An overnight visit to your family’s home (over her objections as well) is very different from her family coming to visit for a few hours. You can easily imagine how your equivalency argument would be perceived by a judge if it got to that point.

The more reasonable compromise was to invite your family over to a porch visit, for which you’d prepare all snacks etc, and give your wife notice so she can plan to (a) stay inside, (b) be elsewhere, or (c) join in on the visit. You have equal say in who is invited onto the property. That would have been a more defensible “compromise” than taking the infant out of the home overnight and away from the mother. YTA

Edit: NTA

As a woman, and a mother, I totally get not wanting to host guests after birth. I could also understand if she had covid concerns and wanted to avoid visitors until the baby’s immune system has had a chance to build up. But I think your position/solution was completely fair, given that she has her own family as do-nothing visitors. You did not ‘kidnap’ your son – you each are allowed to take him places, she could have come along with you, and you told her exactly what you were doing and where you were going. No subterfuge involved. She may well need to see a doctor about PPD. Her stance on who can see the baby and when is not consistent or fair.

But…

The reason I’m going with INFO instead of n-t-a is that I want to check that we’re getting the whole picture here. How was your wife’s relationship with your folks before the pregnancy? Has she been under pressure from anyone on your side of the family (besides you) to allow visitors? If your wife has been rejected or disrespected by your family in the past, that would put a slightly different spin on things.

NTA – in the words of Judge Judy “Dad’s are not second class citizens.” and “A father has no less rights to a child.”

He is also your child. That wasn’t kidnapping, that was a parent taking their own child to see their family. You gave her a perfectly reasonable decison: join or not. Completely her decision and she chose not.

You’re right, she needs to be assessed.

INFO: What aren’t you telling us here? I find it very hard to believe that your wife just refuses a short drop in visit from inlaws.

Do they tend to turn their noses down at your house, or judge the way she does things? Do they overstay their welcome? Do they treat you like a mama’s boy and her like the devil?

The way you wrote it paints a fairly clear picture. but I highly doubt this is all the information we need.

NTA and saying that she gets more say because she was pregnant with him is idiotic tbh. Shes obviously the one who was pregnant because of biology, but being parents require both of you.

EDIT: Removed part about Doctor comment

NTA. I’m honestly surprised by how many y.t.a.s you’re getting. You’re not kidnapping this baby out of nowhere, with no notice, no attempt at compromise or reason, and taking him away for weeks, with no supplies, to strangers! You’re the FATHER, trying to introduce your child to your FAMILY, who your wife already knows very well. You packed everything the baby needs. You told her with plenty of time in advance to go with you, and asked her to. You gave her EVERY SINGLE CHANCE to come along or have them come here! What the actual fuck are you supposed to do??? Just accept that your own family will never meet your child because your wife has more control over that because she’s the one who birthed him?! That’s absolutely crackerjacks.

ESH. If it was an afternoon visit I would have said NTA but being gone overnight/for a few days makes you suck too. Only 5 weeks post partum and being without her child against her will is not okay. Your family not meeting the baby is not equivalent to you taking the baby away from it’s parent. There is no indication in your post that she ever took the baby away from you, so what you did is worse.

INFO -was it necessary to spend the night at your family’s place? Like do they live far enough away that if they came to visit you they’d be wanting to spend the night? Because having someone stay overnight is very different from someone staying for a few hours.

There are a few things to consider. As the dad you should definitely get a say in your child’s life and if your parry have done nothing to warrant your wives refusal then that is a choice you should definitely have a say it.

However… taking the baby for more than a few hours when it sounds like your wife is struggling could seriously upset her more. Sje might ne worried now that you will take the kid at anytime She if there is a solution where you can respect and care for your wife as well as including your family. Can you meet out, halve way between your homes of something ?

My ex did this a month after our daughter was born basically told me he was going and taking our daughter no matter what I said or thought or felt. We’re divorced now. Good luck.

I don’t know if I have a judgement for you because this post probably doesn’t even have any business being on this sub, but I will say it’s super strange to me that you view her family coming over as some sort of social time with your son as opposed to them offering support during a notoriously difficult transitional time. I can almost guarantee they’re there at all in order to support your wife.

Meanwhile, you view that as some slight against you and your side of the family that they haven’t met the kid yet. Your son doesn’t have an immune system and should be around as few people as possible. I don’t know why you’re trying to schedule social and meeting time at all. It should literally be as few people around him as necessary for you and your wife to be functional human beings, and if that is her family lending support then that’s not something to be tallying up as a slight. You should be thankful for their support, but since they’re likely supporting your wife and not you, you probably aren’t seeing it or don’t care.

Speaking of immune systems, you got the top comment labeling you the asshole and bunch of people going straight to sympathizing with you afterwards, but hey, anyone ask if your family are any kind antivaxxers? Has your family taken unnecessary risks during this pandemic? Refuse to get tested? It feels like there’s something here you’re not saying. No matter what I see why someone who was pregnant and gave birth during a pandemic might want to limit travel and social time for their infant.

The whole situation sucks. Before taking your son, you should have got her on board with either coming with or her being okay with it. You’ve likely damaged your relationship with your wife, permanently.

Further question: why does your wife not want to have your family to visit? Is it that they would have to come for a weekend stay in your home? Is it that she WOULD end up having to buy groceries AND prepare meals AND clean up after extra people without your help? Her mother and sister come over with takeout – no dishes m, no cooking – and don’t stay overnight. She has no obligation to entertain and play housewife host with them around.

There is also an added question of self esteem. Has she gained a lot of weight during the pregnancy? Has she been able to “make herself up”?

The PPD thing is a good point, but it’s a shit point to bring up in the middle of an argument. It invalidates her feelings as you just chalk it all up to her mental health so you’re in the clear and did nothing wrong, she’s just overreacting. It’s an easy out for you not having to acknowledge any wrong-doing you may have done.

EDIT: let’s also consider what recovery has been like for your wife. Did she have a C-section? Is she still bleeding? Did she have an excessive amount of tearing and need stitches? If yes to any of those, please imagine sitting in a car or going away from home while trying to heal from the bodily trauma giving birth causes a woman.

NTA. Was she like this before your son was born, as in having issues spending time with your family as opposed to her’s? If so you might have a bigger problem at hand.

I’m actually glad to see you suggesting a doctor; people tend to take it as offensive because you’re calling them “crazy”. A mother’s mental health is important and there’s nothing wrong with that. PPD/PPA is real and I think you’re a fine partner for bringing it up as a concern. I just wish she understood.

NTA. I think your position makes a ton of sense. It \*does\* sound clinical – a psych eval is indicated. Maybe you could have handled the weekend with your family with more grace, but it really feels like she forced your hand.

I really hope she gets therapy. It does sound like PPD. Or Postpartum psychosis, which is… also pretty scary. Good luck.

YTA. Being the father does not mean you get to drive off with a newborn for multiple days without his mother’s permission. If you’re such equal parents, you would have ASKED her before just taking him and going or “telling her it was happening”. You asserted your dominance but then expect her to act like you’re on equal footing and have equal say, when you made it perfectly clear there was not equal say in whether or not you took your five week old child out of town. Frankly, I’d also spend some time thinking about why she feels she will be forced to play host. Maybe she’s just still reeling from pregnancy hormones, or maybe you don’t pitch in when it comes to your family coming over and she knows she’ll be doing all the work.

If the situation was reversed, it will still stuck, inb4 “positive discrimination” people try and argue about it.

Unfortunately I see a divorce in your future.

NTA. Sounds super one sided & she’s using the baby to control the situation. I’m a mother of 4 & before y’all go crazy on me, I suffered from severe PPD after my 4th child. She was being unreasonable by allowing her family unrestricted access to the baby but refusing to allow his side to see the baby at all.

NTA i don’t know why people here are trying to put u as a manipulator or whatever…women can be wrong sometimes and ur the FATHER and have the right to voice about the baby,and u said you comunicated your plans

ESH. It’s messed up that your family wasn’t allowed to meet the baby for so long without a *very* good reason. I would have been on your side if you’d taken the baby for a few hours. But your wife probably is suffering from PPD and you took the baby for an entire weekend. I can’t imagine how absolutely devastating that would have been when I was barely a month postpartum. Focus on getting your wife help instead of punishing her.

NTA

I’m tired of this sub defending first time moms horrible behavior just because they’re first time moms while utterly shtting on the fathers.

You have every right to bring who you want around **your** baby. If you want your family to meet your baby you have every right to arrange that how you see fit. You should have just invited them over, she can choose to visit, leave or ignore their presence, none of which would probably even phase any of your family. Besides I’d bet she’s not checking in with you before she’s inviting anyone over. She can’t dictate and demand what you can and cannot do and at the same time do whatever she wants without so much as half a thought towards you.

This literally doesn’t even sound like it has anything to do with not wanting to host. She doesn’t seem to view you as an equal parent and partner and wants to control everything and loses her crap throwing baseless hurtful allegations when she doesn’t get her way.

She has problems and needs therapy, she’s being a controlling ah and an absolute nightmare of a co-parent and partner.