughters and I have no right to act like this just out of spite.
Edit to say that the issues I’m dealing with are trying to balance my working hours with the time I spend with the girls. I have my mom either come over or take them to her house so I could pick them up after I get off work. Another thing is therapy, and my girls are currently in therapy.
I’m trying to take it slow, but it’s just so overwhelming, and then to have to deal with my brother-in-law’s behavior is just a lot for me, and there isn’t anything more I want than to spend time with my girls, but I have to work since no one is willing to help with anything.
I’m not the person who feels comfortable asking for help, so I do all I can.
My brother-in-law says he wants to see the girls because it’s been a while since he saw them and he misses them a lot, but I don’t want him around after what he did. I can’t even look at him after this; he made my grief worse, and I won’t be able to forgive him soon.
Conclusion
In a twist no one saw coming, the fight for family custody takes a devastating turn, leaving one mother questioning everything she thought she knew. Will she find peace, or is this just the beginning of a long and arduous battle? The heartwarming story of resilience and protection ends with a shocking revelation that will leave you breathless.
Here’s how people reacted:
See a lawyer. Have a plan for the next time they call CPS on you. IF you want to see these grieving yet unsupportive in laws, have a couple of witnesses with you. You might need them. Consider visits in a neutral setting. Your house is YOUR house. Keep it safe
I’m so sorry for your loss. I know this must be difficult and I wish you the best.
I know it’s hard with everything you’re going thru, but you need to take some time to consult a family law attorney. An unfounded call to CPS by a family member is akin to a nuclear strike. Is there anything else, besides your children, such as assets that your BIL thinks should be ‘kept in the family’ that he would want to control? Was your husband the eldest son or is your BIL the eldest son? What would happen if your inlaws join with your BIL to exert control? Even if there aren’t significant assets, it would also be wise to sit down with a financial adviser–you’d be surprised at how stupid people get when someone is drawing SS survivor benefits. At the very least, move your bank accounts to a different bank in order to cut down on the possibility of a family member snooping and password protect the girls’ and your medical records. All IL visits now take place at your house as you see fit, avoid a set schedule in order to decrease the possibility of a grandparent rights case. Look at the extended inlaw family–is there anyone in a position to mess in your business?
You got this, mama bear.
First, I am truly sorry for your loss.
Second, OMG! The audacity and entitlement your BIL is showing is absolutely mind-boggling. You and your children are grieving right now, and you are also having to shift to being a single, working mom. I have no idea the mental gymnastics your BIL 8s going through to think that ripping your girls away from their remaining parent to go live with their aunt and uncle is a good idea.
After filing a false report to CPS, slandering you to do so, and then acting as if you are the selfish and spiteful one when you make the RATIONAL decision to stop any and all contact he has with your children, he ABSOLUTELY does not deserve to be anywhere near your children.
I would also recommend you consult with a lawyer, in case your BIL decides to try again to steal your children from you. Based on the response from your in-laws and BIL, I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried something else toward that end.
Your BIL intentionally and repeatedly harmed your daughters and has given no indication that he is aware of the damage he did to them nor has he promised to stop hurting them.
You are protecting your kids by shielding them from this (at a minimum emotionally) abusive person. Explain that to your in-laws so they understand that you are very serious about your daughters having emotionally healthy relationships and that you will remove influences in their lives that are counter to that.
Your BIL just attempted to use CPS to get your children remove storm your house and possibly take them from you. He lost all privledge w that stunt and needs to take his desire to be a father on kids who need one and stop fixating on your kids. I wouldn’t let him anywhere near them again.
Dude destroyed the harmony in your home. You don’t come back from that. Continue keeping him away from your children.
I’m on your side, here. Just trying to make sense of what you were told you had to deal with, and why BIL is acting the way he is.
Continue to invite your in-laws to see your children but switch to text rather than phone calls. The reason for this is that you will then have proof that you have offered to allow them to see your grandchildren, as long as crazy obsessed BIL isn’t around, and they’ve declined because they want BIL to see them despite him trying to legally steal your children from you. Every time they decline *save it*. If they try the grandparents’ rights route you can show the court “hey I offered to let them see my kids without BIL present and they turned me down.” Most GPR laws state that *you* have to be the one to cut off visits, if they do it then they’re SOL and have no standing because its their fault.
Check out r/JUSTNOFAMILY and r/JUSTNOMIL
Me, my bro, and my sis are all children who suffered a lot of neglect. Our childhood home resembled the worst of anything on Hoarders. My bro is raising my niece with our Mother who has continued to live in basically squallor. My sister is a social worker and mandated reporter. CPS has been called on them. Initially my bro was betrayed and angry, but while there’s still tension, he’s realized his daughter shouldn’t be raised as we were.
There could be good reason your BIL called, there may not be, it’s hard to be impartial with your kids.