AITA for wearing the same color as the bride as a wedding harpist and not changing?

A young harpist agreed to play at a wedding, a seemingly straightforward gig for a family friend. Little did she know, this event would turn into a fashion fiasco and a financial nightmare. The day took an unexpected turn when a last-minute demand threatened to derail everything, leaving the musician in a tight spot.

So I (f18) was asked to play the harp at a friend of my fathers wedding. Normally, I would ask for payment beforehand, but since it was a family friend, they asked if they could just pay me at the reception and I told them yes. The dates worked out for me, and it was set in a church about 1 hour from my house.

I showed the dress I planned to wear to the bride when we went over the music she wanted and at the rehearsal, but only on a hanger. It looks like it would be ugly on a hanger, as it’s just navy blue with long sleeves and floor length, but it’s surprisingly pretty.

I got to the venue about 4 hours early, so my harp would have time to acclimate to the room. When I got there, the brides mother came to give me my corsage, and when she saw me, she demanded I change my dress. I laughed because I’ve known her for years, and then realized she wasn’t joking.

I asked what was wrong with it and she said that the bride went with a non traditional dress that was also navy blue. I panicked a little, because this is her wedding and I felt really bad, but she and her groom had approved it twice. I told the mother, and she asked if I had any other color I could change into.

I don’t bring extra dresses unless my dress somehow doesn’t get approved beforehand, so I didn’t. She then told me to go to the bridal shop 20 minutes away, and buy a new dress. I refused, because those dresses would cost about what I was getting paid for this wedding, and I told her I couldn’t afford it.

I felt bad, but she begrudgingly walked away.

The actual wedding went smoothly, and after everyone else had left the church and congratulated the bride, I stopped to talk to her. I explained what the mother in law said, and she said that it was fine and that they weren’t thinking when they approved my dress.

At the reception, when I talked for he mother in law about payment, she refused to pay me. I didn’t want to cause a scene, but the bride came over and heard us talking.

This time, she was also upset with me and also refused to pay me. I didn’t know what to do. As my parents were busy and couldn’t attend this wedding, I didn’t have anyone there to back me up. A lot of people assume harpists come from a lot of money because of how expensive harps are, but I’ve been renting a harp since 4th grade, and when my teacher passed, we bought it for an amazing deal.

I also charge a lot less than most musicians would, but I have a college payment due in a few days and I can’t afford it. I got my parents involved when I got home, and my dad talked to his friend (the father of the groom) who was there when they approved the dress, and he got the payment to me.

I still feel really bad, but I don’t think there was anything I could have done. Should I have just sucked it up and bought a new dress? AITA?

Here’s how people reacted:

82llewkram

NTA. You had it approved twice and the bride was okay with it. Glad your parents backed you and you got paid.

Fatal_axecident

NTA – This was a business transaction and you held up your end of the deal. The dress was approved (twice). They had no reason to refuse payment.

Creepy_Meringue3014

Girl no, they just wanted to stiff you. You did every t you were supposed to. In future, invoice clients and keep electronic records in case things escalate in ways you cannot mitigate via fatherly intervention.

nta

Bringintheclowns1

NTA

In future get prepayment for your services because this will not be the first shakedown you encounter by people trying to get your talent without payment.

Honestly – if brides choose a non-traditional colour aside from white/ivory chance are that someone will be wearing the colour of their dress. That’s not anyone else’s problem aside from the bride if it’s not explicitly been discussed with the guests.

shodwill

NTA. I’m going to say this may have been setup in advance so they wouldn’t have to pay you. They may have thought you were a friend of the family and you should have done it for free. After all the bride was cool until it came time to pay. Lesson learned for you, get at least half as a deposit for EVERYONE.

DogsReadingBooks

NTA. The couple approved your dress. What the heck were you supposed to think?

Prestigious-Pick-308

NTA. You actually went above and beyond by showing the bride and groom your dress ahead of time—unless that was part of the agreement for your harp playing, it wasn’t necessary. On top of that, they said your dress was fine. They don’t get to then demand that you wear something different on the day of the event without paying for the new dress. They also don’t get to refuse to pay you for your services just because they didn’t like the dress that they told you was fine to wear. Great job getting a parent involved to make sure you got paid!

YeeHawMiMaw

NTA at all. It was unreasonable to ask at the last minute, and the bride is a little wacky for changing her mind between the ceremony and reception. Her failure to notify you when she chose her dress after approving yours was not your problem.

PS thanks for your story – I learned that harps have to get acclimated to a room. I never knew that and find it fascinating. Does the room change affect the strings or the frame of the harp?

Cupcake2die4

NTA, sounds to me like MIL made the dress an issue so it became one. As for payment, they are the AH. This was a transaction. Next time stick to payment upfront, no matter who they are.

Mamertine

NTA

Next time you play a wedding, get a contract. Have them sign it. You don’t need a fancy one with by a lawyer, it will just say you agree to play the wedding of [client] on [date and time] at [location], for the fee of [dollars], money is due by [date]. Don’t mention your clothing in it, the contract is your guarantee that you’ll get paid timely. Don’t give the client any way to say you didn’t hold up your end of the contract.

Then if they don’t pay, you send them a copy of the contract to remind them. If they refuse again you sue them in small claims court. Most courts have assistance to help you fill out the paperwork.

Fwiw, I have a musician friend who learned the hard way you have a contract in place before you agree. A lot of people don’t value the musician as a professional and feel it’s okay to not pay them. Without the written contract it’s a he said she said argument in court.

Charlotte-Taskin

NTA. They approved it beforehand right? They’re TA for refusing to pay as promised

This_Performance_426

NTA. The dress was approved twice, and she changed her mind day of? And then refused to pay you? No. They tried to take advantage of you and picked a shitty reason why they wouldn’t pay you.

Carikos

NTA, it almost feels like this was a set up to get out of paying. Which is a heinous thing to do to anyone but especially to someone your age who is just starting out. The dress was approved by the bride and she had plenty of time to tell you that your dress was the same color.

SiroccoDream

NTA, but you need to make some changes to your business practices to avoid this in the future.

If you don’t have a standard written contact, get one, or tailor one on a legal assistance site. Add a wardrobe approval paragraph that a client has to initial beside, so clients can’t weasel out of paying later because they don’t like your dress.

Also, make it your new habit to always bring an extra dress to a performance. Not only will it give you back up in case of another pushy broad complaining, it’s nice to have a spare, in case the first suffers a mishap.

Good luck on your future endeavors!

sergeantmunch

NTA

PopcornandComments

Why should you feel bad?? These people are 100% at fault here! For taking advantage of you, for not paying you up front, then refusal payment after service, on top of that, forced you to buy another dress when they pre-approve the one you were wearing! NTA

NothingButMuser

NTA, in future send them an invoice with an increasing rate of interest after x amount of time passing, have a paper trail. You were hired for a service, payment is expected – it’s a shit excuse to save some money and try to take advantage of you.

Also call them out publicly if you wanna be really petty!

Dusty_mother

NTA. She forgot she wasn’t wearing white? Fucking really the BRIDE FORGOT WHAT SHE WAS WEARING. that’s not your fault. You deserve full payment. I would be putting them on full blast. In the future make sure you get signed contracts. People like to forget their friends when there’s money involved.

TheDuchess5939

NTA. Put them on blast.

Otherwise-Shine7752

DO NOT FEEL BAD, these people were disorganized and unprofessional af. One minute they’re ok with the dress, next you need to buy a new one last minute. Then you’re supposed to get paid, but now they don’t want to for unexplained reasons.

NTA and let this be a lesson to you. Make sure you always get paid upfront, even if it’s family. They tried to take advantage of you knowing there would be no one else to vouch for you. They are AH, not you

Conclusion

In a shocking turn of events, what started as a simple wedding performance escalated into a dramatic confrontation over payment and a dress code. The musician found herself at the center of a dispute, facing a crisis that tested her resolve and highlighted the unexpected challenges of performing at special events. The resolution, however, proved that sometimes, family connections and a little persistence are all you need to get what you’re owed.