Our friend group is made up of 6 people: Me (M33), A (M34), J (M35), K (M33), E (M34), and V (M35). We met each other during a work event and connected instantly, and each of us has a SO. V has been with his GF for 3 years, and we have been friends since uni.
Ever since then, we have a “guys-night” once every 3 months (4 times a year), and every time we get together, V keeps bringing his GF, and it just became awkward. She would follow him everywhere; she even tried to follow him into the men’s toilet. We are unable to go to restaurants because she keeps causing drama.
An example of this is when V left his phone on a table at a restaurant. The waiter tapped V on the shoulder and returned the phone, and V thanked her. His GF poured water on the waiter and accused her of hitting on V. The manager banned her. That is just one of the times she acted out.
Me, A, J, and K had enough. We held an intervention and asked him why he keeps bringing her and that we had enough. He wasn’t able to give us a proper answer, saying that she keeps inviting herself to these events. Soon, she was invited into our group chats and our annual camping trip.
Now, because Melbourne is in lockdown, we had a few online movie sessions, and she would show up and complain about the choice of movie. We had enough; every time she shows up, there is an issue: the choice of movie, the type of food served, or the weather.
Me, A, J, and K told V to grow a pair and tell her enough is enough. He refused to do so, saying this is him proving his love for her. So, Me, A, J, and K decided that until he had a proper sit-down and talked things through with her, we would not invite him to any of our events.
He and his GF called us assholes, while our SOs also agreed with them.
Edit: Judging by how many people are asking about why we only meet 4 times a year. I just need to clarify that we see each other a lot due to working together at the same office. We only meet 4 times for guys-night, which is supposed to be just us 6, not our GFs or other co-workers.
Just needed to clarify that. And HUGE THANKS to everyone who rewarded this post.
Conclusion
The guys stood their ground, but V and his girlfriend fired back with accusations, and even their partners sided against them. Will this drastic measure force V to finally see the light, or has this friendship reached its breaking point?
Here’s how people reacted:
I mean you guys are entitled to a guys night without being pestered by this GF.
If the dude won’t stop bringing her, because she is a super jealous type, and/or controling, you are well within your rights to say “you’re out until you figure this out”.
He may really want time with you guys but it doesn’t seem like it is his choice.
Your best bet is to be there for him whilst also (very slowly!!!!) dripping information in about abusive relationships and giving him an open platform to speak to you about it when he can.
Most likely he has no control over his own contact or who he sees and where and when – this is most likely much worse due to lockdown now.
Try your hardest to get a one on one meeting with him (say you need to discuss something really personal and only want to speak with him) and hopefully she will leave you guys meet alone for a brief time and during that just let him know you’re concerned for him. Do not get angry or accusatory because, depending on how far gone he is with the abuse and control from her, he might become very defensive and end up being banned from seeing you.
Ask your wife how she’d feel if you started inviting yourself to every single one of her friends get togethers.
That you’ll complain about where they go to eat, where they go to for entertainment, which spa they’ll go to.
If you’re as close as you say you are, you should have a chat with him about the way she behaves. It doesn’t sound healthy in the slightest and the fact he feels he has to ‘prove’ his love for her is worrying too. Even if you stop inviting him, please still reach out- he sounds like he could be being emotionally abused by her.
Edit: Spelling
But, of course, NTA for the situation. This person who assaults waitstaff and gets you kicked out of restaurants sounds like a ridiculous nightmare.
Your friend is being abused, plain and simple. If his GF is doing all the nasty things in public, imagine what she is doing to him in private.
Don’t invite him to your “guys-nights” but keep communicating with him. Have as many “Are you OK, dude?” (without her presence) conversations as needed.
You don’t have to make a “thing” about it. Just stop inviting him. Plain and simple. However, when he breaks up with her eventually don’t make it a big deal when he wants to hang out again. Just let him slide back in. He will know he F’d up, no need to speak about it.
My guess is, he is probably a bit insecure himself. So when he found a chick that was “all about” him he was flattered. By the time he realized she was a “stage 5 clinger” it was too late. He doesn’t have the balls to stand up for himself. So when it ends, it’s gonna end badly and messy. He will need his friends.
Bringing her to boys night is not how you profess your love for your gf, it’s how you torture a her (if she was normal)
I’m a chick, and there is no way in hell I would gatecrash boys night constantly and try dictate what happens on the night. Your mate needs to grow a pair and realise his gf is 2 cans short of a 6 pack. NTA