NAH, just have incompatible sleep habits.

Find a work around, or have separate bedrooms.

> I think this is a ridiculous ask and really selfish.

Pot, meet kettle.

It is no more selfish of him to ask you to accommodate his sleep preferences than it is for you to ask him to accommodate yours.

If neither one of you is ready to modify your sleep habits, then it sounds like you’ll need separate bedrooms.

If the TV is on, I can fall asleep in 5 minutes. If I’m in a quiet room, it can take 45-60 minutes. The sound of the TV cancels out all the thoughts running through my head.

You say you get up much later than he does; do you also stay up later? My husband goes to sleep later than I do.

I need the TV all night, my husband needs dark and quiet. I have an iPad on my table with darkness set to lowest level + sleep headphones. Everyone is happy.

ESH – he wants you to wait until he goes to sleep, and you want him to break his habit. Either get separate rooms to sleep in, get a sleep mask, or figure out a different solution so you’re both happy and able to sleep.

ESH. You talk about your husband being selfish because he wants to sleep in the way that works best for him and gives him the most restful sleep. But you’re doing the same thing, and just trying to find all these reasons why what works for you is “right” and what works for your husband is “wrong.”

Neither of you has a monopoly on the “correct” way to sleep, what you need to do is figure out what works for BOTH of you, not just insist the other is wrong and therefore has to give up and do what you want. Neither of you are approaching this with ANY consideration for the other, you’re just both selfishly insisting “My way or the highway” without even trying to find an option that works for everyone.

ESH. Not for the difference of opinion on sleep habits, but for it turning into a big fight.

Find a compromise. I fall asleep much more easily with something to distract my brain (like a TV) — that may be the case for him — maybe he thinks too much about too much random stuff to fall asleep when the TV is off – just a guess..

Or maybe it’s actually the total silence that bothers him, so in that case a white noise machine might solve the problem for him and not be a bother for you. (We have a big air filter in our master bedroom that makes a white noise just by running. I find it very calming and it drowns out random little bothersome noises I might otherwise hear).

Find out what it is about the TV that he needs in order to fall asleep and maybe you can find a solution, but arguing about it isn’t the solution.

ESH. Why aren’t you working together as a couple to come up with a solution? Headphones and a podcast. Come on here, this is easy.

ESH

Hubby is an AH for thinking his sleep is more important.

OP is an AH for thinking that their way is the only way, and that hubby should just do what they say.

If *you* need complete darkness to sleep, OP, wear an eye mask.

Does either of you ever heard of the word compromise?

ESH

NAH

Does the tv have a timer? Is there a way to agree to a set time limit? Can you get an eye mask and have no volume? There has to be a compromise. Your sleep can’t be sacrificed for your partner’s.

Did you two just move in together? How is this just now an issue?

ESH

Some persons have issues will falling asleep. That’s not only a bad habit, that’s a genetic thing. He ignores you wish for a dark room and you ignore his wish of a not-dark-room.

My husband e.g. is hearing podcasts to fall asleep. So find a compromise or sleep in separate rooms.

ESH. It’s ok to have different sleep needs. He’s being inconsiderate of yours, and you are insisting your way is the only correct way.

ESH… both of you are demanding something that causes the other to sleep poorly. Have you looked at solutions/compromise? Can he wear earbuds to bed? Can you set a timer for the tv? I suspect that as long as you guys stick to “must be on”, “must be off”, sleep is going to be an issue for both of you.

ESH. Do you have the ability to sleep in separate rooms? You two have different needs and you’re both looking out for yourselves. That’s fine. But figure out a solution that works for both of you… that’s the compromise of marriage.

ESH. It may not make sense to you, but everyone has their own things that help them sleep. Just because you can’t relate to his need there does not make it invalid, and vice versa. Unfortunately, yours is at odds with his. It is no more fair for you to tell him to entirely cater to your needs than it is for him to entirely ignore yours. You are both trying to entirely have it your own way instead of seeking a compromise or a creative solution you can both live (and sleep) with.

Adults — especially ones who love each other — need to find a way to work through these things *together*. It may even include sleeping in different rooms. You both need to start adulting about this.

Compromise?

You wear a sleep mask. Or he listens on his phone with headphones.

ESH

I personally can’t sleep without tv or music too. My brain overthinks and I can’t relax.

Nah, im the same way as your husband, i need some sort of noise otherwise i cannot sleep, something with my brain trying to fill the silence, find a compromise or separate rooms

NAH

You have different sleep habits.

Can you set the sleep timer for 30 minutes or an hour to turn off automatically and have him wear headphones?

You can wear an eye mask to help with the darkness.