This heartbreaking decision could change the lives of her newborn children forever.
I (29F) and my late husband (29M) had been together for 8 years, married for three. He passed away while I was 5 months pregnant with our twins.
I gave birth to a boy and a girl; they both spent a short amount of time in the ICU before being discharged home. Before the passing of my husband, we had discussed baby names, and he had said that if we had a girl, he’d love to call her Shauna. At first, I wasn’t so sure, but now that he’s gone I love the name.
My son has his father’s eyes, so I named him after his Dad, Jayce.
I decided to give Shauna the middle name Ann, after my Mother, and Jayce Jr. the middle name Luke, after his grandfather on his Dad’s side.
When it came to choosing Godparents, I chose my husband’s brother and my sister to be Shauna’s godparents, and my husband’s sister and his best friend to be Jayce Jr’s Godparents.
His sister (Emma), and I have never gotten along too well. Not that we had a fight or anything, but we never really spoke, and when we did, Emma would always find a way to pay me or my Mother a passive-aggressive compliment. I still decided to make her the godmother of my son because of the loss of her younger brother, but when I told her, she wasn’t excited.
In fact, she was disappointed.
She said that she wanted me to name my daughter after her instead. I explained to her how Jayce picked the name, but she wouldn’t let it go. She asked about the middle name, and I let her know that I gave her the middle name Ann after my Mother. She muttered something about my Mother under her breath.
She then held Jayce, who was wearing a “will you be my fairy godmother?” one-piece. I handed her the flowers that I had also bought her. She didn’t say thanks or have anything in return. The anything in return part didn’t really bother me though, but after seeing the way she half-threw Jayce Jr, who was three weeks old, onto the couch, I decided to leave.
I told her I had a family emergency and thanked her for her time and left.
I am now considering choosing my childhood best friend, Sabha, to be Jayce Jr.’s godmother instead.
She was with me throughout the grief of losing the father of my children and the love of my life. She definitely deserves it more, but I was just trying to include my husband’s family.
They haven’t been christened yet, so I can change his Godmother.
AITA if I do this?
edit: Jayce Jr. has the same middle name as his father, so therefore he is a junior.
Conclusion
With the christenings yet to happen, the new mother has a chance to rectify a painful situation. Her late husband’s sister’s behavior has made her reconsider who truly deserves a place as a godparent.
Will she choose family, or the friend who has been her rock through it all?
Here’s how people reacted:
NTA – you get to choose the Godparents. Honestly, Godparent is an honourary thing for the most part nowadays. It used to be expected that if anything happened to the parents, the Godparents would take in and raise the child(ren) in the appropriate religion. Most times now, people have a will and will set up a legal guardianship. Honestly, from your description of Emma’s actions, past & present, she doesn’t even deserve the nominal honour.
I think whatever you do, whether you keep Emma as Godmother or ask your best friend to step in, Emma will have a problem with things.
Again, congratulations on the twins.
About Emma… well she needs to be gone.. out of the picture… asap. She half threw your kid onto the couch?? Shocking. She can’t be a God Maa.. your kid deserves good God parents. You are now a single mom and kids need loving family around them.
Love and prayers for you and your family.
ask her to bear her own child, she can then name the child however she wants.
people who demand stupid rights because someone else is dead are plain stupid and entitled.
>she half-threw Jayce Jr, who was three weeks old
Remove her from the role of godmother
Sorry for your loss.
First of all, my condoleances, i can’t imagine how hard it must’ve been for you.
Second of all, screw emma. You don’t have to deal with her in your life.
Sorry for you loss.
Congrats on the birth of twins.
A reaction like SIL’s should never be rewarded. Get your bestie onboard as the godmother and ask SIL not to come to the christening/naming ceremony.
Yes she lost a brother, but yours and your children’s loss is far greater. Do the best for them and yourself. This includes shielding yourself from this toxic individual.
All the best to Shauna and Jayce Jr.
In the midst of your biggest loss and greatest joys you still took the time to be thoughtful of his sisters feelings. She repaid you by throwing HIS child on the sofa! For me that’s an automatic “you are never welcome around me or the children”.
You tried to be nice, she didn’t care if her actions harmed your baby!
But you should prepare your in laws about your decision, don’t give her the opportunity to hurt that relationship.
I’m sorry for your loss.
I’m stopping by to suggest that you make a will and establish guardianship for your children. Sabba sounds like a good choice, if she is willing. Emma sounds like a deeply troubled person who should be cut out of your life altogether.
I went through a similar situation years before you but I can tell you now, you need to do what’s best for you and your twins not what you think is the right thing to do out of guilt, sadness, trying to please others, etc. How you feel today will change in time. Pick people that you truly see in your future as great friends and mentors for your children.
On the name. Emma needs to go away. These are your children, and only you decide what their names are, not others. Don’t let her and others bully and guilt you. This is how you will know who truly cares and who does not during your grief. You will go through so many stages of grief, and it can make us confused, but I promise it gets easier in time to think clearly.