After TG break, I (25F) flew back home to TX where I’m working temporarily. My family’s in GA. We spend holidays in AL so I had to drive back to GA, to catch my flight back to TX. I almost missed the flight because of Thanksgiving/Sunday traffic, and got back to TX pretty late; very stressful day of travel and running around.
Because of this, I was extremely exhausted and decided to crash at my TX guy friend’s house, where I park my car during my trips as he drives me to and from the airport. I let my family know when I landed and made it in last night and that was that. My parents don’t necessarily know this guy because some guys just aren’t worth disclosing to family.
We’ve dated before and have known each other for a few years.
Well I woke up the next morning around 5am to tell my job I would be taking the day off. I rolled over and went back to sleep. I shut off alarms, and my phone was on silent and I missed a ton of calls from my family between 6am-10am. My sister called me 25 times, parents called me 30 times each.
Left several voicemails. I even had voicemails from TX police dept, and my supervisor that my parents were trying to get in touch with me. When I picked up to ask what was all the commotion about, my parents and sister are all on the phone “why aren’t you answering?!
where are you because the police said your car is NOT outside your apartment!!” I said I’m home safe, and sleeping. She demanded I send her a picture of my car actually outside of my apartment and that I’m not somewhere I “have no business”.
Now my family isn’t speaking to me because they are so upset with me for scaring them, and not telling them I was over this guy’s house. I have not heard from my parents or sister ever since this happened yesterday morning. My sister is upset with me because “you didn’t even tell anyone you knew anybody out there!” “nobody sleeps that hard/late” “you need to be more responsive to your phone”.
On top of this, it has always bothered my family that I legit will sleep til 9/10am unless I have earlier obligations. I’ve always been a heavy sleeper and they give me crap about it all the time, although I’ve never been late, am very responsible, and have never lost a job.
I just like sleeping in sometimes. AITA for sleeping through their calls? For not telling them I was taking the day off to sleep in? They kept saying they thought I was somewhere dead and they were under the impression I didn’t know anybody in TX. My mom is stonewalling me bc I guess I didn’t disclose beforehand where I was that morning.
Am I not entitled to the privacy or my own life or not over sharing every little thing at 25?
Conclusion
The verdict is in! Find out if this woman’s need for privacy and a good night’s sleep cost her her family. Did they go too far, or was she in the wrong? Click to see the shocking outcome!
Here’s how people reacted:
Let’s start with one fact: **You are a grown-ass adult!**
Everything else follows from that. You are allowed to sleep in. You are allowed to sleep over at a friend’s house. (You are allowed to fuck them if you want!) You are allowed to take the day off at work. You are allowed to not answer your phone. Now, I do get that some people get all panicky after flights, but **you let your family know**. I mean, that was already above and beyond the call of duty.
Given this story, I have a hunch that your Mom is trying to control you in all sorts of ways. Let me reassure you: You are not the asshole here. And not only that, but you probably need to push back harder on all of the other shit she’s pulling. She wouldn’t be doing this crazy shit if you had been pushing back against her in the **seven years** since you became a legal adult.
NTA times a million and tell your mom to get therapy if she thinks stonewalling is in some way going to help your relationship. I understand your sister being worried that your car isn’t at your apartment, but wow did she go from 0 to 100. Is there some specific reason we’re missing here that they would be concerned about that? Or are they always jumping to the worst conclusions?
Take some deep breaths, OP. Consider going LC or NC if you feel that you need some space from them.
did they even need anything from you, or were they calling you in the early morning just for kicks?
For curiosity’s sake, what prompted all this in the first place? Did they immediately panic when you didn’t answer your phone the first time?
Regardless it sounds like you need some hard resetting of boundaries and expectations in your personal life with your family.
I find it hard to believe police would have done a drive-by of your apartment complex in the four hour period between 0600 and 1000 for a 25yo woman who had checked in as all good with her family 12 hours beforehand. What’s the time difference between the first instance of them looking for you and their claim that they police said the car wasn’t at your official residence? How long did they give you to respond before contacting the police, and how long is the period in which they’re saying the police found you not to be at home?
I would be highly concerned these people have placed a tracker on your car or phone and already knew you weren’t at home. Your mother was looking for the photo of your location because she knew you couldn’t provide it, to catch you in your lie without having to admit to her stalking.
This whole dynamic sounds really unhealthy, OP; someone should always know where you are in case you do have a problem, so lying to your family isn’t great, but their behaviour here is bonkers and wouldn’t encourage anyone to be honest. I think the reality is probably even more disturbing than is readily visible and they have spy software on something you own.
You’re not wrong for being incommunicado for a few hours, but I think you have a much bigger problem here, and you are going to have to find some way of making your family accept that they can’t control and intrude on your life to this degree.
NTA for the family stuff, but for the record, saying “some guys just aren’t worth disclosing to family” about someone you stay over with who drives you to and from the airport *is* kind of an asshole thing to say.
You’re an adult, not a 12 year old that needs their location monitored at all times. Your family sounds really tiresome.
> She demanded I send her a picture of my car actually outside of my apartment and that I’m not somewhere I “have no business”.
NC. **Yesterday.**
They know you like to sleep late. But they don’t like it so they called the police.
They know you landed safely, but didn’t respond immediately in the morning so they called the police.
They called your work!! Who could have told them there were no concerns and they *still* called the police.
And your sister thinks it’s totally normal and defending them. I think a communication pause is called for. But you might wanna warn the cops about the barrage of wellness checks coming.
Oh, and they want you to *send them a picture of your car in your driveway!* to prove you *are* home, and not lying! How about, oh, hell no.
And now they aren’t talking to you? Hey, don’t threaten you with a good time! NTA
When your family wants to reestablish contact-and you know they *will*… Well, they need to be kept on a strict information diet.
You’re an adult; you had texted them to let them know you had landed safely; your obligations to them were at an end. The fact that they are checking if your car is outside your apartment (wtaf) is creepy and overstepping. I’d be mocking them for wasting police time, and putting them on a strict information diet for a while.
Your family is wayyy too involved in the details of your life.
You don’t even live in the SAME STATE.
You are an adult. You live on your own. They do not get to treat you like a 13 yr old going to summer camp for the first time.
Apologize to your job. (why do your parents have the phone number for your job???)
Stop sharing your location. With ANY of them.
Check your luggage and belonging for any airtags. They seem like the type of people who would put them in your luggage to track you.