I (20) am a mother of triplets whom are only 2 months old. I never expected ever in my life that I’d be a mother to triplets so when I first became pregnant it was definitely the last thing in my mind.
I’m home with my babies all day long and had to even transfer my education to online.
Sometimes I just need some fresh air especially when I can’t get them to stop crying and I find myself getting super frustrated to the point of tears, it’s honestly soo hard and the dad isn’t here to help as he’s ether at work or at school. My fiance’s (24) parents rented us a main floor apartment so when I step outside I’m literally just sitting on the chair right beside the door plus I have a baby monitor step up in their room and it has a camera on it I can literally see them and hear them so if anything happened I’d be able to quickly get to them.
Being able to step outside for a few minutes to take a breather is really important to me because I start to have mini panic attacks when I can’t get them to stop crying and I get really frustrated because I just feel super overwhelmed, Being able to go outside just gives me a chance to clam down.
My fiance came home to me sitting outside while the babies were crying and freaked out on me calling me a horrible mom and a bunch of other names that I’m not gonna list here. He thinks that I was being super neglectful and putting the babies in harm way and even told his parents and now everyone seem to be really against me.
I grow up in the system my fiance’s family is the only family I have and ever known so it breaks my hurt that they are so upset with me but I really don’t think I was doing anything wrong or putting my babies in harm way but they seems to think otherwise.
So here I am wondering if I should apologize for my actions or if I am the A-hole in this situation.
~~~~~~~~~ Update ~~~~~~~~~~
I decided to show my fiance this thread at first he was really upset with me for sharing our personal problems with strangers on the internet even though it’s anonymous.
But in the end when he had a chance to clam down and hear me and all of you guys out he actually apologized and promised me he’d be more involved with parenting and even is willing to take parenting classes which I’ll hold him to that.
I just wanna thank everyone for the support that you all give me it brought tears to my eyes (happy tears) seeing how supportive you all were to a stranger on the internet I don’t think I ever received this much support before.
I can’t believe how much attention this post even got plus the award again thank you so much.
Conclusion
In a heartwarming turn of events, the mother’s plea for support resonated, leading to a breakthrough with her fiancé. After realizing the immense pressure she was under, he not only apologized but committed to becoming a more involved parent, even agreeing to take parenting classes. This story proves that communication and understanding can mend even the most difficult situations, ending with a renewed sense of hope and a stronger family bond.
Here’s how people reacted:
Their exact words were “a crying baby is an alive baby”.
They tell you this because it is better for a baby to be left to cry for a little while and the parents to get a breather, than for parents to wig out and hurt their babies in frustration.
This advice was so important. It allowed me to do what I needed to do without feeling guilty. And those few minutes really do help in those times when they won’t settle. And I had one, let alone if I had three.
Edit: thanks for the awards and votes. I really hope OP sees she has nothing to feel guilty about and is doing a great job! ❤
What does your fiancé do to help with the babies?
Your partner and their family are being ridiculous. Everyone needs a moment alone away from their babies, 5-10 mins alone is nothing. Once the babies are in a safe environment, fed and cleaned there is absolutely no harm in walking away for a few moments breathing space.
It sounds like you are overwhelmed. You need some help with the babies from time to time. Either the father needs to be home more or his family should help out. One baby is a lot, three have you completely outnumbered.
NTA
NTA you are being responsible by monitoring them but also doing the right thing for your mental health. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for this.
You need more help
Hard NTA.
If your husband thinks you are such a terrible mother, then maybe he should try taking care of triplets all by himself.
It’s perfectly fine to step away for a period of time.
Your fiancé is 100% wrong here, and being borderline abusive.
I’m not sure if you and your fiancé did parenting class together that stepping away (with all the acquirements that you mentioned and correctly did) is a best way for parents to not have a mental breakdown or harm the baby. Also, you’re raising triplets by yourself?! Where are his parents and why are they not offering to help you? Girl, you really need help. Even if you can see you have friends that can help as well cause a young woman yourself can’t take care multiple babies at once. There is a saying, “it takes a village to raised a child”.
I had a baby with colic. My pediatrician was extremely firm with me: When the crying baby is being held by a frustrated and overtired parent, the biggest danger in the room is not crying. It’s the parent. Put the baby down and go take some deep breaths. The baby will be loud, but safe. I stood on my balcony to chill out, and this was before babycams. Everyone turned out *fine*.
Being able to take brief breaks to make sure you’re okay or to cry yourself is essential in parenting, and you have a particular hard situation with triplets.
You are NOT a bad mom for this.
That’s exactly what you’re suppose to be doing! Bring him with to your pediatrician and talk about it so he can be educated on how what you’re doing is right. My kiddo’s pediatrician suggested doing exactly this, because you have to be able to take care of your own mental health too to be the best parent you can. If you neglect your own sanity, everyone suffers.
Everyone seems to think moms need to completely sacrifice themselves, but self care is crucial to caring for your kiddos.
I’m in a few different mom groups and all of us talk about how we’ll take a break to cry when it’s overwhelming. We all need to be able to still be people (not just a mom) and talk about it.