She trusted him to care for their daughter, only to find out he was prioritizing something else entirely.
I, 29F, recently started working again after having my daughter (4M). Daycare is too expensive, so my husband, 35M, reluctantly agreed to stay home. It’s important to know that he’s been unemployed since 2021. He receives benefits. It’s also important to know that he’s extremely lazy.
He doesn’t cook, clean, or help out in any way. I was nervous about leaving her home with her father, but I had no choice.
When I came back from work, she was clean and sleeping. The next few times I came home, he was either playing with her, feeding her, or out for a walk with her. I was happy. A few days ago, my neighbor told me that as soon as I leave, the baby cries and she cries for hours.
My neighbor said that she knocked on our door and he finally answered it. He was sleeping.
I concluded that he sleeps all day and right. Before I come home, he pretends to care for her. I decided to take the day off of work. I left home at my regular time. Waited 30 minutes and then went home. Sure enough, he was knocked out sleeping with his stupid noise-canceling headphones on.
I went to my daughter’s room, scooped her up, and took her to my friend’s house. I waited about 2 hours and I finally called him to tell him that I was coming home early. He called me back saying that he can’t find the baby. He told me that he was going to call the police, but before he did, I told him what I did.
He called me an asshole and a lot of other words too. When I got home, his mother was there “calming his nerves” because he has a panic attack. She also called me an asshole. My husband decided to sleep at her house. Family members are telling me that I’m a terrible person.
I know that it was extreme, but I don’t know if I would consider myself to be an asshole.
*English isn’t my native language, sorry about the grammar
Update——-sorry I created this account just to post my story. I’m not a big Reddit user. I missed so many wonderful messages from people. The last few days have been crazy. Once I finally told everyone what happened, many took my side. My ex-husband and mother in law still think I’m a jerk.
My friend allowed my daughter and I to move in with her. Which is nice. We were living in a bad area before, so this can be a fresh start. My ex-husband has not asked to see my daughter for the past week. Online he’s saying how I ruined his youth by trapping him with a baby.
Idc anymore. I’m in a nice routine with my daughter. I took her to the hospital, and they found signs of neglect. I explained the situation. The doctor advised me to press charges against my ex-husband. I think I will.
But I’m safe. My daughter is safe.
Tbh, I probably won’t come back on Reddit. But I wanted to thank everyone for everything
Conclusion
The shocking truth came out, and this mom made a decision that changed everything.
Did she make the right choice, or is she truly the villain everyone claims she is?
Here’s how people reacted:
He is not an appropriate caretaker for your child and if I were you I’d be reconsidering the relationship completely
Find a good childcare and leave him. I do not encourage divorce usually but I’m not sure I could ever trust that man again. Ditto his mom. NTA
She is 4 months old, this is child abuse. Please leave him and get the two of you somewhere safe.
He is leaving your baby in her bed to scream, thinking that noone is coming for hours!
Chuck all his stuff out and him.
He isn’t even changing her or feeding her He is sleeping while she screams her heart out.
This is neglect and child abuse.
Just imagine how bad it is if your neighbour has had to go and check to see if the baby is OK Cos she is crying for so long.
Imagine what else he is doing when he is fed up ahe is crying so much….
I’d be taking her to gwt checked for other signs of abuse if I was you.
So you managed to get inside the house and grab your child and he never noticed you? What if something happened to your kid while he had his noise cancelling headphones?!
My daughter is also 4 months, and if it was with me, I would do the same or even worse.
If the family says anything, be truthful, tell them he deserved it, cause as soon as you go out, he sleeps and let the kid cry untill he feel like waking and pretending to you how great he is.
And even if they say you are ah, never mind. You are correct, we protect our kids, and sometimes, actions like this are necessary.
Maybe time to think about the relationship, and put him to work in the house, cleaning and even, maybe, installing some cameras.
He’s only acting snotty because he knows you caught him out.
For those blaming OP in the comments for having a baby/not MaKiNG SuRe her grown-ass deadbeat husband was ready to care for a baby-
Accidental pregnancies happen, believe it or not, and it may have been the case here. Regardless, the circumstances of the baby’s conception DO NOT MATTER!
Why the HELL is the mental load of making sure her “husband” is capable of being an adult, being thrown on OP? He’s a grown man, he should have basic common sense not to wear noise cancelling earphones when he is the sole carer for an infant at that time.
Why on EARTH is OP being shamed for HIS being an utter failure of a father? Someone has to work, because he doesn’t! He does absolutely nothing!
That said, he was straight up neglecting your child. There could have been a better way to bring his attention to this fact but he needed to understand that when he isn’t paying attention to the baby, ANYTHING can happen.
A little story…my youngest used to go to the neighbor’s house down the road all the time in summer and she’d always leave our huge, living room windows wide open leaving our house completely available to theft (she was about 11). No matter how many times I told her she had to secure both the doors AND windows, she just wouldn’t do it, it wasn’t important enough to her to remember.
One day I got home from work, she’s gone, windows wide open (you can literally walk through them into my living room, might as well have left the door wide open) so, I called down to the neighbor and told her our house had been robbed and they took her guitar among other things.
She came tearing down the street in a panic and rushed in all upset and crying, saw me sitting on the couch like nothing was wrong and was extremely confused. Went to find her guitar and of course, it was where it belonged in her room. To say she was mad is an understatement but when she calmed down I asked her, “What if it had happened?” That made her really stop and think. She always remembered after that to fully secure the house.
I gave the “gift” of the experience of being robbed without any of the actual consequences. That’s similar to what you did. So, while I think you may have gone a touch too far (because he almost called the police), he needed the lesson to hopefully get the message across. He needs to be fully involved, not just when you’re watching.
I was going to go with everybody sucks (because what you did was kinda fucked up) but your husband, wow. I can’t get past the fact that literally ANYTHING could have happened to your baby and he wouldn’t have known about it.
It’s divorcin’ time.
Why is your husband unemployed? Does he have some sort of health issue? It is not normal or healthy to sleep as much as you say he does.
If he is just lazy, well, take a hard look at that. Is this the type of partner you want? You may very well be looking at the life you have ahead of you so I would really take a hard look at your situation.